3yr 3months still wetting up to 9 times a day

[Squiggles86]

I've posted about this before but I really need some help with my daughter who is now over 3. We started potty training 6 months ago and have had 3 periods of being completely dry. The first was Oct to Dec and she suddenly started wetting again. We put her back in nappies for a couple of weeks until she insisted on being back in pants. We had 6 weeks of dryness and the wetting started up again in March. It's been 6 weeks now since she started wetting again. We put her back in pull ups a couple of weeks ago to give us all a break and she insisted on wearing pants again after 2 days. But she is still wetting. There's no uti present and no amount of incentives make a difference. Sometimes she is wrapped up in what she's doing and it's too late, sometimes she is being bone idle and sometimes (mostly) she is doing it for control (eg after I have said your new big girl shoes are going back to the shop until you can do all your wees on the toilet it gets worse). She is also always worse when tired.

I'm completely stuck, lost and totally fed up of washing sometimes 9 pairs of trousers a day. When the toileting gets bad her behaviour is terrible too. This whole thing is ruining our relationship but I don't know how we're going to get passed this.

How many times should we have to go back to pull ups? Why does she keep going back to wetting? My gut feeling is that this is behavioural because she can and has used the toilet properly before. Is there a possibility that there's something physical? Please help x

[roleypoley]

Hi squiggles my son is the same age and has also had an increase in accidents lately & as with your daughter it is often down to laziness, tiredness or just dependant on his mood. You said no incentive works? I've had to try so many things to motivate him and felt nothing worked but I've just bought a little timer and set it to half hour intervals. Each time the alarm goes off he's been shouting wee time! & running to the toilet. So far dry as were going regularly then will gradually up the time. Worth a try? ...we also got a little frog urinal but not much use for you! Good luck x

[Squiggles86]

How are you getting on roleypoley? I haven't tried the timer yet but I am getting so fed up. She knows when she needs to go but just doesn't. There is no end in sight to this. I'm fed up of hearing stories from friends etc that my child trained in a week with no accidents after that. It's neither helpful or welcome!

Does anyone else have any advice? We called the hv in January but she was no help and suggested using a sticker chart like we hadn't tried that. I think I'm going to have to confiscate all her knickers and make her wear nappies / pull ups because at the moment I feel she's having her cake and eating it. She wants to wear knickers but doesn't care if she wets them.

Arghhhhh please help!

[roleypoley]

We're doing ok, the timer is set to 1 hour now and this seems to be enough to keep DS dry in between. He's not as enthusiastic as he was at the start but has still been co-operating and I've been making a fuss of him saying he's so big & clever having clean dry pants. I'm aware timer is not a long term solution and he needs to learn to tell me when he needs the toilet, but it is just such a relief to be without accidents and all the changing/laundry. Squiggles is your DD likely to go to the toilet regularly if you use a timer or will she refuse? Also have you said she needs to change her own clothes when she wets herself so it's a chore for her? I've heard that can work.

[Squiggles86]

I imagine that she'd completely refuse to go using a timer. She refuses now if I ask her. She gets herself changed - goes upstairs to get her own clothes etc and I don't help her. Nothing phases her. I ignored the toileting issues all day and didn't mention it at all. She sat in wet pants for over an hour each time before admitting she needed changing. God I'm so fed up. I keep reading stories from poor parents who have 5 year olds doing this...there's never an update to say how or if they resolved the problems. I'm just fearing this going on for years

[roleypoley]

It sounds really difficult but try not to lose hope! If If I were you I'd calmly say to DD 'you're a big girl now so you need to keep your pants clean and dry. To help you I'm going to take you to the toilet every hour and you have to come when I ask. If you keep your pants clean and dry all day you can have a treat'. This is basically what I've done with DS. Treat is peppa pig stickers but sounds like with your DD you might need something better! If she's stubborn about it you could take away toy or whatever she's playing with and say 'it's really important we go to the toilet, I don't want you to get wet pants so I'm going to take this away until you go for a wee' ?!

[Squiggles86]

She is incredibly stubborn! We've tried taking things away. In fact the more threats we make the more she digs her heels in and wets on purpose - a couple of weeks ago after a threat of removing her doll she wet 12 times in a morning!!

I will try the timer at the weekend if we have no improvement before then. She's at nursery thurs/fri so at least I'll have a break then. I don't want to keep trying different short term things regularly because I think it's causing confusion and stress...well it is for me anyway. X

[roleypoley]

She does sound quite a lot like my DS actually, he doesn't respond well to threats they make him angry and stubborn. He does respond well to praise though so I always give lots when his pants stay dry. I'm surprised the timer has been working I hope it lasts! Enjoy your break, I do love nursery days!