Day 2, tearful, do I give up or not??

[phoenixrose314]

DS is 2.4, showed all signs of being ready to potty train and in the last week has done two wees on the potty after his bathtime.

So yesterday we began in earnest, left him naked from the waist down and let him get on with -t - he did four wees on the potty (all prompted), seven on the floor, but I felt generally positive (albeit exhausted).

Today DH is at home with us and has done most of the childcare whilst I've been shopping, cooking, etc, and DS hasn't done ANY wees on the potty but plenty on the floor, and when DH tried to get DS on the potty mid-stream, DS refused to sit on the potty AT ALL and started screaming "No potty! No!" DS is often disagreeable with DH, they rub each other up the wrong way a lot, both very stubborn, so wondering if things maybe would have gone differently if I'd been the one on wee wee watch? but DH is perfectly competent and has toilet trained his previous children so don't want to assume it's him.

DS is back in a nappy now because he asked for one and is essentially refusing to sit on the potty... what do we do? I feel like crap because I feel like I've given up. But is he not ready after all? He is a very stubborn kid, but I feel like yesterday went quite well (for a first day) and today has very much not gone well at all.

Also very conscious it's the summer holidays (I'm a teacher) and I won't have an opportunity of this much time again, all other holidays are usually taken up with seeing family and working in and out of school.

Help!! What do I do??

[Sleepybunny]

We had a day or two of going backwards instead of forwards. Then the accidents reduced each day, after 5 days, no accidents.

I think your DH needs to be a bit more relaxed. If your DS is peeing on the floor, I wouldn't rush him to the potty or make too much of a flap about it. Just say 'oops! Have you pee peed on he floor? Oh dear, let's do it in the potty next time'
Easier said than done, my DH is similar, so we had to agree on a game plan as we went along. Toddlers are so stubborn, it's so much easier just to positively encourage than get too hung up on what you think he should be doing and forcing the issue too much.

You will not have failed in anyway if you go back to nappies. I think this is just part of the process of testing the waters so to speak. You have to try.

I'd keep going with it if you have time. Pop a nappy on when out and for sleeping. If there is no improvement after a few more days, then just go back to nappies for a while.

It's stressful and frustrating at times, but he will get there! You sound like you're doing a great job already.

[phoenixrose314]

Thanks for the pep talk. Needed that. DH just gave me a gentle reprimand for putting too much pressure on myself (and DS), so I am going to ease up a bit. I feel silly but I read all these parenting blogs that are like "Toilet train your child in just a WEEK, it's SO easy!" and I think I was brainwashed into believing that it would happen like that.

I'll carry on for now, encourage positively and put pull ups on when we're out (wasn't going to do that, but I would actually like to enjoy our summer together!)

How long did it take your LO to get it completely?

[RiverTam]

No actual advice but we had 3 separate goes at potty training DD between the ages of 2 1/2 and 3. One week each time. 3rd time she got it.

[PerspicaciaTick]

You are allowed to carry on with the bits that are working (potty at bath time) while having a break from the whole "pants off pee on the floor" thing if you don't feel it is helpful. Some people find sprint potty training works, others go for a long, gradual transition. The only thing that is a constant are the heroic amounts of patience required.

[JimmyCorkhill]

I did what you're doing. Then I thought 'sod it'. We left the potties out (one downstairs/one upstairs) but stopped any training. No pressure on anyone at all, then one day, months later, decided to put off buying a new pack of nappies and all went well. DD1 was 2 when I first started trying to train her, about 2:4 when I thought I ought to do it properly and 2:9 when we did it casually and successfully.

All friends with older children had said to wait till the child is ready but you can get panicked and swept along with the competitive 1st time parents. Now I am older and wiser I can see that a lot of the children who are potty trained from an early age aren't really trained at all. They either have a VERY long time with success/accidents or they have parents who get them to the loo on time.

I count being potty trained as a child feeling the need for the loo, getting themselves to the potty/loo, pulling their own clothes down and up. I don't count being potty trained as being prompted constantly with 'do you need a wee?', being taken to the loo and being undressed.

It was a rare child at pre school who wasn't pretty okay around 3. Yes, they all had accidents but generally knew what they were meant to do.

[Sleepybunny]

we did exactly like you, naked lower half at home, big praise and reward for anything in the potty. I just put a nappy on her if we were going anywhere. This didnt seem to cause any confusion like I thought it would.

I noticed there were days where she managed everything in the potty, then some days where she'd just pee on the floor and just sit in it, like nothing happened! Also sometimes she'd realise at the last minute and rush to the potty. After about a week of doing that on and off, she would go sit on the potty herself when she needed to go, without any prompting from me

We then put pants in her and encouraged her to shout when she needed to potty and I'd help her. She had quite a few accidents for about 2-3 days, but improved each day generally. We then decided to try going completely without nappies, all day. At which point we started asking or taking her to the toilet every 30min-1hour. I got to know when she needed to pee, so it was easier. So after those 2-3 days we had a dry day (whoopee!) and so far has been dry ever since. I still take her to the toilet, if it's been a couple hours since her last visit. She would normally say if she needs the toilet, but maybe not if we were doing something exciting or she is tired.

She wears a pull-up for night time and she pees in it a some point during the night. So haven't tackled that one. I think I'll wait a bit before doing that, to see if she naturally wakes and wants to go to the toilet.

[Sleepybunny]

Oh yes, I agree with Jimmy. Don't get caught up in the amazing tales of potty trained children at an early stage. Turns out some people's standard of potty trained varies some what!

[phoenixrose314]

I would like to take it casually but DS will be back at nursery 4 days a week in September when I go back to work, and I don't want to confuse him by having to go back into nappies, or upset him because he keeps having accidents... Poor sausage.

Loading on the positive praise really works for him, though, he was SO proud of himself the first time he did it, bless him.

[Sleepybunny]

September's ages away, I bet he'll be an expert by then!

Also love the look of sheer joy on dds face when she gets it right, best part about the whole messy process.

[juneau]

Having had two boys myself I'd say that 2.4 is quite young for a boy to potty train. Of course, he may be ready, each child is different, and four wees on the pot on day one is good going! However, you may need to be the one to 'crack' this, rather than DH if you're DS's main caregiver and the one he responds to best. Day two is a bit early to give up, but if he's had a crisis of confidence I'd put him back in his nappy and try again in a few days - perhaps on a quiet day when its just you and him. Just because he's in a nappy you don't have to give up though - you can still ask him every 20 mins or so if he'd like to sit on the potty and do a wee. If you feel that things are getting fraught though, take a break. Its better to do a bit every day (an hour or two, say), than have it be full on and then become stressful.

[Novia]

We started training our DD just over a week ago. She's 2 and 4 months. First day was a total disaster as she just didn't have the feel of when she needed to go, but by the second day she had begun to get it. It's got progressively better (with the occasional accident when distracted or involved in a game) and we've had about 4 out of 8 with no wee accidents. We found that she doesn't like to be fussed, so instead of saying "do you need a wee?" - "tell mummy when you need a wee" seems to work better. Making a fuss of her big girl pants has been well-received and letting her pick which one she wears goes down well. I think if you resist putting nappies back on it does help, I don't think DD would let us now though. But I do put a disposable changing mat under her on the car seat and pram, just in case!

Lots of claps and praise when she has a wee (plus the occasional chocolate button!) Also - giving her the option of having a wee while you have one works quite well so they get an example!

All that said - poo is an issue as she's always had slight issues with withholding, so we've a way to go yet on cracking that successfully!

[minitoot]

Ugh. I have only (just) trained the one, but really sympathise - it felt like a long, difficult process for us too. My son was older, we waited till he'd just turned 3 and I think that made it a bit easier. I'd try for a week, maybe? then see how things are. Good luck!