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I think ds's nappy is like a security blanket (or is he just stubborn?)

(9 Posts)
ForFlipSakes Tue 28-Jul-15 16:31:18

DS2 is 3years and 8 months.

Last year he had a lot of upheaval in his life. DH moved away for a job, his full time nanny left and he had to go to nursery in September for the first time. At home he had no structure or routine and could pretty much do what he wanted, when he wanted. Going to nursery was a bit of a shock to him.

Unbeknownst to me, the nursery teacher tried to potty train him from day one. I only found out a week later when she told me that the nursery manager told her to stop and give him time to settle in first. Unfortunately the damage was done.

He cried everyday when I dropped him off from September through to March this year. (I know the nursery so didn't think they were doing something specifically wrong; apart from trying to potty train him on day one. DS1 went there and was very happy).

We moved cities, this year in March to join my husband and DS2 is very happy in his new nursery. However, he flat out refuses to potty train. In fact, he doesn't like not having a nappy on at all. If I happen to change him in his bedroom before bath time, he insists on having a nappy on between the bed and bath.

We've tried underpants over his nappy but he goes crazy when he just sees underpants. Wants nothing to do with them. All his friends at nursery goes to the bathroom, but he is happy and confident in his nappy. Not remotely bothered by peer pressure.

He is probably the most stubborn child I've come across (which makes me both proud and despair).

What do we do? Do I put my foot down and say, no more nappies or do we give him more time? Should I take him to the doctor?

sorry this is so long.

teacher54321 Tue 28-Jul-15 22:35:23

Gosh, that sounds hard. I am also in possession of an exceptionally stubborn toddler, and we've had huge problems with getting poos sorted although he is dry. Have you tried heavy duty bribery? DS can take or leave a chocolate button, but will try pretty much anything for a kinder egg... Also the thing he wants most of all is a pet so we've created a sticker chart, and he gets two dinosaur stickers whenever he does a poo in his nappy at bedtime rather than on the floor/has an accident. Also have you tried taking him shopping to choose special pants? Apologies if you've tried all these things!

DelphiniumBlue Tue 28-Jul-15 22:57:41

One of my DSs was still using a nappy when he needed a poo, at about this age, although he was toilet trained - he would ask to put one on when he needed to go.
I got fed up with this, and just told him " this is how many nappies we've got left in the packet, when they've run out we won't be buying any more." I was a little surprised that it worked, but it did.
Summer is a good time to potty train ( well you might not need a potty, at nearly 4 he's big enough to go on the toilet). But you need to show him you mean business - 2 out of my 3 are very stubborn, and any hint of relenting will be taken advantage of!
At this age, once he's decided to go for it, he will probably be trained quite quickly.
As he's old enough to reason with, might be worth taking him out letting him choose a childrens toilet seat ( or even a new adult size one - one of mine was very happy to use a clear toilet seat with pictures of fish on it). Are there some sort of underpants he might like to choose himself - eg the same as daddy's?
I'm assuming there is no medical reason that makes toilet training an issue, obviously if there is then you might take a different stance.
Good luck !

ForFlipSakes Wed 29-Jul-15 05:43:48

Thank you so much for the replies.

He won't even look at potties in the shop never mind underwear. He's not big on toys either. The bugger would rather play outside in the mud with my house broom or cutlery hmm
I think I'm going to try the 'this is the last nappies' trick.

I just wanted to be sure I'm not traumatising him more in swim?
I'm not in England so I think I'll wait for September when the weather warms up again.
Thank you very much.

ForFlipSakes Wed 29-Jul-15 05:44:42

Swim? It was meant to be iyswim.

greyleaf Wed 29-Jul-15 06:01:49

just use reusable nappies they feel wet and uncomfortable your ds will soon want out of them

MinesAPintOfTea Wed 29-Jul-15 06:02:02

DS was similar down to my parents trying to force him to potty train when we lived with them as an emergency measure.

At 3 yrs 3 months I had enough and hid the nappies in the daytime. At first he was desperate to find a nappy, getting them out of the chamging bag etc. We bought a cheap set of toys for his toy kitchen and the first level of reward was a day wearinf pants, irrespective of accidents. It was only once we'd moved past wanting to keep nappies on that we only rewarded actual toilet useage.

If he's not forgetting it then all you can do is offer reassuance, comforters and a reward.

MinesAPintOfTea Wed 29-Jul-15 06:04:17

Oh and once he'd got used to running without nappies DS was dinw about pants. Helps that I took him shopping so he gets to choose between Peppa pig and dinosaur in the morning

MetallicBeige Wed 29-Jul-15 06:29:20

The Promocon website has an excellent free leaflet for children who will only poo in a nappy, it has different methods to try.

Also ERIC is good. Good luck flowers I have a soiler and it can drive you to distraction at times.

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