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So she's we'ed once and thinks that's it...

(15 Posts)
JustCallMeThreadKiller Tue 01-Aug-17 12:46:15

Just like the title says. DD has done one singular solitary wee on the toilet and isn't interested in doing another one for love nor money. Is she just not ready???? She's 3 1/2 btw 😦

OP’s posts: |
Ecureuil Tue 01-Aug-17 12:53:33

What techniques are you using? How long have you been trying? What does she say when you tell her it's time to start doing her wees on the toilet?

JustCallMeThreadKiller Tue 01-Aug-17 14:01:33

So far put her in pants. She wet herself on 3 consecutive occasions then refused to have her pants back on again and reverted to nappies after a huge crying fit sad She won't sit on the potty and will use the toilet til the cows come home but won't actually wee on it.
Set alarm for every 10 mins for her to sit on the toilet she says no wee coming out then promptly gets off and wees in her nappy!! Tried bribery, reward charts etc. She only weed on the toilet as she was having a bath and started to flap her wings so I whipped her out and put her on the toilet. She seemed really pleased with herself but it was short lived angry

OP’s posts: |
littletwofeet Tue 01-Aug-17 14:09:33

Does she go a couple of hours between wees?
Does she know/tell you when she needs to go in her nappy?
Is she able to wee on demand even if it's only a small bit?

If she is ready, you shouldn't need to put her on the toilet every 10 minutes, it's probably annoying for her and putting her off doing it!

If she doesn't want to do it though, it's probably going to be hard work. Toiliting and eating are the few things children have complete control of so trying to make her do it when she doesn't want to won't be the easiest.
Maybe wait a couple of months and see if she wants to do it herself. When they are self motivated and physically ready you don't have to 'train' at all, especially at that age, they just do it.

JustCallMeThreadKiller Tue 01-Aug-17 14:35:21

Her motivation is the paw patrol air patroller which she REALLY wants!! She doesn't know when she needs a wee tbh so does that really mean not ready??

OP’s posts: |
littletwofeet Tue 01-Aug-17 23:22:02

I would say not ready if she doesn't know when she needs a wee.
When they recognise before they need to go and can hold it to get to the toilet, it's so much easier.

Other people do it differently though, taking them the toilet frequently, reminding them to go, bribes/rewards for going, having bare bum/just knickers on.

I found with mine that when they were properly ready, I didn't have to remind them to go, didn't have to carry a potty/spare clothes anywhere, no accidents.

The biggest thing though was self motivation - so no bribes/rewards needed as they WANTED to do it so going on the toilet and wearing no nappy was the motivation rather than a toy being the motivation if that makes sense.

All children are different though and lots of people have success with other methods. I just couldn't face loads of accidents!

I found being able to wee on demand was a big indicator of being ready as it shows they are aware of which mussels they need to use to go.

I didn't have a potty, just went straight to the toilet.

Does she tell you as she is weeing in her nappy?

JustCallMeThreadKiller Wed 02-Aug-17 07:38:34

Thank you littletwofeet. That all makes sense and it's really kind of you to take the time out I reply smile she doesn't know when she's done a wee in her nappy - she doesn't do the flapping motion with her little arms lol!!
Right, I'm going to be kind to all of us and leave her until she's ready. She's just so aware and intelligent I guess we thought it would come sooner! Thanks again smile

OP’s posts: |
littletwofeet Wed 02-Aug-17 09:34:15

Don't worry, it's nothing to do with intelligence, it's just when they are physically ready. Just like some walk early/late.
Once she starts telling you she's done a wee/needs a wee you can maybe try again.

Keep sitting her on the toilet before her bath and just say well done for sitting on even if she doesn't wee. She'll get theresmile

JustCallMeThreadKiller Wed 02-Aug-17 09:47:14

Thank you my lovely. You've made me feel so much better. Calm Mommy calm toddler!! Have a good day 🤗

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JustCallMeThreadKiller Wed 02-Aug-17 13:53:12

Fabulous... the HV has just been round and basically told me to force her i.e. Take her pants off and let her run free. angry

OP’s posts: |
littletwofeet Wed 02-Aug-17 19:55:01

Oh no. Sometimes HV have fixed ideas on when children should do things.

You know her best and probably have more of an idea than anyone as to whether she is ready.

If she doesn't want to do it and isn't physically ready (able to recognise when she needs to wee) it's a bit mean to force her. It's just going to get you stressed out cleaning up wee for days on end and may also make your DD stressed.

If she's 3.5 now when she 'gets it' which could be in a few weeks or few months, she'll probably just do it and it will be really easy. It honestly won't matter whether she's closer to 4.

JustCallMeThreadKiller Wed 02-Aug-17 21:06:01

Thank you again for being the voice of reason (or angel on my shoulder!) there's no way I'm going to force her it's just cruel isn't it? I'm just going to forget about it now. She's picking up on my stress and that's not good for her x Seriously though, thank you for your eloquent words. Sadly so often people on here are snippy and judgemental. You're one of the good guys 😘

OP’s posts: |
xrayyankeezulu Wed 02-Aug-17 21:42:39

Honestly @JustCallMeThreadKiller just leave it a while. I tried everything with DD, literally every tip I'd ever read on here & every other forum. We had success for a day or 2 then back to square one. I too had a useless HV & felt like a failure or that there was something wrong, looking back now it's ridiculous but I was so worried!! One day just before she turned 4 I was in the kitchen & she shouted mummy I've done a wee, I flew through to mop up & she was sat on the toilet, never had an accident & went without a problem from that day on. Turns out she just wasn't ready before then & as I've found with DD if she doesn't want to do something hell or high water won't change that. I'm hoping the strong will & determination will serve her well in adulthood until then it's going to be a bumpy ride wink

JustCallMeThreadKiller Wed 02-Aug-17 22:05:51

Thank you too xyz!! My DD has the exact same personality!!! Wonder where they get it from ahem.. 🙄 the more I push her the less she'll want do it. Definitely decided now she's in charge (of this situation battle at least)!! Thanks for your advice and letting me know there's light at the end of the toilet xx

OP’s posts: |
littletwofeet Thu 03-Aug-17 20:09:13

Arrrr, you're welcome, thank you for your lovey post flowers
Xrayy is right, you'll look back in a few years and wonder why you were so worried, you'll also look at other DC your DDs age when they are older and no one will know (or care) who was trained at 2/3/4! It's hard though at the time, especially if HV is making you feel like you should be doing it differently. I agree with you, it's cruel to force her. She's lucky to have such and understanding mum.

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