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Is it supposed to be this hard?!

(27 Posts)
pipnchops Fri 12-May-17 10:50:51

Day two. DD is 2.7 and I'm so close to giving up but DH and DM think I've come this far and should push on.
So she's holding in her wee until she's dancing around bursting and letting little bits out all over the place getting increasingly agitated.
I'm asking regularly if she needs a wee and she always says no.
I'm trying to sit her on her potty every so often, she screams.
I've offered her a chocolate button if she sits on her potty. She does, but no wee, even if she's bursting. She won't stay on there long.
So far since yesterday morning she's done a few spots in the potty which I've made a big deal about and given her a little toy car and said there are more if you do more wees. But all big wees have been on the floor, usually when she's distracted by something else.
She's usually very regular with one or two poos a day but nothing since yesterday morning.
I have a 6mo baby who I'm breastfeeding so sometimes I can't get to her in time before an accident happens. It's stressing me out but I'm not making her feel bad about accidents, but she gets very upset about them.
I'm hating this! Is it really supposed to be this hard. I hate staying in too but I'm too scared to go anywhere. Is it supposed to be this hard?

katkitkat Fri 12-May-17 10:53:56

I didn't even begin until my DD was 3. She nailed it in a couple of weeks and was subsequently dry at night within the month.

Not saying it's that easy for everyone just by leaving it later, but I think being that bit older, better at communicating and understanding the need to wee is so much better when they are older.

I would say leave it and try again in a few months.

It's not worth this much stress and hassle, it makes them take longer when they can see you are fed up.

SleepFreeZone Fri 12-May-17 10:55:10

No it's not supposed to be this hard. She's not ready, put her in pull ups and come back to it in a couple of months time.

missyB1 Fri 12-May-17 10:55:14

The first few days are the hardest and can feel very dispiriting! It was about day 5 when my ds started to cooperate, I was sitting him on every 20 - 30 minutes but the first few days he held it in and did it all on the floor! Try distracting her whilst she's on the potty with her favourite tv program or dvd. Also do you have a children's book about potty training for her? We had one called Pirate Pete I think.

BertrandRussell Fri 12-May-17 10:56:08

No it shouldn't be hard. If it's hard they aren't ready. Back to nappies and try again in a month.

JanuarySmith Fri 12-May-17 10:57:39

Try again in a year. It's too early for most children. 3 is about right. Once they're ready, it's easy. You can't 'train' a bodily function which will come in time

I think it's time to put the potty away, put the nappies back on, and try again in a fortnight.

Firenight Fri 12-May-17 10:58:44

Agreed. If they are ready it should be a doddle. Even my really late toilet trainer (4) cracked it within
5 days when we went cold turkey on the nappies.

SleepFreeZone Fri 12-May-17 10:58:55

I would start a reward chart. Make it really positive and visually exciting with wonderful treats/presents at the end if she manages to do a wee or op on the potty then down the line perhaps when she does x amounts of wees in the right place or has s dry day with no accidents.

It basically has to be hugely positive and not fearful or scary. She can still potty train whilst wearing a pull up. You can normally see when they need a wee. If at the moment though the whole thing is horribly negative just stop, reorganise yourself and start again at a later date.

WowserBowser Fri 12-May-17 11:00:17

No. I had a hard time with DS - gave up, and next time we tried he was dry pretty much straight away. Only about 3 accidents in total and never at night.

katkitkat Fri 12-May-17 11:03:54

I honestly wouldn't bother with reward charts and treats and whatever else.

Yes it needs to be completely positive but if they are not ready, no amount of rewards will help.

If you need to constantly remind them and constantly put them on the potty they are not ready.

My three year old only needed showing a few times, then started to go and use the potty by herself without saying a word.

If it is really that difficult and stressful it means they are not ready.

pipnchops Fri 12-May-17 11:27:14

Thanks, got Pirate Pete, we've been reading it to her for a while, she enjoys it. She totally gets what to do but is resisting it for some reason I cannot fathom. She won't let me sit her on the potty. She screams and wiggles away. She'll sit on it herself for a short time if bribed.

Just now she started asking for cuddles and saying she was sad. I put baby down mid feed (who started to scream) and DD was running around crying. She reminded me of how I feel when I know I'm going to be sick but I'm not near a toilet and I'm desperately looking for somewhere to do it! She was beside herself and I was trying to put her over the toilet or potty but she was screaming the house down. I felt so awful for her so I just grabbed a pull up nappy and put it on her. Within seconds she'd done a poo. I changed her but haven't put a new nappy on. She's now happily painting half naked while I finish feeding baby!

I'm reluctant to give up because I've put her through this much and I think if I just get through today then I can hand over to DH over the weekend. He's keen to persevere. But if she's still like like on Monday I give up! It's reassuring to know it's not supposed to be this hard.

pipnchops Fri 12-May-17 11:37:36

What I'm keen to know is those people who say my DC got it after three or five days etc, we're days 1 and 2 this hard?

LurkingQuietly Fri 12-May-17 11:37:49

Another vote for going back to nappies. I tried my DS at 2.7. Exactly the disaster you mention but he wasn't holding, he was just weeing wherever. Soul destroying.

Back in nappies, tried again at 3.2. He nailed it. Not one accident. He's still in nappies at night at 3.4, but days he is probably more reliable than friends who have been trained for a while in that he is never desperately seeking a loo.

Add a 6 month old into the mix and I know I'd be going back to nappies.

missyB1 Fri 12-May-17 13:05:15

Yes pipnchops I do remember the first couple of days very clearly, I felt like a failure and yes felt like giving up, but I'm glad I didn't. What I would say to you is give it a few more days, and if next week nothing is better then go back to pull ups and forget it for a few months.

BeeMyBaby Sat 13-May-17 08:19:23

My DDs were toilet trained at 23months and 19months, both within 2 weeks. There were accidents but not this extreme aversion to using the potty and holding in. As other posters advise, I would stop and try again in a couple of weeks till she calms down about using the potty. It's not necessarily that she is not ready (she knows she needs a wee or a poo but she is purposefully holding it in), just that she is scared of the process so persisting might make the fear worse and longer lasting.

pipnchops Sat 13-May-17 20:39:30

Thanks that's useful to know. I actually put a nappy on her shortly after my last post and I'm giving it a rest. I showed my DH this thread when he finished work and he agreed about taking a break until she's a bit more open to the idea. Thank you all.

mycavitiesareempty Sat 13-May-17 20:44:56

No when I trained DD at bang on 3 there was zero anxiety or withholding. It literally took 3 hours. One accident.

Ds took a bit longer... 4 days maybe? Same age. Maybe I was just lucky.

I agree she isn't ready. Withholding can be a big issue. Does she see you/DH use the loo?

Doje Sat 13-May-17 20:46:16

I see you've made a decision, but for what it's worth, I agree - wait a while. I am one of those probably annoying people whose DC got it in 3 days, and no, it wasn't this tough. It was exhausting (I cried on my DH when the weekend arrived!) but not tough.

Your DD just doesn't sound willing at the moment. She'll start to see more and more of her peers out of nappies, and I reckon she'll turn around one day and just tell you she doesn't want to wear one any more.

soundsystem Sat 13-May-17 20:47:52

As others have said, it does sound as if she's not ready, and with a new sibling you can sort of see why she might not want to be "grown up"?

I'd leave it and try again in a month or so.

Your approach sounds really sensible, but if she's not ready she's not ready.

Littleraincloud Sat 13-May-17 20:53:31

I haven't found rewards to work because its unsustainable. Leave it til summer, put her in a long t shirt and no pants everyday whenever you can and let her play in the garden a lot so you have less mopping. Then when she's going to the potty reliably put her pants on at home and put her on the potty when she shows signs. When she's grasped that wear trousers over the pants at home. When she's got that she's dry! Mine have been both dry for about 2 1/2 that way and its relatively light on washing

pipnchops Sat 13-May-17 20:54:38

Thanks, yes she loves watching us on the toilet and wants to watch all her little friends go to the toilet when they come over (some let her!) I had the same thought that it might be related to her baby sister and not wanting to grow up.

GreenRut Sat 13-May-17 20:57:02

My eldest was the same, holding it in until he was in pain. Had to take him to the gp au one point as he was in so much agony (we didn't know why!). I agree with others, go back to nappies / pull ups for now. I think your child will now associate it with pain and that won't help. I remember the stress of it though op, you have my sympathy (and by comparison both my other 2 have been a doddle because I've left it slightly later and so they were ready).

happy2bhomely Sat 13-May-17 21:05:14

All 5 of mine were dry day and night no later than 3 1/2 with no training or bribing at all.

They were all shown the potty and the toilet and they watched us use the toilet. I let them try it if they asked but I didn't reward or punish at all. We treated toileting just like eating and sleeping. They did it all in their own time with no problems at all.

Kahlua4me Sat 13-May-17 21:05:23

My 2 showed no interest until they were 3. Both then were dry during the day in a week,bar the old accident.

I agree with others to leave her in nappies for a while and she will show you when ready.

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