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3.9 and screams at any mention of potty/toilet

(14 Posts)
MrShine Mon 29-May-17 10:14:36


DS has no interest in potty training. He is quite happy to stay in a dirty nappy for hours and we usually have to bribe/distract him into getting changed. If we broach the subject of pottys/toilets he yells and refuses point blank to consider them. He has in the past pulled down his trousers and sat on them in his nappy, but only a couple of times and we can't figure out how to make him do it again grin

He's on the waiting list for an autism assessment as he had a significant speech delay and shows a few other traits, though as he gets older I've started to think he won't meet the criteria for a diagnosis. He does have a few sensory issues, such as refusing to have bare arms or legs.

He starts school in September and they're being supportive, although I know they'd much prefer him to be out of nappies obviously. Anyway, we figured we'd use half term to have another go, but as soon as I tried to put his pants on without a nappy he started crying and shouting. We've compromised on a pull up, which at least is some progress, as he usually won't wear those either!

Not sure what I'm after really...maybe just some reassurance that we'll get there eventually! And possibly that we're doing the right thing in not forcing the issue? The HV said not to push too hard in case it makes things worse, but I don't know if I need to be being more proactive in general? We've tried reading potty training stories with him but he refuses those too. He can be incredibly stubborn hmm Bribery doesn't work, and he's not interested in star charts. He seems immune to peer pressure too right now, and doesn't seem to care what the Big Kids do. Which I'm sure I'll be grateful for when he's older, but right now it might be handy!

Soo...any advice?

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oldbirdy Mon 29-May-17 10:21:41

My dd got very anxious about toilet training. The magic bullet for her was a "poo bag" with small treats in and a few bigger treats, she got to choose one when she went on the toilet. We made sure a few things were items she coveted (Lego Disney princesses etc) and then the rest were bags of haribo, party bag toys etc. This we combined with a recordable alarm app on the tablet. We set the alarm to go off two hourly and recorded it to say "Sally, it's toilet time!" . This meant we were not pressuring her, the instructions came from the computer. Much to my total amazement, it worked from the first alarm. She sat down and did a wee! We had planned to give chocolate button treats for sitting but not going, but never needed to as she started using the toilet straight away (and never had another accident!). I have suggested this to a few others and it has worked for some of them too. Worth a try I think.

MrShine Mon 29-May-17 10:30:51

Thanks oldbirdy. What was your dd wearing if you don't mind me asking? Did you use pullups or just put her in knickers?

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BusterGonad Mon 29-May-17 10:31:09

He will get there in the end, my boy started school just out of nappys and he's an October baby! He wasn't interested in the potty or the toilet, he hated doing poo's on the toilet and it was very hard work getting him to do it. He'd often wet himself at school (once a week) but they were understanding. My boy hasn't got any additional needs except from he's emotionally behind, as in he gets overly upset about things and he cries easily. He occasionally wets the bed, but apart from that he's doing well. Every child is different at when all the other kids are out of nappys and dry at a young age it can really really get you down but please don't let it, all children are different!

BeingATwatItsABingThing Mon 29-May-17 10:37:56

DD took a long time to toilet train. She would get very anxious about it. We did stickers for sitting and not fussing and chocolate buttons for a wee. Then we did a prize for 3 poos on the toilet.

We bought one of these and it worked a treat. She liked using it and could do it by herself. A bonus as she is fiercely independent.

oldbirdy Mon 29-May-17 10:40:30

shine she was already in knickers. I had swapped her about a month earlier. She refused nappies, hated getting her knickers wet but refused to sit on potty and had taken to holding wee for up to 24 hours at a time. We were quite desperate looking back and the iPad alarm was a miracle cure.

BeingATwatItsABingThing Mon 29-May-17 10:43:59

We also got toilet training pants. They kept the wee from leaking but didn't wick it away immediately so DD knew she'd been for a wee.

SnoutFish Mon 29-May-17 10:45:24

Mine was the same (inc asd) Happy to sit in it for ages, hated being changed. Refused the toilet and potty. In the end I told him he had a choice. Either he used the toilet with or he let us change him without fuss. Rewards, bribery and star charts he doesn't care.
He wa also too heavy for changing tables so in the end he just went into pants and i took about 5 changes of clothes out with me. He was very regular though, so we knew he would poo at home in the evening. In the end I bought a potty with a flat cushioned seat and a matching toilet seat and he was happy to use those. He didn't like the traditional plastic potty.

MrShine Mon 29-May-17 10:48:55

Thanks Buster, you made me a bit emotional there! I think we've had so much stress and anxiety over the speech thing and now he's getting better with that and this just seems like something else to worry about... DS is August born and I think also quite behind socially and emotionally, though bright academically (as academical as 3 year old get, anyway!). I need to remind myself, his strengths lie elsewhere grin

BeingATwat, oh, that ladder looks quite interesting...he's obsessed with climbing things, so that could be a temptation for him. Unfortunately all attempts at bribery end in tantrums right now, I'm hoping that ends as he gets older!

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MrShine Mon 29-May-17 10:52:53

I have a couple of pairs of plain white toilet training pants that he screamed at this morning, but maybe if I get some with picures on they might be more appealing. Tablet alarm might work if I can find the app, he loves the tablet!

I'm worried about poo too, he tends to do a few little ones throughout the day (did I mention his diet is appalling? grin) which will complicate things I think hmm

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BusterGonad Mon 29-May-17 10:59:14

MrShine it's really tough but you just need to hold your head up high and remember all the good things about your child, I had a friends mum make a snide comment once, I just wanted to cry but you can't. My son is now 8 and he's doing well, he still has a thing about the toilet, I need to go in with him, but I don't mind. I won't be accompany him to the toilet when he's a teenager so I find it's best not to make a big deal about it. Some kids are better at certain things then others, my son is the best reader in his class so I can be proud of that, even if he does have the occasional wee accidents! grin

BeingATwatItsABingThing Mon 29-May-17 11:02:16

The steps were brilliant. We bought two sets. One for upstairs and one for downstairs.

DD is pretty perfectly trained at home. I think we are nearly 100% there out now. She struggles with hand dryer noises. She panics herself that they are going to go off even when we are the only ones in the toilets.

MrShine Mon 29-May-17 11:08:52

Oh, I haven't let myself think about how we'll cope out and about, DS hates handdryers too. He also hates being changed in the baby change rooms so we've not had any full days out since he was a baby really. I get people telling me 'just change him!' and I have to explain the logistics of trying to pin down a thrashing preschooler in an enclosed space and trying to get a nappy on over kicking legs. I envy anyone who's child is compliant with any personal care! Would those steps fit a rectangular toilet do you think?

Aww Buster, your DS sounds lovely!

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BeingATwatItsABingThing Mon 29-May-17 11:11:50

I think they are just a one size fits all. They just perch on top so I see no reason why they wouldn't fit a square toilet.

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