DS is 3.5 and not potty trained. What do I do?

[ToxicLadybird]

I'm at a loss. He knows what the toilet/potty is for. If I sit him on it, he'll wee if he can. But he has no awareness yet of needing to wee or poo before hand. So if I put him in pants and keep reminding him, he just has accident after accident, which really upsets him. Now he just wants to stay in nappies. But at 3.5 he's the only child in his nursery class still in nappies.

I feel like a rubbish parent just now. What do I do? Just carry on waiting until he is ready?

[VeganMama83]

Following this as my 3.5 yo is the same tho he's never weed on potty/toilet.

He will always indicate he's gone after the fact but seems to be happy in nappies. He had quite a severe speech delay so I'm thinking that isn't helping either. Would love some help on how to gently potty train (also his 2y5m old brother could copy then and potty train too!)

[ToxicLadybird]

bump

[kildare34]

Morning! I absolutely feel your pain. My youngest ds was very resistant to the idea of potty training and he also has a speech delay. His issue was that he would not sit on the potty or toilet no matter how much I bribed or pleaded with him. He have very good bladder control as he could hold it for hours and then wait for the night time nappy and wee in it before bedtime. I was up the wall with worry. I have great support from his nursery teachers who kept encouraging me not to give up, which was so hard. Believe me I had bought stickers, charts, pirate pete, 3 different type of pottys etc . So after 5 weeks of piss and shit and stress and refusing the toilet!!, when DS was 3 years and 5 months (I always remember the date 1st May 2016) he pulled his pants down and did a wee in the potty and we never looked back bar one or two accidents that week. That same week he stayed dry at night as well which was an unexpected surprise. I suppose I am posting here to give a positive story because I really thought we would never get him trained as he is so bloody stubborn. I have 3 ds and they are all different in how they potty trained day and night. So hang in there, it is awful but you will get there

[chocolatesolveseverything]

I was just coming along to post a similar query - I feel your pain!

[SauvignonPlonker]

DD is 3.5 & still in nappies. She has never done a wee in the potty or toilet. Just now I have her in pants, but if I ask her to go, or if she needs - she'll just say no. Then she either withholds, or gets the floor. I'm trying to persevere but it's really frustrating.

We've tried stickers,charts, rewards. She's just bit interested.

I'm giving it another go this week as I'm off work, but not feeling very hopeful.

[SauvignonPlonker]

DD is 3.5 & still in nappies. She has never done a wee in the potty or toilet. Just now I have her in pants, but if I ask her to go, or if she needs - she'll just say no. Then she either withholds, or gets the floor. I'm trying to persevere but it's really frustrating.

We've tried stickers,charts, rewards. She's just bit interested.

I'm giving it another go this week as I'm off work, but not feeling very hopeful.

[user1471528942]

I am keeping an eye on this post as my dd is 3.2 and also still in nappies. We have tried putting knickers on but she holds wee and poo for a very long time. She also seems terrified of actually sitting on the toilet or potty. Stickers/ bribes have not worked. She has just started pre school and i am getting a lot of pressure from staff which is frustrating as it is not through lack of trying!
Hoping some good tricks will come on here.

[Every1lovesPatsy]

My 7 year old still soils himself about once per week. So take it really, really easy on him. Some kids just take a lot longer to recognise the urge.

My tips are:
Put a stop to it for a while to take the pressure off. Try again in a month.

Make sure the diet is high in fibre, so that he can feel the urge of a poo. Too much dairy (chocolate) can result in soft stools that are hard to detect. Recognise pooing patterns, many kids poo once per day, usually after eating.

If I was doing it again, I would buy one of those pee aim toys that sits in the toilet bowl. Kids love games and being competitive. I still might buy one to help with aim!!!

Get some potty training books and really equip yourself with knowledge...there is so much bad information out there. Always support and encourage, do not give out or pressurise if possible.

Be prepared for it potentially taking a long time (maybe even a year), don't have unrealistic expectations.

[Every1lovesPatsy]

Holding back ....there is a medical term for that. Google it, encopresis or something like that. It is all psychological and it can be very hard on kids.

Reading on the potty is good. Giving them the I-pad and allow them to relax and forget about the pressure to perform and give them plenty of time to go to the toilet is all good.

[CreamCrackerundertheSettee]

My dd took a lot of pursuading to use the toilet or potty. She withheld wee and poo and it was all a nightmare! She decided herself that she wantes to wear knickers but didn't want to go in the toilet or potty either.

We cracked wees by having a bag if little treats in the bathroom that she could choose after each sucessful wee - a lucky dip with hair clips, crayons, a little pony. This was after unsucessfully trying sticker charts etc. I think the immediacy of the reward helped!

Poo was much harder to crack. I have no idea where her fear came from but she found the idea of pooing on the toilet or potty frightening. For months she asked for a nappy to poo in. We also read 'Poo goes to Pooland' which was written by a DClin student, free if you google.

I then started to cut holes in the nappy- I told her they were old! She then got used to seeing some poo in the potty. Eventually we were left with a sort of nappy shell that she wore. In the end she started to forget to ask for the 'nappy'.

She is nearly 6 and still has incredible bowel control and will withhold if she isn't somewhere she feels comfortable pooing.

Hope that helps someone.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

Have you tried taking him to the toilet every hour, rather than asking him if he needs to go? Ds was trained at 3.5 and we had a long time of doing that before he recognised the need to go. He wore pull ups until we'd cracked it as wet pants were too upsetting.

[zad1970]

Hi I am new ti mumsnet. My daughter will be 4 years in Jan 2017. She is afraid of pooing in the toilet due to the fact that she has been constipated. I had to put her in pull ups just to make her go but she refuses to go. She has no problem weeing though. Im giving her fruits and high fibre. I even tried bribery but no avail. Please help

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

Zad- take her to the GP, sounds like she needs Movicol or similar.

[zad1970]

She was put on Lactulose. She finally went 3 times today. But i am still not sure she is ready to poo on toilet..

[SauvignonPlonker]

Just a quick update to say my DD finally cracked it! One afternoon, I asked her if she'd like to wear pants, she said yes& we never looked back. She did poos in her pants 2 days in a row, then was "encouraged" blackmailed with a reward to do them in the toilet. Took less than a week. No accidents at all since then.

Just shows how quickly they get it when they're ready.