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Time to get tough?

(17 Posts)
eversomuch Tue 11-Nov-14 19:59:30

DD is 3.8 & still absolutely refuses to go on the potty or wear underpants or even go without a nappy. She made some small steps a year or so ago but then freaked out about accidents. She melts down & gets terrified now. We've taken the no pressure approach but she'll be starting school next year.... Her preschool staff think we should bite the bullet & just force her to start & they will support us in helping her.

eversomuch Tue 11-Nov-14 20:03:25

Oops, phone sent that prematurely.

Anyway, is it ever a good idea to push a child into potty training? DD is a clever, articulate girl. She understands the whole concept but there's definitely a psychological hurdle.

Can anyone offer some advice, please?

eversomuch Tue 18-Nov-14 23:08:01


eversomuch Fri 21-Nov-14 22:26:04

Ok, this is now officially the most unloved thread I've ever attempted to start. smile smile

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes Fri 21-Nov-14 22:32:41

How will you force, make her sit on the potty and not let her off til she does a wee?

Laquila Fri 21-Nov-14 22:33:55

Oh bless you - I'm afraid I don't have any advice (and my boy is only 14mths so not started potty training yet) but I really do sympathise. What do you mean by "small steps"? Does she understand that her friends don't wear nappies?

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes Fri 21-Nov-14 22:36:26

Will she sit on the potty with a nappy on?

WineWineWine Fri 21-Nov-14 22:49:14

Force? No chance! You cannot force a child to potty train!
No pressure, just gentle encouragement.

eversomuch Fri 21-Nov-14 22:50:11

She was sitting on the potty & doing the occasional wee for awhile, but then got very upset about having accidents. now, for the past year, the most we can get her to do is wear underpants over her nappy once in a while.

she knows other kids are going on the toilet but doesn't seem bothered about joining the club.

I'm tempted to just take her nappy off one day and tell her it's time to go on the potty, but worry about being too harsh.

sometimes she says she'll do it when she's four ... Seems crazy to put it off for several more months though, when I think she really is capable of doing it, she's just scared or something. sad

LikeASoulWithoutAMind Fri 21-Nov-14 22:55:00

Have a look at the ERIC website for advice. They really are excellent.

Dc3 was about 3.8 or so before we cracked it - hang on in there, you will get there. I did just decide to go for it in the end but he wasn't upset about it. I think if she's upset you have to tread very carefully or you run the real risk of just making it too big a deal and even more stressful.

Remember to her that fear is very real, however silly it might seem to you.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind Fri 21-Nov-14 22:55:59

Also ime they can go from not ready at all to ready to go really very quickly. Sometimes a couple of weeks literally makes all the difference.

ZenNudist Fri 21-Nov-14 23:01:50

How about using pull ups and at least getting her to sit on the loo? That way if she has an accident it won't be horrid for her.

It's a frustrating time when they refuse. Sympathy. I'm surprised nursery haven't been able to encourage her to do what her year group do. How do they propose to get tough?

sarahbanshee Sat 22-Nov-14 08:15:22

Sympathy everloved - we are in a similar position although DD is younger, she's 3 in a fortnight. She can go with no nappy and hold her wee in for hours but she can't let go on the loo and will ask for a nappy to go in - so for now we are going with that and seeing what happens. My son was relatively straightforward, we just had to get him to recognise when he needed to go - so this psychological barrier is hard as it's clearly not a physical thing we have to teach.

sarahbanshee Sat 22-Nov-14 08:16:02

Eversomuch, not everloved , sorrysmile

Locketjuice Sat 22-Nov-14 08:20:33

I would take her nappy off and don't put one on again, waterproof bed cover and just hope that she hates accidents that much that she will use the toilet, my son choose him self at 1yr 11months that's enough was enough and he wasn't wearing nappies anymore, I realise I was so lucky!

KittyOSullivanKrauss Sat 22-Nov-14 08:38:31

DS was also tricky, would wear pants, ok with poo thank god but never indicated that he needed a wee and unless fully promoted would just have an accident. He wasn't remotely bothered and one day when I was heavily pregnant and stressed with it he told me that he'd do it when the baby came (when he was 3.5). I didn't believe him but he was true to his word! We also took the pressure off and told him it was job to keep his pants dry. Maybe go with her schedule of doing it when she's 4?

Don't worry about school. DS is an August baby and the year before he started I expected it to be an issue but it wasn't at all. Once he decided he was fine and there is a lot of time until next September.

batmanandrobin Sat 22-Nov-14 09:10:44

i would advise a book called about potty training- it's part of the little princess collection (my dd has drifted off on me after a horrific night with hand foot and mouth so i daren't move to see the book title- I'll write again later)..

i read the book as part of a bedtime story for 3-4 nights (literally just read- no discussion about you should try it etc). then day 5 i read again in the morning and promptly after lead her down for a nappy change. whilst taking off i was just chatting like normal to dd and then put nap in a sack and sat back. she gave me the "what's going on look" and i just smiled. i stayed silent. let her think.

she rolled over and kinda touched her bits like "wtf" and then went into initiated play. i didn't move or speak for 2-3 mins and then once i knew she was occupied i subtly went and got potty and put it in the room. then started playing with her.

it felt like a lifetime, but eventually she wet herself. and i allowed her. and as she looked at me in a look of complete despair, i calmly said "oopsy, pottys here" and said her on. (if you're having difficulty with potty i just popped her on anyway, if she got up straight away no pressure). i allowed dd to play naked that morning and we had same routine a few times (i didn't mind the wee on carpet and scrubbed like mad once she had gone off!!).

i understand my dd was very good at potty training, we'd cracked it within less than a week, and you may not be having the best time. i am a pre school teacher though and the best piece of advice i can give is you must be persistent, calm and forgiving for accidents (espec with first month).

try to make it less of a big deal, and a few stay at home days so you're not worried about being out with accidents really helped.

yes, every child should go at their own pace and as a mother i see why you're irritated by the forceful language used by your pre school staff, however as dc is much older, as long as there are no additional needs, they'll prob have a good enough understanding to grasp concept quickly if you introduce it.

god luck to you!! get some vanish stain remover and air freshner smile

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