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Had enough. Nearly 4 year old & constant accidents

(31 Posts)
ToiletHell Wed 11-Jan-17 14:53:54

Although I can't be 100% sure there's nothing medical (I do have a gp appointment coming up) I'm pretty sure it's behavioural as he's showed ability in the past. I think he just can't be bothered, he's happy just carrying on playing and weeing or pooing in his pants. Maybe it's an attention thing as he is difficult in other ways and has a younger brother, who's one to complete with for my attention. I've just had enough though. I spend my whole day washing his clothes and trying to persuade him to go to the toilet. I've tried everything in terms of encouragement (bribes), nothing motivates him. I've just changed him for the third time today. I've left him naked from the waste down and told him if he can't use the toilet he'll have to wear a nappy and handed him a nappy. He's gone ballistic now and is having a half naked tantrum having thrown the nappy in the bin. I know approach probably isn't advised but I'm just sick of it. What can I do when nothing is working?!

ToiletHell Wed 11-Jan-17 14:55:25

His little brother is 1 I meant, didn't write that bit very clearly.

Lotsofqueries Thu 12-Jan-17 21:48:44

I've just come on here for help also. Son turns 4 shortly and having constant accidents just the same - like he can't be bothered to go to the toilet. What do we do??

goldielookingchain Thu 12-Jan-17 21:51:06

Also following and having similar problems

ToiletHell Mon 16-Jan-17 20:22:20

It's so tough isn't it, I just don't know what to do for the best. It's gone on for too long now & school is this year, there's no way I can send him like this. GP appointment is tomorrow so I'll see what they say.

Lotsofqueries Mon 16-Jan-17 20:33:53

Let us know what they say. Mine too starting school this year so need to sort it

MrsDc7 Mon 16-Jan-17 20:40:49

Total nightmare for you all. What I will say is that they can change hugely in the space of a few months so try not to worry about school at this point. Go and see the GP and get advice from them but also consider reward charts. A sweety jar worked for me. I put it high up and said every time he went to the potty/toilet he could have one. It might be an idea to put a potty in the living room with you because my son turned out to be afraid of going up to the bathroom alone. Good luck

MrsDc7 Mon 16-Jan-17 20:41:24

Thank god for haribo is all I can say

Twinwife Mon 16-Jan-17 20:45:56

I've been going through this too. Nearly 4 year old (also a one year old too) who we have been potty training for 18 long, poopy pant months.

At times he would soil up to 4 x a day. Any way, we are now about day 15 of no accidents. I don't want to tempt fate but I think he might have done it. It was like a light switch and no apparent cause for the change

I feel it was behavioural for him,mixed with softer poos at times that he struggles to control.

I think all you can do is keep positive, reward the good toiletting and wait . Good luck

charlestrenet Mon 16-Jan-17 20:51:34

Whether it's behavioural or mechanical, there is help out there. Definitely try Gp or health visitor or do you have a local continence service? Some you can self refer to and they'll give you strategies. Sympathies to all going through this - it's very hard and causes a lot of anxiety.

somewhereitiswinetime Mon 16-Jan-17 21:33:36

My dd was a very young (august baby) so when she started school in the September she'd only just turned 4. I was pretty much met on a daily basis by the teacher with a bag of clothes that she had wet (rarely poo but sometimes). This went on for most of her first yr in foundation. We came to the conclusion that she was just too busy playing to realise she needed the loo. I can remember it being very stressful but we did try a reward chart and this did help with the incentive of a toy when she managed 20 days without an accident. We did get there in the end!! And it felt like we had turned the corner!
It's just worth remembering that all children develop at different stages and this is just part of it. They do eventually grow out of it. Although it maybe worth a visit to the Drs to check that everything is ok.

ToiletHell Tue 17-Jan-17 12:50:53

Thank you for all the responses, it helps to hear words of reassurance and encouragement and to know I'm not the only one. The GP was really good and has referred to the paediatric continence team (didn't know this existed). Also a marble reward jar arrived today and DS seems pretty excited so we'll give that a go. I agree rewards are the way to go but it's finding something that works, stickers and sweets don't seem to motivate him any more. Good luck to all of you in the same boat!

Theaprilfool Mon 30-Jan-17 16:44:09

How are things now, have they improved?

Bejeena Wed 01-Feb-17 18:19:40

So glad I found this thread, exactly same situation and relieved that we are not alone.

MiaowTheCat Wed 08-Feb-17 12:20:41

Same here - thought we'd cracked it at Christmas and she was heading off and going on her own and then bam - yet another regression and bags of joy from preschool every single day. It's been 2 steps forward and 1 1/2 steps back the whole time with DD2 though but the school-starting panic is setting in a bit with me since the head was such a bloody condescending cow over the toileting issue at the induction days with DD1 so I don't imagine school will be at all supportive if we've not nailed it by then.

borage13 Sun 12-Feb-17 21:47:30

Watching with interest. 4 in three weeks, 4 accidents today and a wee on the floor. End of tether.

sarahandme Wed 22-Feb-17 20:35:22

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Zoeroo Thu 23-Feb-17 11:43:07

Hi
I'm having the same problem. My little one is 3 and a half and having trouble with his poos. This time last year he was brilliant he used to say he needed it and went fine. All of a sudden he went backwards with both wee and poos and had accidents ever day. He's now ok with his wees but poos are a different story. He won't say he needs it he just does it in his pants it's like he's pumping and bits are coming out. He will refuse to sit on the toilet even though you know he needs it I've tried everything potty, reward charts, treats letting him take is toys, explaining etc. I've ran out of ideas now. He knows where to go but just won't. I mean it's not all the time which is making me think is he getting the feeling as he never says he needs when he goes on the toilet it's because he's gone for a wee. I'm getting worried as he starts school this Sept one week after he's 4. sad

Zoeroo Thu 23-Feb-17 11:49:24

Forgot to mention this has been going on for a year now and already been to the GP and they didn't do or suggest anything. So going again tomorrow. Toilethell how did you get a referral because I do feel there is something other than laziness

Marquand Thu 23-Feb-17 13:25:57

I'm glad I'm not alone. My older son is 4 and a half. He was never fully potty trained, especially for poos, and that has been a concern. However, since his baby brother was born shortly before his 4th birthday, it has been a nightmare.

We have managed with reward charts to improve his tooth brushing behaviour, but no amount of promised rewards have helped with the pooing. We are not sure if it is physical or emotional, so will go through a process of elimination (mmm, not the best word to use). I'm really tired of this, and my irritation is starting to make way for worry more often.

IamAparent Fri 24-Feb-17 17:06:31

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IamAparent Fri 24-Feb-17 17:07:13

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tapdancingmum Fri 24-Feb-17 17:33:27

Zoeroo - have a google of encropresis. I came across it many years ago when one of my pre schoolers had this problem. It comes about if they become impacted in the bowel which can happen if they have done a poo that hurts and try not to go.

CassieM987 Tue 07-Mar-17 05:35:08

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CatWithKittens Tue 07-Mar-17 09:51:27

"'I've left him naked from the waste down and told him if he can't use the toilet he'll have to wear a nappy..."
What a wonderful typo for this topic - it had me laughing and turned an otherwise difficult morning into one in which I remembered how to giggle - thank you, ToiletHell.

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