"Once you've switched to pants you can't go back"

[Persephone76]

Trying to train my son aged 2 yrs 8.5 months. We tried with pull ups when he was 2.5 and he clearly wasn't ready. Trying again and was advised to go straight to pants. We're on day 3 and have had no progress whatsoever! No wees in potty, numerous accidents and he doesn't seem aware a wee is coming until it's happening. Yesterday I put him on the potty every half hour and he went 3 hours without a wee after a huge cup of water. He finally had a huge accident when I wasn't looking, almost like he'd been holding it in whilst on the potty! He's got a sticker chart and the promise of cake.

I've been told that once they're in pants you can't go back or it confuses them? I feel like such a failure at contemplating giving up for a second time. Feel like I can't really win - if we persevere and he's not ready I worry he'll develop some sort of complex. If we give up for now, surely even more confusing when we try for a 3rd time? Help!

[NeedACleverNN]

You can go back

They will forget pretty quickly. It's clear he isn't ready if he is having more accidents than successes.

[KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes]

Who told you that?

Fuck it. He's not ready. Go back to pull ups but keep doing what you're doing. You'll get there. Do it your way.

The hardest part of parenting is ignoring 'advice'.

[TheGruffaloMother]

Go back. He isn't ready.

DD is potty training and the first time I thought she might have been ready she just didn't quite understand. She's far more reliable now.

[Dolallytats]

My daughter was 3 a couple of weeks ago and we are on week 2 of potty training. We tried a couple of times before but she wasn't ready. I'm not convinced she is ready now as she has no idea when she needs to go, although we have had lots of wees on the potty, we have had just as many accidents. She is starting nursery in September and I feel like we MUST have her potty trained.
To make things even harder, I am going to my brother's to babysit his 15 month old daughter. I am going on Thursday afternoon and he will drop me and my daughter back early on Saturday. We live 90mins away. We are going out with my mum on the saturday, but will have to put DD in nappies for the duration as the toilets are always crowded and she can't actually tell me when she needs to go. Also will have to do this for the car journeys so she is not sitting in wet knickers.

I would like to wait a little while but feel like I have to potty train because of her age.

[MissOnomer]

You can definitely go back. Had two failed 'in pants' trials with DS. On the third attempt (this time with the bribe of chocolate buttons) he had grasped the idea within a couple of hours and we were even confident enough to venture outdoors to the park the same day. He just wasn't ready before and going back into nappies did not faze him in the slightest. The first two attempts were utterly miserable and I wish I'd given up earlier as it made no difference at all in the long run. Good luck with your little one, they will get there!

[SleepFreeZone]

I've gone back. He was going great in the morning then pissed on his bedroom floor and half an hours later pissed like an elephant all over the kitchen floor. He went to sit in the living room on the sofa and I just panicked and up him back in pull ups 😁😁

We will keep trying though and when j think he has got it properly I'll take a risk with the soft furnishings.

[MissOnomer]

Also, DS was 2yr6mo on first failed attempt, 2yr9mo on second failed and I felt really pressurised to get it sorted as lots of other people seemed to have trained their kids.

What I hadn't appreciated at the time is that there is a difference between your child being able to anticipate themselves that they need to go, and parental anticipation/reading cues and putting the child on the loo.

[MissOnomer]

Oops cross post! He'll get there when he is ready. Once he is ready, if he's anything like DS bribery with cake/choc buttons definitely improved motivation. So did an embarrassing demo of using the potty by me . It was like the penny dropped for him about what was actually expected.
Good luck!!

[NeedACleverNN]

Dollally don't be pressured to potty train your Dd for nursery.

She won't be the only one in nappies and they get there in their own time.

Dd is 3.4 and has been going to nursery since she was 2. Up till two weeks ago she was in nappies. We waited until she was ready and it was the summer holidays.

Took off her nappy and stayed home. By day 3 she had cracked it

[pitterpatterrain]

We went back - the (old) nursery was really insistent we shouldn't but it was really causing way too much stress for us and DD

Not potty trained at 2.8 and that is fine. We will try again in the future. She uses pull-ups and is variable about going in the potty/toilet

[Persephone76]

Thanks for all your replies - really reassuring! I've been told this by a childminder. Halfway through day 3 now and still not a single wee on the potty and a number of accidents. I ask him if he needs a wee and he says "No I've not done a wee" as if he thinks he's meant to tell us after he's done one with no concept of what "needing" one is. I sit him on the potty regularly and it's almost like he's actively not weeing on it - although I can see those 2 sentences can't both be true!!

I've also been told by relatives that it isn't fair to send him to childminders whilst he is potty trained - currently on mat leave at the mo. Do people universally take annual leave or try to cram training into a weekend? Certainly adds an extra element of pressure as he's back with CM in a month.

[Persephone76]

*typo - whilst he is potty trainING!

[SleepFreeZone]

It does seem to me from talking to lots of friends and parents/pre school staff that boys are notoriously slow with potty training. My sister has two boys and both potty trained once they hit 4. Went straight to being clean with no accidents. That's what I'm aiming for and luckily I have another 11 months before he starts school and preschool are being hugely supportive and helpful with no pressure.

[MinkyWinky]

A good childminder or nursery will help you with potty training - when you DS is ready. It sounds like he's not. leave it for a while, then try again!

We only started using knickers when my DD demanded to wear them - I wasn't planning to potty train for a while (until she was nearly 3), but she decided she was ready and off we went. It was our second attempt.