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My child will not poo on the toilet, at all. What will happen at school?

(28 Posts)
passmethewineplease Sun 08-Jun-14 22:58:32

I'm really struggling with this.

My four year old dd will not poo on the toilet, she will withhold until she has a pull up on at night.

I've tried everything.

I'm exhausted.

She starts school in September, I'm so worried she is going to po herself and be embarrassed. Will she even be able to start if she can't poo? She can wee fine.

Why can't we crack this. sad

Littlefish Sun 08-Jun-14 23:08:46

Have a look at the ERIC website. There's an excellent information sheet about moving a child on from pooing in a pull-up to pooing on the toilet.

It has about 15 stages to go through.

Yes, she will be able to start school if she still needs to poo in a pull-up, but I wouldn't start to panic yet. You've still got 3 months to get it cracked.

Dysfunctional Sun 08-Jun-14 23:19:05

If she withholds until the evening anyway then you won't have an issue as she won't go at school. My DD who is 6 rarely goes at school and waits until she gets home (not uncommon). I still wipe for her so we haven't entirely got things cracked anyway.

My DD was about 3 when she stopped pooing in a nappy. She would ask for a nappy to be put on and poo in it and health visitor said it was a control issue and not uncommon. What cracked it in the end was her grandma asking her to try the loo as she was in the middle of cooking and couldn't deal with the palaver of finding a nappy. She probably wouldn't have tried if I had asked her. Could you get someone else to try to persuade her?

Gingerbics Mon 09-Jun-14 06:12:42

We're having the same issue with Ds 3 nearly 4 who starts school sept. We'd got to the stage where he'd sit in the toilet with pull up on and poo but then the nappy fairy came .... He still wears pull ups at night but we thought we'd better try during the day without. It's only been about 10 days so far but so far he has held onto each poo until he literally can't hold it any more then ends up doing in his pants. We've tried stickers, rewards, chocolate but he's not shifting. He spent most of a day at nursery lady week crying and trying to hold on bless him. When the poo finally comes it's soft but it's huge as usually 3-4 days worth. Thinking of getting something like movicol prescribed to stimulate him to poo a bit more often but clutching at straws really! OP you're not alone.

mintyneb Mon 09-Jun-14 06:55:19

My dad (now 7) didn't poo in the loo until a couple of weeks before she turned 5, so nearly 2 full terms into reception.

She had a wonderful teacher and TA who would just take her to the loo, pop a nappy on and change her afterwards. It was all very discrete and they used one of the nursery toilets rather than the usual ones. If any other child was aware of the situation I don't know as dd never came home upset by it all.

Different schools take different approaches though so I can't guarantee you will get the same treatment :-(.

If you really think you will still have a problem in sept, I would try to make contact with her teacher this term - or during your home visit if you have one- so at least they are prepared.

Then make sure you pack a bag for school with nappies, wipes, clean knickers etc.

Good luck

mintyneb Mon 09-Jun-14 06:56:22

Sorry not dad - dd! !!! Typing on a new phone and haven't got my head around its particular style of auto correct!

SoftSheen Wed 11-Jun-14 21:17:30

I had this problem for months with my DD (who was a little younger at 3 yo). Unfortunately the advice on the ERIC website didnt work for us. We eventually cracked it, quite recently, by using heavy bribery (having failed with choc buttons, stickers etc).

I took DD into the toy department in John Lewis and asked her what her favourite toy was. She picked out a doll. I told her that when she had done a poo on the grown up toilet we were going to come back to the shop and buy her the doll. Every time I could see she wanted to do a poo I quietly reminded her about the doll, and about 5 days later, she finally pooed on the toilet and we immediately went and bought it, with great excitement.

For the next 4-5 poos we used smaller bribes such as a kinder egg, a magazine etc until she had got confident. Now she is very proud of her new skill.

whotheduckisalice Wed 18-Jun-14 20:31:52

OP you are not alone. My DD is exactly the same. Nightmare! I really have no idea what to do and it seems to be getting worse not better atm.

Waggamamma Wed 18-Jun-14 20:37:28

I never once did a poo at school, primary or secondary, never! So I wouldn't worry too much, won't sge just wait until she gets home?

I still don't like to go anywhere other than at home (although I will if I need to).

Saying that there are some good suggestions on here you might want to try.

theladybirdheard Sun 22-Jun-14 21:38:58

I was so glad to find this thread. I am at the end of my tether. DD is 3.5 and has been dry for about 7 months, but the poo stuff is beginning to feel uncrackable. I think she had constipation for a fair while - but when I went to see the doc it was always don't medicalise it, it'll all sort itself out etc etc and I went away feeling stupid. Anyway it didn't. So I went to another doc who prescribed Movicol, and since then I've had 2 months of perpetually soiled knickers; I'm looking at two accidents at least a day; she hangs on and will happily sit in it rather than go to the loo. Her childminder and the nursery seem baffled. I've tried the chocolate buttons bribe…no good. She's done tiny stuff, but either manages to hold on til night and pull-ups or, more regularly, has a succession of pretty badly soiled knickers (I've had to throw a few pairs away they were so bad). She starts nursery but at a proper school in September. I'm in despair…

IwishIwasmoreorganised Sun 22-Jun-14 21:44:25

If she holds on until the evening it's unlikely to be a problem. Definitely worth talking to school about though.

Ds1 will poo anywhere and everywhere without a seconds thought, but ds2 will not entertain the idea of pooing at school! He's strictly a morning and evening at home boy!

We found the ERIC website very useful to help ds1 get dry at night, it's well worth a look.

pancakesfortea Sun 22-Jun-14 21:46:17

We were in this exact position - DS2 witheld until evening pull up, or sometimes disappeared to a quiet corner of the house and did it in his pants.

When he started school he had never once done a poo in the toilet. But things just carried on as before - he saved them for the evening.

Something clicked in October half term of reception and he was suddenly sorted. Only two years later than his older brother (who was a text book two year old potty trainer.)

I did warn school, and had spare clothes lined up but they weren't needed.

MollyBdenum Sun 22-Jun-14 21:54:46

DS starts reception in September but he does a full day at nursery at the moment and it isn't a problem. He only poos at home. Even the properly toilet trained kids tend to avoid pooing at school if they can.

We're working through a version of the advice on the ERIC website and DS will now poo on the toilet with a nappy with all the absorbent stuff cut out so that it is just straps around his waist and legs.

theladybirdheard Sun 22-Jun-14 22:07:13

If she was just doing in the evening it would be fine (well not fine but you know what I mean…), but now she's no longer constipated, she's soiling her knickers several times a day. Older sister textbook 2 year old so am at a loss. I don't know what to do

AnotherStitchInTime Sun 22-Jun-14 22:17:06

My dd has just turned 5 and has never pooed in school despite being fine with using the toilet, she just holds it until she is home.

whotheduckisalice Mon 23-Jun-14 20:15:15

Theladybird we have soiling issues too. Exactly the same. You aren't alone! I don't know what to do but am hoping it will just sort itself out like it did for pancakes.

whotheduckisalice Mon 23-Jun-14 20:22:32

I would say though that a school nursery shouldn't be any different to a preschool in surely expecting this sort of thing. Mine has never commented on my daughter's soiling though she has never been to the loo there for them to discover it that I am aware of! Just holds on and I get the delight of her not wanting to wee in case she does a poo/soiled pants from holding on saga when we get home...

girliefriend Mon 23-Jun-14 20:31:33

My dd did this until she was about 3.6yrs and the dr prescribed movocol, she literally couldn't then hold on and I stood firm on not putting a nappy on her. I put loads of toilet paper in the toilet bowl so there wasn't much of a drop iyswim and she did then go on the toilet.

She however would have been mortified to poo in her knickers where as for some kids that wouldn't bother them.

Might be worth speaking to G.P though or trying it.

passmethewineplease Fri 29-Aug-14 16:58:11

Quick update - No change. Will still not let go on the toilet.

Dropdeadfred2 Fri 29-Aug-14 22:34:59

can she explain why? what happens if you don't provide a Pullup?

passmethewineplease Fri 29-Aug-14 22:47:13

drop - she says she doesn't like the Boise? I assume she means the plop sound so we put toilet roll at the bottom to try and combat that.

If we don't put a pull up on she will with old till she becomes impacted and then it's off to the doctor to represcribe movicol. It's a viscous circle.

Littlefish Fri 29-Aug-14 22:54:14

Earlier on in the thread I suggested that you look at the ERIC website as they have an excellent help sheet for exactly this problem. Have you had a look at it yet?

passmethewineplease Fri 29-Aug-14 23:27:01

Yeah had a look at ERIC, my DD says all the right things but when it comes to actually going it just overpowers her I think.

We've tried/trying everything. GP just says she will grow out of it as I did when I was a child but that doesn't really help when she's at school tbh.

Piratejones Tue 30-Sep-14 15:44:40

she will hold it until she is home, Trust me, i have been through this situation.

BertieBotts Tue 30-Sep-14 16:37:22

DS was exactly the same. He's almost six and now poos on the toilet, but won't poo unless he's at home. When we moved house, he held it in for a whole week because he was frightened of the new toilet, but then he did it when he really had to (this was about a year ago). He still uses a toilet seat insert even though he's really too big for it. I'm just going to let him grow out of that one although DH is keen to get him off it.

He's not had an issue at school because he just doesn't poo at school. There have been two poo accidents - once when he was at nursery all morning and then the childminder in the afternoon and he said he needed one on the way home but we just didn't make it in time. And the other time was when we first visited this house (We moved abroad so came to visit first) and I was so stupid I can't believe, I forgot his toilet seat adapter. So he went through the whole pressure on the plane thing and then went to bed, farting like mad but we couldn't persuade him, said we'd go out and buy a toilet seat the next day but he had an accident in the night which was fairly traumatic for him, and DH, because DH is stepdad and it was his first experience of dealing with poo grin Everywhere, all up the side of the toilet as I tried to hold him over it and he screamed about it. It was totally horrific.

Anyway, in some ways it was a bit of a turning point because I think DS then realised that it wasn't practical or possible to hold it in all of the time. We never brought it up in a horrible way but we do occasionally refer to it if we think he is attempting to put off pooing for too long.

I have no idea how he finally went on the toilet. I think he just decided to do it one day. We had various huge treats lined up for him and one day he just decided to do it.

When does she turn 5? I think I would say that they don't make pull ups big enough for 5 year olds (or 4 and a half?) and see what she does when faced with no option (but she knows you're not just making the decision, which might be when she is holding it.)

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