What do I do when DCs dad puts nappies on for the whole weekend?!

[GrapevineMerlot]

My son is 23 months and we've been potty training for about 3 weeks. He's been doing brilliantly, nearly complete success at home, holding wees on short trips out and just generally taking to it like a duck to water.

The only problem is his Dad (nrp) put him in nappies for the whole of last weekend while my son was staying with him. Since then, he's been having more accidents than successes and hardly tells me when he needs to go. I'm getting really frustrated because it was going so well, and it feels like its been ruined. I don't know what to do.

Has anyone been in a similar situation, or does anyone have any tips on making this easier? I don't trust a word his dad says, and can't trust him to potty train despite me telling him how important it is until I'm blue in the face.

[fusspot66]

I think the standard advice is to back off and try again in a few weeks. Your DS will be confused by the mixed messages if you persist and it sounds like his nrp dad will
lock horns with you over this. 23 months is quite young for potty training. Sounds like he was doing well too. As long as DS doesn't now find nappies distressing, have a break and try to convince the ex when he's 2?

[GrapevineMerlot]

The problem is my ex will never, ever potty train him. I can guarantee that. I could back off until he's 5 and my ex would still refuse to do anything that wasn't the easiest possible option for him.

[fusspot66]

Ah. Then you have a problem. Bumping for wiser posters. But could your HV advise. Your poor little DS can't insist on using the loo yet in the face of a stupid adult. And eventually he'll be distressed by having to use nappies. Is this psychological harm? And is it serious enough reason to refuse contact to the NRP? Overall I do think you're quite early with the potty training though.

[ScariestFairyByFar]

How often does he go to his dads?

[GrapevineMerlot]

He goes every other weekend, so just enough time for me to make progress, and then it's back to square one.

I know it's early, but he communicates really well with me and understands it perfectly. The only reason we've started is because he took himself off to use the potty. I was in no rush.

To be honest, I do want to tell his dad that he cannot have him at his house if he can't parent him properly. It seems so unfair on my son that his dad won't put any effort in to meeting his needs. This is just another thing to add to the list of shoddy parenting and I'm finding it difficult.

[TheOrchardKeeper]

Have no advice but know it'll be like this when I train DS. His dad will almost certainly lie about it too so I'm just going to say that for the sake of getting him trained that he needs to have a month of no overnights (and will play it as a security issue to avoid a massive argument).

But I also know that his dad won't be fussed about a month of no overnights, so it's easier in that respect.

[Phineyj]

I think Orchard's approach is sensible - you can tell your ex it's in his interests as no nappies then needed on future visits.

[ZolaBuddleia]

I think you might need to wait until your son is quicker to train, and then you can present it as a done deal to your ex. DD only took 3 days to be completely reliable in and out of the house, but we waited until she was 2.6.

[GrapevineMerlot]

Thank you. I do think that it's for the best, I just suppose it's drilled into us as lone parents that you Must Facilitate the relationship which it makes it difficult to know when to say no.