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3 year old son not interested & will not potty train

(20 Posts)
Carly3869 Tue 15-Oct-13 15:19:21

Any advice welcomed, here goes! My son has just turned 3. I tried potty training him at 2.5 & 2.9 but showed no interest so just popped him back in pull ups. So 3 days ago, I thought I'd try again. Bought him a nice musical potty, pants etc and thought I'd give it a week. 3 days in and there's no improvement whatsoever. He just wees all over the carpet approx every hour, I've tried regularly sitting on the potty but won't sit there for longer than a couple of mins. Tried rewarding him with chocolate buttons, ask him every 20 mins or so. In regard to poos, again whenever and wherever! It's almost like he holds them in and then they just have to come out. Sorry! He won't tell me he needs a wee or poo! Will quite happily sit in a wet or dirty nappy, tried that! I feel like I've tried everything but feel he's so immature. He'd never stop playing to go! Not sure what to do but I'm sick to death of grandparents, friends etc saying is he not potty trained yet like I've not tried! I just want to know if he's normal, anyone else in same boat! Shall I give up and give it another 3 months? I don't mind him in nappies at all and I'm so patient with him but I just see 2 year olds all fully trained and saying 'need weewees mum' etc and he's just not capable yet! Sorry I'm rambling! Please help me x

dilys4trevor Tue 15-Oct-13 15:23:54

In the same boat. DS2 turns 3 in about 2.5 weeks. Tried second attempt at potty training last weekend. Weed all over the floor. All day and the next day. Told me afterwards - v casual - but will not use potty or toilet. Not sure what to do!

I'm going to leave it but I feel like a bad mum! DS1 was dry at night by 2.9.

Thumbwitch Tue 15-Oct-13 15:27:31

The only useful thing I have to say is that DS1 didn't toilet train until he was 3.10. He had been doing poos in the toilet prior to that, but had no indication of when he was about to wee, no feeling, no nothing - so I left it and left it until he just did it over a week. And we've had no real issues at all - very few accidents, just when he's got over-involved playing and left it too late, stood up and run to the loo but not made it. However I did and still do make a point of asking him at fairly frequent intervals if he needed to go to the loo, or in fact just taking him because he would often say no, even if he could do a wee, he just wasn't desperate.

He's only ever wet the bed when he's not been made to go to the loo directly before going to bed (our mistake) and that's only happened twice.

Ignore other people, or if they keep banging on about it, let them do it! My DH had a "thing" about DS1 being trained at 2 - I said he was welcome to take over the potty training if he was so keen, including all the clearing up - oddly enough, he let me get on with it after that. thlgrin

Carly3869 Tue 15-Oct-13 16:05:09

Thanks for those quick replies, nice to know I'm not alone! My son is just sat here with the potty on his head, I think its time for another 3 month break!! I know I should ignore everyone but it's really got into my head, my nephew is 4 months younger and has been trained for six months ( I know I shouldn't compare but it's soooo hard not to ) It does just make you feel like a lazy failure of a mum but I guess he'll get there when he feels like it!

Thumbwitch Wed 16-Oct-13 07:18:28

If it's any consolation, I understand that if you force the training too early, they're far more likely to bedwet for longer. Waiting until he is ready will save you both a lot of heartache (and washing!)

AndThatsWhatIThinkOfYou Wed 16-Oct-13 08:08:17

I'm in the same boat rd turns 3 in 2 weeks and refuses use the potty.

AndThatsWhatIThinkOfYou Wed 16-Oct-13 08:08:17

I'm in the same boat rd turns 3 in 2 weeks and refuses use the potty.

RawCoconutMacaroon Wed 16-Oct-13 08:27:13

Ds4 is about to turn 3, is showing signs of readiness, his nappy is often completely dry in the morning after a full nights sleep, and he will sometimes wee on the toilet if he's put on it as soon as he wakes. Usually he waits until I put a clean nappy/pull up on!

He will also tell me to "check the nappy" when he has pood, so has some awareness.
We have a musical potty, a normal one and an adaptor seat for the toilet, But he's really not interested and I don't want to push it yet.

DS1-3 had widely varying TT times, 3 years and 10months for the eldest, 2.5 years for Ds2, and around 3birthday for DS3.

No need to worry yet! He will do it when he's ready and yes, I think fewer accidents at night if they are TT a little later.

Carly3869 Sat 19-Oct-13 15:38:46

Things have just been made a whole lot worse! Visited MIL at lunchtime and she also had her other grandchildren round as it's her birthday. All going well until nephew who is 4 months younger said to his mum 'wee' - As she was walking out with him, MIL said 'why don't you take Oscar with you, lazy boy' I flipped as already a very sore subject!! I obviously said 'He's not lazy, he's not quite ready blah blah' - Infront of everyone she then said 'Maybe your the lazy one then, you're at home with him all day every day, my lot were dry by 18 months' - Please help me, I've no one to talk to about this, if he could be dry, he would be, I've tried! I'm so upset and angry. My husband fully supports why I'm cross ( and stormed out ) anyone had a similar problem?

RawCoconutMacaroon Sat 19-Oct-13 15:41:48

"Dry by 18months" I doubt it! Maybe they were walking at 6 months too? wink

purplepippin Sat 19-Oct-13 15:45:24

My ds is 3 and 8 months and I still can't get him dry. All of his friends have been for over a year and he just won't do it. I have had him in pants for 3 weeks and whilst he has done a few wee's at pre school on the toilet or has held it until he got home, we have had no success at home and he just wets himself or poos himself and he really doesn't care. We have tried everything and just don't know what to do, he is ds4 and we had no
problems with the other boys. It is so frustrating especially when others tell you where you are going wrong.

bearsmum123 Sun 20-Oct-13 14:22:35

Carly your MIL is horrible I hope she had a shit birthday.
Sooner isn't better the people who treat their kids childhoods like a big race to prove their excellent parenting skills are just sad.

Thumbwitch Sun 20-Oct-13 15:33:23

MIL's memory is clearly slipping - suggest she gets herself to a memory specialist for Alzheimer's checks next time she makes any such statement.

How fecking rude to call you lazy! angry

Just ignore the woman, she obviously has issues with you and should not at any stage be allowed to get away with calling your DS lazy (do you realise that you have named him in your post? If you'd rather get that changed, report your own post to MNHQ and they can change it in the post for you). She has outmoded ideas on how to raise children and should leave it to their actual mother (i.e. you) to raise YOUR child as YOU think appropriate for HIM.

ImABadGirl Fri 25-Oct-13 08:39:59

I could have written this exact post a month ago OP, DS is 3.6 anf was still not potty trained, I tried and failed lots of times. Then suddenly he did it on his own and hasn't looked back, very few accidents too.

Your DC is not ready and it's rubbish that you're having pressure put on you.

DwellsUndertheFucker Fri 25-Oct-13 08:45:06

DFC is nearly 3 and showing no signs at all of being near ready.

Monkeyandanimal Fri 25-Oct-13 08:48:48

DS is 3.8 and goes out and about wearing pants and has lots of accidents, but i have all but given up at home, as he tends to poo in his home environment, and i'm sick of throwing away up to 3 pairs of shitty pants per day. And washing poo-trousers. I just hope that one day he 'gets it'. He has no interest at all.

Pancakeflipper Fri 25-Oct-13 08:53:44

My DS2 was over 4 yrs old when he decided to one day wear pants. And now 8 months later can even wipe his bum.

I had tried a few times and it just ended up in frustration his and mine.

So he will get there. Some take longer than others to do certain things. I did have visions of him in his Huggies and his school uniform.

CrumblyMumbly Fri 25-Oct-13 09:05:55

They're all so little and this is a tiny part of your/their lives which go so fast. If they're not ready then leave for another time. Nobody knows your child better than you do... Everyone else has always done things better and quicker (!) - get used to this because it will be a recurring theme - smile through gritted teeth. Not many people go to a job interview in nappies - it will happen when it does - enjoy your little one.

noblegiraffe Fri 25-Oct-13 09:30:18

How often are you putting him on the potty? At this stage there is no point in asking him if he needs a wee as he will have no idea. Start with trying to catch wees.
Plan not to go out for a few days. Put him on the potty every half hour - doesn't matter if he only sits there for a couple of minutes. If he is weeing on the floor every hour, it shouldn't be long before you catch a wee.
Go overboard on the praise.
If he wees on the floor "oh dear, where should wees go? That's right, in the potty"
If you catch a poo, phone his favourite relatives to tell them and get them to say what a big boy he is etc.
After a couple of days, stretch the time out to an hour.

IME you won't be able to reliably ask if they need a wee for ages. You ask, they say no, you put them on the potty anyway. They only know they want a wee when they're just about to do it.

matana Sat 26-Oct-13 08:49:08

What noble said. Ds is 3 next month and I began potty training yesterday. He wees about every hour so I missed the first 2 and then saw him fiddling with his willy and suggested he might like to try sitting on the potty. It took bribery to get him to sit on it the first time, then he did 4 wees on it and even managed a poo. Lots of accidents too though. He has little awareness of when he's going to do it, but there are some visible signs I'm beginning to see.

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