Dry for a year - still pooing pants every day

[rallytog1]

3yo dd has been dry for a year. No wee accidents at all and completely dry most nights. However in that year she is yet to do one single poo in the toilet or her potty. She just does them in her pants and asks to be changed. She's also bloody clever at disguising the fact she's pooing, so it's generally impossible to get her to the loo mid-poo. There doesn't seem to be any holding it in - she's just happy to poo in her pants.

I've tried everything - praising her like mad when she wees on the toilet, being breezy (rather than cross or disappointed) about the pooey pants, star charts, rewards, bribery, getting her to the loo or potty on the occasions I do see she's doing one, everything. I don't think it's anything to do with her feeling like she doesn't want to 'lose' a bit of herself (which I've heard is common), as she always watches me flush the poo away and says goodbye to it happily. I'm not happy to put her back in nappies or pull ups because she's completely dry and they would just confuse her I think.

I know most kids have a phase like this, but it's been a year now, with no progress whatsoever. I'm at my wits' end. Can anyone offer any pearls of wisdom or is it time for us to get some help?

[gregorsmummy]

Bumping with interest, although I have only been toilet training for 5 weeks. Ds has just turned 3, and never used a potty (too tall) is grand for weeks (in fact goes himself now) but Has NEVER done
A poo in the toilet, would rather withhold until in bedtime pull ups. He is not dry at night so really unsure what to do next

[Lovetobeme]

My Ds is the same. Will follow with interest.

[paxillin]

Is it possible you are too lovely and breezy about the poo in the pants and she doesn't realise it isn't fine and no problem to poo in your pants? She's a bit young to see through the "no problem, darling, next time" and translate this as "mummy really doesn't want the poo in the pants".

[CopperPot]

So you've been breezy but have you bollocked her a bit to see you mean business? Not in an abusive way but in a 'DD this is not on!' After she poos herself. She prob thinks you don't mind!

[CopperPot]

I would sit her down and very calmly but firmly explain that it is not on to poo her pants and you won't tolerate it anymore.

[rallytog1]

I'm sorry for the delayed reply. Thank you for the ideas. Yes, it's probably time to get a bit more grumpy with her - I'm sure it's a control thing rather than her not being able to do it. Will report back!

[Gemz1806]

I'm so glad to read this. My now 4 year old has been doing the same for over a year. I've tried EVERYTHING, we now see a nurse every 4 weeks but all the do is say "keep trying" and give him a stupid sticker chart!!! They aren't worried atall, just supporting me I think really!!

I just don't see any end to it. He does take himself off to the bathroom to do it, but will not sit on the toilet. Some ideas I have tried

1. Printed out posters of what toys he can pick from if he poo's and putting them on the back of the toilet door as a constant reminder.
2. Getting him to sit on the toilet every night after dinner and watch one of his YouTube videos.
3. 4 minutes time out
4. Got him to clean himslef up! (That did not go well)
5. If he has a friend round and they poo, getting him to go in to the toilet too and see it's nothing to worry about!

I hope he will just snap out of it like I have been assured but I just don't see it!!

[Gemz1806]

I'm not sure if anyone is still following this tread, but I can't actually believe that I'm typing this!! After over a year and half, on Saturday my DS decided all my himself to do a poo in the loo!!!!! He has don't it every day since and it feels like we have cracked it!!! He never poo'd in the loo or potty before and only poo'd his pants!!!!! Everyone said he will figure it out in his own time, and I stopped believing that..... ITS TRUE!!!!! Hang in there guys!!! I did find this app and feel it may have been the cure!!!

Poo Goes Home to Pooland by Northumberland, Tyne and Wear NHS Foundation Trust
appsto.re/gb/VHO46.i

[IAmAPaleontologist]

I took my dd to the dr because she kept shitting in her pants and also wetting where previously she had been dry. When she wanted to be anyway. Stubborn as a mule my daughter and never really gave a toss. Dr told her "big girls do their poo on the loo and they don't do it anywhere else" dd liked the rhyme and started pooing on the loo. In all other respects the gp who told us that is dotty and completely missed the fact that the wetting was because dd had overactive bladder. But the poo thing worked.

She will do it eventually. Some kids just don't really care, in that toileting is an annoyance and they don't want to interrupt what they are doing. They do grow out of it eventually.