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At my wits end!

(16 Posts)
TookyClothespin Fri 27-Oct-17 13:03:58

DD1 is nearly 3 and a half. We started potty training her a year ago, and she has been reliably dry (urine wise) for most of that. She goes backwards during times of stress, but for the most part shes dry.
However, she will not reliably poo in the potty or toilet! She will do if shes naked from the waist down, but put clothes on and she'll poo in them. Ask her where she's supposed to poo and she'll tell you - potty or toilet. She knows she's doing it because she'll go somewhere private to poo in her pants.
We have tried:
Ignoring the poo in pants, just quietly cleaning up.
Instant reward for pooing in the right place (chocolate buttons)
Instant and delayed reward (a marble jar)
Going commando
Catching her in the act and immediately putting her on the potty
Poo goes to pooland story app

Nothing works, not long term at least. We know she can do it, but she just doesn't. She doesn't seem to see the difference in pooing in her pants to pooing on the potty. When she's soiled hersef she'll say "yay! I did a poo!" and we'll respond with something like "yes, you did do a poo, but remember poo needs to go in the potty next time"
What am I missing?

Santawontbelong Fri 27-Oct-17 13:07:59

Is there something she wants to do as a 'big girl'? Dancing class? Pay at the till? Something only a big girl who poos on the toilet can do!!??

TookyClothespin Fri 27-Oct-17 15:24:37

Thanks for your reply. I can't think of anything like that she could do.

twistorstick Sun 29-Oct-17 08:29:39

The book Oh Crap has been really helpful to me and the app/story - was a story with my first 8 years ago & now is an app; called Poo goes home to Pooland.

You may need to go back to basics with no bottoms on for a few days & camp out in one room. Give any accidents no attention (although easier said then done).

The book also talks about normalising Poo & modelling you needing a poo and going for a poo with your child watching.

There may be a fear of the loo, the feeling in the potty etc...

Read poo goes to pooland each day and if one is due and make the praise about helping the poo get to poo land rather then the fact the child has done a poo.

twistorstick Sun 29-Oct-17 08:30:02

Just seen you have tried the app! Sorry

TookyClothespin Sun 29-Oct-17 08:44:35

Yeah, we talk about poo going home to pooland, she loves the story on the app. We talk about us pooing on the toilet, she watches us any chance she gets! She knows what shes supposed to do, she just doesn't. She can't articulate why.

twistorstick Sun 29-Oct-17 10:13:26

Presume you have tried this - but last go at trying to be helpful...I would try loose trousers without pants for three days. There is a school of thought that for the first years of their life they had a nappy to poo & the pants replicates this feeling so you have to retrain the muscle memory/feeling.

TookyClothespin Sun 29-Oct-17 12:17:49

twist we had tried that, but will try again. Thank you.

Smellyjo Sun 29-Oct-17 18:29:09

I am with twist on the oh crap book - it's defo worth a read and following her approach consistently for a few weeks, it sounds like you've done lots of aspects of it but I think following the approach will help you work out what aspect of it she's not gotten worked out. She does also talk about a small consequence, if you are confident that child knows what to do and for whatever reason is choosing not to. I would read the book before trying that out though, there's lots of advice about poo specifically, prior attempts at potty training, different ages etc. Good luck, it's exhausting isn't it!

Positivevibe Mon 30-Oct-17 14:00:00

Had exactly the same. 6 months of poo nightmare...
My son's just been through a growth spurt and with that, started pooing on the loo (alleluia!).
Until now, he could tell you pee and poo had to be done on the potty. He talked about his poo but never went. He simply crapped himself.
I don't believe there was much we could have done (you could try food colouring in the bowl?). One day he asked to sit on the loo because he wanted to poo. He sat (this was a huge step for us as previously he would not even sit and wait) and nothing happened. I said nothing but over the following weeks, he asked to sit again (still no poo but at least willingness to sit on toilet). When he was sitting, we explained where his poo was going to come out from and where it was going to go.
Eventually he asked to sit on a the toilet but this time had a poo and we've only gone forward from that point.

There's nothing logical about it. In our case it was a case of needing to be a little older.

In the meantime, you can buy degradable sacks to put directly in the wash.
All the best

TookyClothespin Mon 30-Oct-17 14:16:41

After posting This, we have had 2 poo's in the potty/toilet! Hopefully it'll last. We went over the top with praise (as we always do) and she was so proud of herself.

Positivevibe Mon 30-Oct-17 14:18:01

Forgot to say DS took nappies off age 3.2 and started pooing on the toilet age 3.9.

Positivevibe Mon 30-Oct-17 14:19:15

Great news! Onwards and upwards
(food colouring might work a treat now...)

Santawontbelong Mon 30-Oct-17 14:26:47

Gross I know but ds made me take a photo of his poo and proudly showed older dc the pic!! Reminds him he can do it!! He was toilet trained in a fortnight at 2.10.

TookyClothespin Mon 30-Oct-17 14:45:00

Santa we all go look at the poo when she's done it in the toilet or potty!

positive Whats the idea of food colouring supposed to do?

Positivevibe Tue 31-Oct-17 00:59:21

Simply entice them to the toilet/be less scared of it if there's anxiety.


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