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4 year old, starting school!

(19 Posts)
Bananamama1213 Sun 20-Aug-17 21:51:11

I've already spoken to her teacher and she said to just give her spare clothes and they'll do what they can.

I'm so worried for DD because she just can't be dry. She knows when she needs a wee, and when she has had a wee but just won't go to the toilet. (She will poo on the toilet by herself, no problems!)

Sometimes she will go and sometimes she needs reminding - she does this funny pose where she sticks her bum out if she needs to go. The majority of the time she will just wet herself.

She can wet herself a couple of times an hour. She doesn't overly drink and we've cut out juice and any little fizzy she had. We have an appointment at the enuresis clinic in October but that's ages away!

It's beginning to really upset me as I'm worried that she'll be getting embarrassed or teased at school.

She understood that her friends didn't wear pull ups at preschool. She wasn't dry there either!

We had an issue back in September last year when we tried to do training and she started nursery at the same time - we took her out after a week because she was inconsolable for those 3 hours and was coming home wet. Last straw was when she had a poo and they "didn't notice". Poor thing was red raw. So we removed her straight away. I hope it's nothing to do with that?!

I tried taking her for a wee every half an hour - didn't work.
I tried talking to her and she understands and says she will, but doesn't do it.

She starts school in just over 2 weeks and I really hoped we'd be able to get it dealt with sad

Any ideas or suggestions?! I just want to help her.

Mol1628 Mon 21-Aug-17 13:23:29

Have you taken her to the doctors to test for any medical problems.

A couple of times an hour is a lot for a four year old as well!

user1495997773 Mon 21-Aug-17 15:18:44

Can she change her own pull ups? Surely it would be kinder to send her to school in a pull up with a few spares in her bag to change at lunch and break/s rather than lots of clothes, at least that way her classmates won't see straight away when she's wet herself. I see you have an enuresis appointment in October, which as you say, is ages away... has she been tested for UTIs by your GP? Does she say why she won't use the toilet, is there something in particular that scares her? Sorry I'm not being very helpful X

Bananamama1213 Mon 21-Aug-17 15:31:21

@Mol1628 I have taken her to the doctors a few times now with a sample, as I thought it could be a UTI but never been anything.

They gave me antibiotics for her once as they said something was a teensy bit higher than it should be but it didn't change how wet/dry she is.

But we have a enuresis appointment in October so hopefully that will shed some light fingers crossed!

sashh Mon 21-Aug-17 15:40:24

Have you tried her without pull ups? She might be too comfortable in them.

I know there could be a medical problem so don't rule that out but one of my friends bought her DS some 'big boy pants' with his favorite character on them, she told him if he weed in them the pattern would fade so if he wanted to keep the character he had to be careful.

Do you know the break times at school yet? What ever times they are take her to the loo then to try to go so her body gets used to going at that time.

Bananamama1213 Mon 21-Aug-17 15:40:41

@user1495997773

I would HAPPILY send her to school in a pull up. She is able to change them herself. I will definitely consider it.

When we had our meet-the-teacher thing, I had already spoken (very briefly) to her to let her know about her situation. As she was talking to all the parents she did say "if you are worried that your child will have an accident, we will change them into their pe kit if needed and ask them all frequently.

She isn't scared of anything in the toilet, doesn't say of anything worrying her either.
It's a total mystery to us.

I spoke to her this morning and said "I think today we should have a complete dry day" and so far, she's had one accident but three other times she has come to tell me or I have taken her.
I think the accident was my fault as she wanted me but I was being sick (wonderful morning sickness) so I was occupied!

We've never told her off for having an accident. I don't think it's intentional, I think she just doesn't realise or doesn't care. But I had issues with bedwetting for a lot of years so I know how embarrassing it is, my mum never made me feel awkward over it which helped.. so we want to do the same for her.

Bananamama1213 Mon 21-Aug-17 15:44:50

@sashh
From September last year, she hasn't worn pull ups - unless we were going somewhere that involves not always being near a toilet. There a lot of times that she has had to wee on the grass because we've been caught short haha.

She went to preschool for 2 full days and one half.. I didn't send her in pull ups, they changed her if she was wet.

The pull ups she has are the huggies so do have the faces on.

Bananamama1213 Mon 21-Aug-17 15:46:27

@sashh that's a brilliant idea about taking her during the break times. I'm not sure what they are (even though my son has been at the same school for the last year haha).

I think I may need a proper chat with the teacher after school to try come up with something if it takes her a while.

MiaowTheCat Sat 26-Aug-17 19:50:05

Just posting to tell you you're not alone. We're generally OK with wee but my life is, quite literally and metaphorically at times... shit. DD2 we know has some issues with constipation, impaction and withholding - but even fighting through this we're still not there yet. We were doing OK - but then she got hospitalised and bedbound before the holidays and they wanted her in pull ups to keep her on the oxygen for a week and she regressed totally.

I've emailed the school she's going to - flagging up what we've done, where we're at in terms of liasing with GPs and medical agencies etc and asking if they'd be happier if we left a clean up kit and set of clothes in school or not (I'll be honest and mention I threw in all the medical side of it to make it clear that it IS a medical issue). If I needed to I would have offered to come down and clean her up if required but I really didn't want to go in with that as an opening line. We've even made a point of school choice being one where they have toilets in the classroom and not round the corner down the corridor like another local reception class has.

School have replied and been lovely about it - asked us if we can to leave a bag with wipes etc and clean clothes in just so they've got them all together for ease and told me not to worry.

I've literally shed tears and prayed for it all to click into place - we've been at this plateau for over a year now and it's almost broken me completely at various points so it's not for a want of trying. Just keeping on at it, trying to train her into pooing at a convenient time so there's less left for her to have an accident with, and hoping it clicks at some point now while pushing for referrals on.

lorisparkle Sat 26-Aug-17 19:55:33

Have you looked at the ERIC website. I found some useful leaflets to print out when we had different issues with ds1 there is also a helpline.

Bananamama1213 Mon 28-Aug-17 23:19:40

So today we tried giving her a bottle with 150ml of water at a time - refilling it at meal times and before bed.. obviously I wouldn't stop her drinking if she ran out, but she didn't.

Took her to the toilet once or twice an hour. She went most of the time.

And she was dry for the WHOLE day!!!!!!

First time in so many months.

Hoping we can keep it up until she starts school next week and fingers crossed she'll start saying she needs a wee, rather than us taking her.

MiaowTheCat Thu 31-Aug-17 15:41:22

We're now disimpacting again... means she might not even get to start school next week or might have to do phased hours or something as she can't go in with the shitting brown liquid stage.

I would say I could cry - but that would imply I haven't been and I've had a good bawl my eyes out session this afternoon, and a whacking great row with DH over it. I am sick of poo and wee.

Glad yours is resolving a bit OP - send me the miracle too!

Bananamama1213 Fri 01-Sep-17 11:50:29

@MiaowTheCat sending positive prayers your way!!

That sounds a lot harder to deal with than what we are going through.
It's good that the school are happy to help. My friends son used to give himself stomach ache or have an no2 accident because he tried holding it in. She struggled with him at home using the toilet, he just wanted nappies. As far as I'm aware, it just clicked one day.
I hope you're able to get answers and that she isn't hospitalised again!

I am very impressed with how DD has been acting the last few days we've been doing this. We went to my friends house for 5 hours on Wednesday and she was dry, didn't kick up a fuss when I took her to the toilet. Then yesterday we travelled half an hour to my sisters for the afternoon and she was dry again.

Although yesterday I did have to get my mum to take over on one toilet trip as she refused to play ball. She was standing in the bathroom screaming and crying at me, throwing the "I want my daddy" card, so I sent nanny in which worked haha.

I have had to have DH take her a few times when she's kicked up a stink with me. Daddy has more patience than Mummy sometimes haha! But I've been able to bribe her a lot when she asks for something.. earlier she asked for a tic-tac, so I said she could have one after she went for a wee so off she trotted and went.

Bananamama1213 Wed 06-Sep-17 11:10:21

First day at school today!

At drop off I spoke to the teacher once DD had gone in! I told her everything we'd been doing and how she needs to be taken to the toilet otherwise she won't go.

I feel SO much better knowing the teacher is aware of what we're doing with her and she will do the same.

MiaowTheCat Wed 06-Sep-17 11:12:34

Yeah we've had a chat preemptively with DD2's teacher (she doesn't start till tomorrow but we were in school this morning with her sister anyway) so hopefully stuff's in place.

Bananamama1213 Wed 01-Nov-17 12:30:19

We had our appointment today (had to delay it because she was poorly).

The doctor blamed me.

Said that it’s my fault because I apparently don’t want her to grow up.
I’m not authoritative enough so she knows she has all the control.

Said she’s stressed at school - she loves school and has lots of friends and loves her teachers so I don’t think it’s that!

I’m so pissed off because it wasn’t helpful at all!!!

CaptainKirkssparetupee Wed 01-Nov-17 18:34:57

flowers sorry to hear it was suck a pointless and bad experience. It's clear from your threads that you are desperately trying and are running out of ideas. Have you raised the option of pullups at school, explain that she can change them herself, so won't be any extra work staff wise?

Sometimes though all we are left with is to give these things time,

Bananamama1213 Wed 01-Nov-17 20:52:58

@CaptainKirkssparetupee

The school have been really good with her actually.. but have said no pull ups.

She was dry yesterday and today which is brilliant. She only had one accident on Monday.

They make her get herself changed, to try discourage her from wetting herself. They also take her hourly.

She is a lot worse at home still, but I’m certain that’s laziness. She slept at my mums the other night and was dry the whole time (except during the night as she still wears nappies for bed).

So she CAN do it - when she feels like it!

CaptainKirkssparetupee Wed 01-Nov-17 21:09:55

For some reason continence issues aren't taken seriously until about age 6 or 7. I really wouldn't be so quick to say it's laziness, things like sensory processing disorder can mean its harder for her to notice when her bladder is full.

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