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Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

Potty training

desperate for help 4.5 year old wont poo in toilet

7 replies

lyssie29 · 15/11/2017 12:51

I have tried the charity ERIC who gave me some tips to try and get her to poo in the toilet instead of a nappy and everything they suggested has not worked. I've tried reward chart, saying there's no more nappies (her younger sister is still.in nappies and they fit her so this doesn t work) telling her 4 year olds shouldnt be wearing nappies etc, opening one side of the nappy to gradually take the nappy off. If i put a nappy in the toilet she still won't do it. I've also tried putting a hole in the nappy and she went completely nuts asking for another nappy. She actually lay on the floor sobbing for 20 minutes. I've never seen her like that. I emailed ERIC to ask for further advice and have been told it's behavioural and to either ask HV or GP. I just don't know what to do anymore. It worries me that if it continues this way it will affect her growing up. How will she have a sleepover or go away with the school? She cant be taking nappies with her. I know it's along time in the future but she's just not budging with this. When i refused nappies she went 5 days without going and the 5th day she was ill with it and she still wouldn't go. What can I do?? I'm so desperate for any help right now. The HV was no help she just said try blowing bubbles with her and make it fun but she wont let me in the bathroom.

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YummyMummy247 · 27/11/2017 21:47

Hi @lyssie29

Just read your post bless you must be going out of your mind with it all.
Have you tried ringing the incontinence team in your area they give great advice for this sort of thing. I wouldn't overly worry even tho it's hard not to. I have seen this before.. Sometimes children can either not be ready, have been ready but then decided they don't want to it. It's obviously stressing you out as your worrying about her and she is stressed as she doesn't want to do it.
I was wondering will she go for a wee on the potty/toilet or is she not doing either? xx

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Cucumbersalad · 27/11/2017 22:03

We had a similar issue with our DS when he was toilet-training, although he was about 3 at the time, don't think it makes any difference. What worked for us was the story of Poo goes to Pooland (google it and you will find downloadable leaflets and apps etc). Basically we told our son that his poo was really lonely for its friends down the loo in Pooland and there was only one way for it to get there etc etc! Our DS really believed it and it worked for us - maybe worth a shot? Try not to worry; she will get there and it's very common, not easy on you i know.

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TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 27/11/2017 22:09

I don’t know what to do, OP, but 3 yo DS is also refusing to poo in the toilet and now, to poo at all until he’s desperate. He wore a nappy all day yesterday because we were at a sporting event with limited changing facilities and didn’t poo at all. Then today he still didn’t poo despite saying his tummy hurt - 48 hours with no poo. He eventually hid under the kitchen table and pooed in his pants. I was actually relieved he’d gone because I was getting worried about him!

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YummyMummy247 · 27/11/2017 22:33

@Cucumbersalad that's such a good idea. So much better than what I did with my daughter!

They say pooing is the last thing they learn when potty training. I always think it must be really scary for them as they must think it's wrong as that's why the worry and hold it in. When actually it's the most natural thing.

Like @Cucumbersalad has said a special story, plenty of praise and possibly reward charts may help.

I got my daughter to poo on the potty by telling her I would give her one of her favourite sweets if she went. I know what your thinking bad mum! Confused not ideal I know but it worked. So there is always that option possibly..I do like the story tho will have to try that with my next one!

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lyssie29 · 27/11/2017 22:40

@yummymummy she has been using the toilet for wees for about a year and half now. I have decided to step away from it for a couple months and not mention it to her at all. I have read some things which says that this worked for them so I'm going to give it one last try and then take her to the gp. She has at least started to poo on the toilet with the nappy on so maybe in time I can put a hole in the nappy without her knowing it so it lands in the toilet. I even told her I would buy her a baby annabel doll if she went and she still wouldn't.

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lyssie29 · 27/11/2017 22:43

@Cucumbersalad I have the story printed out for her. We haven't read it alot yet as weve only had it a few days as the hv sent it to me. I will give it a good go though and read it to her every day.

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SingingSands · 27/11/2017 23:13

It’s a long time ago now, but what worked for my DS was this: No mentioning it. No discussion. No praise.

He went to the toilet, I wasn’t allowed in. He didn’t want any praise, or recognition of it. I would just shout through the door “I’m just going to fold some laundry, shout when you’re finished”. Then I’d pretend to narrate folding laundry/talking to the cat/writing a shopping list. Then he’d shout for his bum to be wiped, which I did with no comment, flush, wash hands and go back downstairs.

The nursery he went to were very good about this, although I think it went against their usual tactics of praise, praise, praise! We used to call it the ‘silent poo treatment’.

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