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Unsure how to manage this

(11 Posts)
SerenityReynolds Tue 17-Nov-15 09:40:16

DD will be 3 at the end of January. She has so far shown no signs of being ready to toilet train - she does not seem to have any concept at all of when she needs to go, and even when we know she has had a poo in her nappy, she will usually deny it when we ask her.

We have a trainer seat for the toilet at home and have been trying to sit her on that at every nappy change/before bath etc. She is usually ok to sit there for 5-10 minutes with us and a book (sometimes she refuses, so we don't force her then). We've had 2 little wees but usually she doesn't do anything and then wees as soon as you put her in the bath, or poos in her nappy 5 minutes later!

She has also become increasingly reluctant for nappy changes, I think usually because she doesn't want to stop what she is doing and this has also become a major battle in the last few weeks. Nursery have suggested a couple of books on potty training, which we have ordered, and I get the feeling they feel she should probably be out of nappies by now (we have parents evening tomorrow so plan to discuss then).

I have considered just changing her into pants so that she gets a better idea of what going to the toilet feels like. However, I am 38 weeks pregnant and frankly cannot really face dealing with multiple accidents/soiled clothes/half hourly toilet trips as it is such a battle with her, and I just think constantly wetting/soiling herself would be distressing for DD and likely make things worse! Plus she would possibly regress anyway after DC2 arrives!

I just wanted some reassurance I guess that suddenly something will click with her and she will "get it", or any other ideas about how we can support her with it.

Sorry, that was really long!

HSMMaCM Tue 17-Nov-15 09:46:49

Read the books. Make anything about using the toilet fun. Let her see you using the toilet. The nursery should also be encouraging it, as peer pressure is a wonderful thing. Incentives bribery sometimes work.

Some children are ready later than others. You can't order a child to be toilet trained. Some can't be bothered and need a reason to do it. Listen to your child and don't make the toilet scary or boring.

MargaretHale Tue 17-Nov-15 10:05:54

DS was the same at that age, we left it, tried again at 3y 2m and he was perfect within a week. (Though I ended up bribing with chocolate buttons for poos).

KittyandTeal Tue 17-Nov-15 10:13:33

I tried dd1 when she was 2.9yo. Nothing, she was absolutely not ready.

Tried again at 3.2yo and it took less than a week. 3 weeks later we are clean and dry with very little fuss.

I'd leave it

LemonBreeland Tue 17-Nov-15 10:17:49

As you are about to have another baby and turn her world upside down, I would suggest you leave it for at least 3 months, otherwise you will likely end up with regression anyway.

SweetAdeline Tue 17-Nov-15 10:24:39

Leave it if she's not ready. I went cold turkey with Dd on nappies before she was ready and had 6months of wee accidents and a year of poos in pants (I could prevent the wees eventually by scheduling regular loo breaks but poos were too random to catch). Finally she was 3.5 before she realised she could tell in advance and make it to the toilet. I wish I'd waited until she showed more signs of readiness.
Use that window when your new baby is a bit more independent (happy to sit on bouncer/play-mat, not feeding constantly, maybe even sleeping a bit if you're lucky grin) but not yet mobile when you can try with relative ease.

toni123579 Tue 17-Nov-15 10:27:35

My Little girl is 3 yrs 11 months and still now sign but we keep trying every two months with her. They will do it in the own time. My little one know when she has pee or poos in her nappy and she dose say about it

SerenityReynolds Tue 17-Nov-15 18:58:19

Thanks so much for the replies. I feel much better after reading them! My head knows that she just isn't ready yet but when you keep getting odd comments from grandparents/nursery, or almost all her peers are toilet trained, you do start doubting yourself! I guess I just needed to hear that at some point she will get it, and that what we are doing to try to make it unthreatening and familiar is enough.

hartmel Tue 17-Nov-15 19:09:30

My son is 2.2 years old and I get comments from my family "why is he not potty trained? He should be dry for a long time already" etc etc And that started when he turned 1 year old. They expected that I potty train him at that age. He couldn't talk yet (only started when he turned two) and did not had any signs that he was ready. Now he is more and more telling us that his nappy is full and when I ask him where he has to pee he shows to the bathroom. But as soon as I put him on he refuses it..
I will also wait for another 2 month. Because we are moving in 2 weeks and I think the new place will be a big change for him..

Go with your feeling. If she is not ready then don't pressure her. some kids are a little bit slower with being potty trained.. Oh and ignore the comments from other parents/family members.. Good luck

imwithspud Tue 17-Nov-15 19:25:54

Personally I would wait until after you've had the baby and you've all had time to settle into a routine of sorts.

What worked well with my dd was giving her a reward. For us it was Smartiesblush but you could use a sticker chart or what ever. She was reluctant to sit on the potty at first, so we did one smartie for sitting on the potty (for more than a couple of seconds) and then two smarties for actually doing something in it. At first she was quite freaked out by it as she was used to the comfort of a nappy, but giving her a reward along with gentle encouragement, not making a big deal of any accidents (although I did get a bit mad when she pee'd all over the sofablush) and acting really really happy if she did manage a wee or a poo in the potty helped a lot. It took less than a week and by that point she realised that it's nicer to use the potty and not have to wear a nappy all the time, as a result we stopped using the smarties as a bribe reward and she was fine. We are now 4months I to being dry through the day and I can't imagine her wearing nappies full time now!

Sometimes you do need to be persistent, I knew my dd was ready but she was unsure about going to the toilet without a nappy. Once they realise it's much easier it's plain sailing.

HSMMaCM Tue 17-Nov-15 19:49:09

When they're a bit older you can go straight for the toilet and forget about the potty. Much easier.

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