3 1/2 year old DS just refuses to use the toilet/potty!

[Babyiwantabump]

Please help . I don't know what else to do . Have been trying with DS for over a year to train him .

Bribery/ reward charts don't work .
He will literally wet/soil himself and just sit in it.
He just doesn't care at all. He will sit on the potty/ toilet once when promised something - will wee on it and then the rest of the day will be tantrums / accidents etc with copious changes .

I tried taking him every 20 minutes throughout the day . He will sit and then just mess himself afterwards anyway.

I don't know what to do. Playgroup have asked for him to be trained by September . How can I do it?

I've tried everything!

[AssassinatedBeauty]

When he's wet or soiled himself how do you react to it? What are the tantrums about?

[Babyiwantabump]

Normally I just say oh dear next time let's make sure we do that on the potty /toilet or something similar . I do have to admit though some days after cleaning the 4th or 5th poo off the floor I can get quite cross with him!

The tantrums are basically him saying he doesn't want to do it . He doesn't want to go on the potty or toilet .

[FruitBadger]

I did the "oh dear, next time..." etc line when potty training DS, but he did go through a stage of having some accidents. Nursery suggested that rather than trying to breezily gloss over it, I tried to be a little bit sad / disappointed - not cross or making a big deal, just similar words with a slightly different tone & facial expression.

I was lucky and DS wasn't difficult to train and was about 2.6 so very different, but perhaps worth a try?

[Babyiwantabump]

Have tried being sad and being happy and lots of praise when he does go - but then he just goes back to not wanting to and not caring that he's wetting and soiling himself .

He really doesn't care and I don't know what else to do!

[Ames33]

He's obviously not ready. My DS just turned 4 and he only potty trained a couple of months ago. We tried everything, but he wasn't ready. Then one day he said 'I'm ready for pants now mummy'.
He still has accidents and will only poo when he has his pull ups on at night (right after reading and settling him )
DS starts school in September and they don't seem overly concerned with where he is at, I think that play school might be being a bit harsh??

[Ames33]

Sorry just reread that and saying 'he obviously not ready' sounds a bit rude. What I mean is it sounds like he's not ready!

[SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower]

Mine was exactly like this. I left it for a few more weeks and suddenly he was ready.
Coincided with a half term and a run of warm dry days, so I let him run around the garden in just a t-shirt and he just got it. Works well as long as you don't mind him weeing on your flowers

[Oraiste]

I have no advice, but you have my sympathy. This is my DS exactly. Watching with interest and good luck.

[EssaysOfElia]

My DS has just turned 3 and this sounds just like him! I've been told not to worry and he'll get it eventually. My DD was 2.2yrs when she was potty trained so I feel like we should be making some progress by now!

Sorry, no advice but you're definitely not the only parent feeling this way.

I do think PP is right, playgroup seem to be pushing potty training when all children are different. Try not to worry and use the warm weather (if we get any) to let him play outside without nappy/pants on...that seemed to really work with my DD.

[Identity1]

Please don't worry or stress over it, my DS is 3 and half and I've just got him potty trained this last couple of weeks. I was you the last year !! Everybody told me he will just do it when ready. I had tried a few times over the last year but he just didn't get it. Then a couple of weeks ago, I was off work, warm weather and he literally just got it within a couple of days. Some accidents at first and then a short period of going all day without a wee but he's absolutely fine now. Just tackling the poos as reluctant to do this on potty at the minute but I'm sure this will come. I must say playgroup seem a bit harsh , nursery have been fantastic with my DS, and I know They have with the other children as well.

[JustCallMeThreadKiller]

I've just written the same post in my head Going through the EXACT same thing with our DD. Keep hearing the she's not ready too. Ugh!!!

[Babyiwantabump]

He's 3 and a half though and he knows what he's supposed to do just won't!

Spent £15 on character pants for him today and he just went NOPE! I'm not going to wear pants! I wear nappies!!

Don't know what to do!

[Identity1]

Oh no I do feel for you OP and I know you're probably fed up with everyone saying he's not ready and frustrated with everyone's success story !!. Have you tried no nappy and no underpants ?? In the first few days My DS didn't want to wear underpants so I just left them off, then before I knew it he was choosing his own pair when I was getting him dressed. However, we Did have one particular morning when he was going to nursery and didn't want them one he kept trying to get undressed...... he arrived at nursery with no jumper on, no shoes on, no coat on ..... and I just handed him over..... I think they're used to it!! I'm still having the problem with poos, keeps doing it in his pants.....

[Crumbs1]

Throw the nappies away and tell him now he's a big boy he wears pants and uses the lavatory. It's much more uncomfortable sitting in soggy pants than a damp nappy.

[wobblywonderwoman]

I think I would hide the nappies and let him feel how uncomfortable he is

[Thingywhatsit]

My dd is nearly 3.5 and is literally just potty trained (like since Monday!) we also have major poo withholding issues, and nursery want her trained for sept! Nappies leak as she pees like a horse and it's been driving me mad. Potty has been around for ages and I tried again to train last month on advice of consultant and got nowhere! Like your son, she just wanted her nappies and wasn't interested in being a big girl.

Then on Monday, she woke up with a dry nappy, I knew her nappy wouldn't hold the first wee of the day so managed to get her on the potty. Thought nothing of it, then two hours later she told me she wanted to wee, and got her on the potty with success. We haven't had an accident all week! She is now in nappy pants, rather than pants (but that is more cos of the poo issue as she can leak without warning depending on meds) and is doing great. We even went out and about today.

This time last week I never thought she would be trained for nursery in sept!!!!

What has helped us is a big box of her fav toys I got cheap off Amazon. Instant gratification! First few days she got rewards at end of each day for staying dry, and she also got rewards for completing her sticker charts. Sticker charts are now getting bigger so I'm dishing out fewer toys.

Every kid is different, but I would say the bigger the issue you make it, the less likely you are to have success. uou still have a month. Forget about it for 10
Days, put him back in nappies and then start again from scratch.

[Shemozzle]

I'm not sure if when you said the 4th or 5th poo on the floor, you meant in one day? Because if he's pooing so often it makes me wonder if there is something else going on. Constipation maybe? It isn't always obvious but a blockage can mean only liquid poo or parts of a stool come out, and a blockage can mean they struggle with the sensation of needing to go, both wee and poo.

[Mamabear4180]

Sounds like a battle of wills! Even though it may not be until the 4th or 5th time he wets/soils until you get cross, you're still getting cross!

Ultimately it's down to him isn't it? is take all the pressure off, a year of trying and getting nowhere seems like a massive waste of both of your time. Pre schools shouldn't have these conditions on toddlers, It's all wrong. Potty training needs to be much more child led IMO.