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4 year old potty training

(31 Posts)
Mommyhayz89 Mon 02-Jan-17 14:03:03

Really need help my 4y.o. son is refusing to come out of nappies, I've tried everything from pull ups to pants, reward chart, treats etc I've even gone as far as putting the potty in his room incase it's a shyness thing but he refuses to come out of nappies. He screams if I go to put pants/pull ups on him. I don't know what to do he is meant to start school in September but he won't use toilet/potty. Please help! smile

alezas Fri 06-Jan-17 22:42:04

How old was he when you first tried to toilet train him? Have there been any periods when he has worn pants or always nappies? Was against it from the start?

Mommyhayz89 Sat 07-Jan-17 09:14:27

I first started when he was 2.5 years old, he did wear pants for a short time when we first started toilet training but when at home he preferred to wear nothing. He did used to wee standing up at the potty but he had a poo on the floor so we said 'nevermind good boy for telling mommy'. He screams the house down now if I try to put pants/pull ups on or even if I try leave him with no nappy on

alezas Sat 07-Jan-17 14:04:44

Does he have any additional needs? If he's otherwise developmentally normal I'd be inclined to 'run out of nappies'. One day after changing him I'd just say 'oh dear we're out of nappies but never mind because you're too big for them now anyway, let's just put these pants/joggers on and when you need a wee or poo just tell me and we'll go to the toilet'. Try and just say it really casually and matter of fact. Then when he gets upset just give him a quick cuddle, say never mind it will be ok, then distract him with something he enjoys. I know this is much easier said than done but I'd stick at it and hope for the best. Let him wear what he wants and if he has an accident just say, next time we'll use the toilet. Get him to help with cleaning up, putting clothes in the wash etc and give lots of positive praise if he goes on the loo. Good luck!

Mommyhayz89 Sat 07-Jan-17 18:55:46

Thank u I've tried all of the above unfortunately to the point I actually had ran out of nappies on purpose and I kept it going for hours (I had a delivery of groceries due including nappies) and even with distractions and praises I had screaming/moaning and constant sentence 'I want a nappy' lol.

Making me feel like a crappy mom if I'm honest as I've tried everything but can't get him out of nappies. No additional needs either

alezas Sat 07-Jan-17 21:27:40

I'm sorry you feel that way, I feel like a crap mum too at the moment as my sons behaviour has been so awful lately. I expect neither of us are really crap though! It's sounds tough and like you are doing your best. What does he say when you talk to him about it? Does he give a reason for wanting to stay in nappies? & also does he attend pre-school?

happymumof4crazykids Sat 07-Jan-17 21:39:44

Maybe try a reward chart with stickers of his favourite character? He gets a sticker for wearing big boy pants, sticker every time he uses the toilet ( even if he has an accident but tried) and rewards for each day that he gets a certain number of stickers and a big reward at the end of the week? I have done this with my 3 year old DD as she refused point blank to use the toilet and would only use the potty. We had to get her using the toilet as she was starting nursery and they refuse to take them in nappies or let them use a potty. It worked like a charm!

Crumbs1 Sat 07-Jan-17 21:42:39

He's four -you are the parent so,don't let him rule the roost. Unless he has special needs he should be capable of understanding he is too old for nappies. Stop buying them. Tell him he is too old for nappies as he is a big boy. Let him choose his pants but insist it is pants or nothing. If he refuses leave him without and when he gets cold offer pants. He'll probably scream, kick shout but he'll get over it if you stand firm. Ignore his whinging completely. At four negotiating is not going to work.

WheresTheEvidence Sat 07-Jan-17 21:47:34

3 step process

1. Decide when you're going to start potty training
2. Throw out all nappies
3. Don't give in to tears/tantrums and stay strong.

DONT GIVE IN, DON'T GIVE IN, DON'T GIVE IN.

Thirtyrock39 Sat 07-Jan-17 21:52:56

Put a nappy on over pants. That way he has security of the nappy but will feel when he is wet and will help him recognise when he needs to go and that it's not actually nice to be wet- modern nappies are so absorbent that they're easy for kids to stay in when they wee so know awareness/ need to change. Also do all nappy changes in the bathroom so that he is having to relocate when wet- otherwise life does seem a lot easier in a nappy - not having to do anything or move when wet etc... try him on the loo every two to three hours....at 4 he should have the bladder capacity to not need to go any more than this and it's important to build up the bladder to get used to holding onto liquid ( not weeing too frequently )

isthistoonosy Sat 07-Jan-17 21:53:38

I was prob a bit mean but I said he wad big now, nappies are for babies and then if je asked for a nappy I explained they are for babies, you can be a baby but babies cant do/have 'x' so babies don't eat icecream/watch dora/read big boy books/play outside alone etc etc. He wanted that stuff to much to choose nappies over them.

Mrstumbletap Sat 07-Jan-17 22:03:05

Agree with above. Say nappies are for babies, does he have any older cousins/friends so you can say "Harry doesn't wear nappies, William doesn't wear nappies, they are big boys".

Dont buy any more, and use the treat he loves most, chocolate, sweets, even a small toy to make a massive fuss when he does use the potty/toilet. Do you have a toilet ring thing to go on the toilet they can have characters on them.

You could take him to the shop with you to by his special big boy pants, Peppa, Spider-Man etc whatever he wants, keep up the "these are for big boys etc".

If all that failed after giving it a good go for a week, I think I would go down the behaviour route, only because after I potty trained my DS after about 3 months he starting wetting himself again a couple of times a week and I got annoyed as I knew he could go to the toilet. So each time he sat on the thinking step for 2 minutes and I made him clean up any puddles himself, (I cleaned it up properly afterwards) take his own wet trousers to the washing machine etc so it was a big inconvenience for him. He realised it was easier to just wee in the loo than deal with the cleaning up and getting clean clothes every time.

Mommyhayz89 Sun 08-Jan-17 09:17:33

Thanks for all the advice. I have tried most the suggestions but I think I'm just going to have to firmer. It's difficult to do around work tho, how do find the balance? His child minder said she would try him aswell. I think my problem is I feel like I'm pressuring him to much he will never come out of nappies

ryderandthepups Sun 08-Jan-17 09:31:58

I had a very reluctant potty trainer, was 3.6 when we finally nailed it and this is what worked for me, it's something I read on another potty training thread. I filled a shoebox with cheap little treats, stickers, pens, a tiny Lego set, a few another bits and bobs. Every time he used the potty he was allowed to choose one thing from the 'well done box'. He could rummage through and was soon getting excited and would be planning what he'd choose next time too. It was enough of an incentive to get him to try it and once he got the hang of it something clicked, I think he realised it wasn't as big a deal as he thought.

Mrstumbletap Sun 08-Jan-17 09:45:51

I did it on a weeks holiday, do you have any holiday coming up or even a long weekend? So much easier if it's one person to be consistent. If not you and the childminder will just have to team up and be consistent and tackle it together.

Crumbs1 Sun 08-Jan-17 14:34:31

Mmmnnn Tommie it sounds like you aren't pressuring him enough!

Lweji Sun 08-Jan-17 14:41:04

I convinced my son that there were no more nappies anywhere. So, no point in asking for them. It worked because he was dry at night anyway.
I even took him around a large supermarket looking for them (easier to miss them wink), and bought some nice pants for him.

By that time he was used to having a wee in the toilet before bed.

Perhaps you could tell him that somewhere he likes to go only accepts children over 4 in pants.

Mommyhayz89 Sun 08-Jan-17 18:40:31

Well I've told both kids they have just had last nappy for bed so when they wake up now all nappies have gone so will see how that works. I'm predicting a day from hell but needs must lol

alezas Sun 08-Jan-17 20:24:59

Let us know how you get on!

Mommyhayz89 Sun 08-Jan-17 21:17:25

I will do thanks. My 2yo daughter has had a few wees on the potty today so hopefully will motivate my son tomorrow

Char22thom Sun 08-Jan-17 21:22:37

Timing is everything when it cones to potty training, you need to be in a place to be able to focus 100% on it, even more so if child is reluctant/anxious to do it. Try to do it in a week where you have little else happening, dont need to be away from home and most importantly are able to be consistent, your child is telling you he isn't confortable with this change and he needs the time to adjust whilst you are there and able to stand firm and show him it is ok x

Mommyhayz89 Mon 09-Jan-17 19:14:37

Update: he managed to have a wee on the potty today with minimal whinging grin it's a small step but a step in the right direction. Thank u to u all for the advice

Lweji Mon 09-Jan-17 19:19:23

Yay. smile

Autumnsunshinebaby Mon 09-Jan-17 19:23:05

Potty training failed epically when I put pressure on. When I took off all the pressure, my 3 year old ditched the nappies and barely had any accidents in the last year. You're not a crap mum, you are trying to navigate a tricky path!

Mommyhayz89 Mon 09-Jan-17 19:32:49

I decided to tell him that we ran out of nappies and after about 5 mins of crying I distracted with toys and when he wanted a wee he just got up stood over the potty and off he went lol

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