3 year old getting distressed and wanting nappy back on

[pintsizeprincess]

Hi, really hoping I can find some answers as to where I'm going wrong. DD turned 3 two weeks ago. Since she was around 2.6 we have been trying potty training off and on. She has occasionally done a wee in the toilet , never in the potty. When she has done a wee we have praised her etc and she seems chuffed with herself but then as soon as she does a wee in her pants, on the floor etc she gets all upset and won't put fresh pants on and just cries for her nappy. We have never got her into trouble for any accidents or made it into a big deal but hate seeing her so distressed so have given in and put nappies back on her.

Yesterday I thought I'd try again...started off well , asked her to choose which pants she wanted to wear and she was all excited choosing them. I kept asking her if needed to go. She said yes a couple of times so took her to the loo. She was more interested in making shapes with the loo roll but she sat there for a bit, didn't do anything which was fine. So took her off. She did a wee a minute later on the carpet. Again I didn't make a big deal but took her back to the loo to see if she needed any more which she didn't. So I tried to put her back in fresh pants, queue crying and her shaking her head saying no no . so I said OK we can just go without pants but again she just got upset wanting her nappy on again.

Sorry for the essay but it just feels like everyone else's, children are trained by this age and there must be something we are doing wrong. She seems too old for a nappy but I'm worried she will never be ready. Can anyone please suggest any other things I can try or offer some reassurance that some children just take longer than others!. Sigh

[MsJuniper]

Hi, I am currently going through similar with DS. I read a tip not to ask if they need to go but just to say, "it's time to have a wee now" or "sit on the potty before lunch/going out etc". I am doing this fairly frequently at the moment, about every 45 mins and he usually does have a wee but still gets praise if he doesn't.

DS also cries for his nappy after an accident so I have tried different tactics such as saying ok let's do neither and leaving him bare bottomed for a bit or else some simple bribery. I did persuade him earlier to try the pants again, gave him a choice of two and showed him the spare trousers I had brought. I don't think he liked feeling out of control so by giving him the choice of pants and showing that it wasn't a problem, he felt reassured and had successful potty wees the rest of the morning.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Maybe try taking a favourite toy for a wee - even better if big enough one you can fit pants onto - and act out a little oops didn't make it in time scenario? No biggie, just clear up, never mind; all reassuring and keep one potty upstairs and one downstairs.

I do remember peer pressure helped - not pressure exactly just a little pal on a playdate, "Watch me!" and then your tot who really couldn't be bothered sits up and takes notice.

And of course keep a variety of pants available.

They get it when they're ready. I promise you not every 3yo is perfectly dry by day.

[pintsizeprincess]

Thank you both for your advice. I'm going to try taking her to the loo frequently rather than asking if she needs and see how we get on. I like the idea of taking a fave toy to the loo with us and pretending it's had an "accident" etc. I need to also try to not let it bother me so much that other children learn it earlier and just accept she will pick it up in her own time.