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Terrible day 1 potty training a 3 yr old!!!

(34 Posts)
DumDum32 Thu 22-Aug-13 16:06:54

Little one starts back at nursery next week who pretty much said she had to potty trained before re-starting sad

So i decided to start her off today. I wanted to give her a week but shs has been poorly with temp fod last few days.

she has been sitting on the potty for half an hour & cried the whole time. So i just took her off & of course she has decided to piss all over the carpet!!!!

im feeling so stresssed out :'(

Everyone around me keeps commenting that she should be potty trained.

Im keeping her in pants & will sit her on the potty every 15 mins.

Oh my god just while typing she has decided to pooh! Arghhhhhhhh angry

Inclusionist Thu 22-Aug-13 16:12:31

I just left my DS naked from the waist down for the first few days to save on washing.

He only went to the potty when he needed to go- I didn;t require him to sit there 'just in case'. I think that would have upset him too.

However, the first day was horrendous. I think I caried the second he fell asleep!

Have you got bribery a star chart already in place??

DumDum32 Thu 22-Aug-13 16:21:59

no chart she has no interest in that kind of stuff sad i just feel lost.

she doesnt really speak (i mean in sentences like a normal 3 yr old she has slow speech development). she just says a few words.

Im not even sure she understands what im trying to do???

I think tomorrow im going to try the naked from waist down maybe that might work - thankyou.

valiumredhead Thu 22-Aug-13 16:25:58

Just put her in the loo on waking, and after meals. Go before you go out anywhere and find the loo when you are there.

Utterly ridiculous that the nursery have put this pressure on you-she might well not be dry for quite some time yet. All you can do is put her on the loo and clear up any accidents with minimum fuss, the rest is up to her when she is ready. I'd invest in some big girl knickers for then you are at home and pull ups for when you are out just in case.

gintastic Thu 22-Aug-13 16:27:09

Why did nursery say she had to be potty trained? I thought you weren't allowed to do this anymore as it can be classed as discrimination. Even schools have to accept children who aren't toilet trained.

I help run a preschool and because we receive government funding (the 15 hours for 3yos), we have to comply with all the discrimination laws.

I think if it is totally private they are allowed to dictate though...

valiumredhead Thu 22-Aug-13 16:29:12

Don't sit get on every 15 mins, all that will happen is that you will catch a wee, the aim is for her to know when she needs to go.

Try not to stress, it will happen eventually but it took my ds a good 6 months to get to the stage where he took himself off to the loo.

valiumredhead Thu 22-Aug-13 16:30:45

Her not get

DumDum32 Thu 22-Aug-13 18:12:09

Thank you all for the suggestions. We get 15 hour funding for her so i will have to look into that. I will try my best with her until sunday night. If we get even to just the point where she only has a few accidents a day i'll be happy. The nursery will just have to make adjustments!

Oh yes i tried the every 15 min thing for last couple of hours & that sure didn't work. i put a pull up on her for now. She looks exhauted & i feel bad sad

We will try again tomorrow.

supermandoesnotwearacoat Thu 22-Aug-13 20:52:43

We are now on week 4 of potty/toilet training. For the first 2 1/2 wks nearly every wee was on the floor, he knew when he needed to go but just refused to use the potty or the toilet. Then it just suddenly clicked and he did 5 wees on the toilet on one day, I think he suddenly associated the wet trousers and having to get changed all the time. However it was another week before every wee was on the toilet. It is all very depressing and tiring but definitely agree with a minimum of fuss. He is still refusing to use the toilet at nursery. Good luck!!

Heifer Thu 22-Aug-13 20:57:22

where's Cod? I followed her advice 7 yrs ago and never looked back.

supermandoesnotwearacoat Thu 22-Aug-13 21:05:48

Forgot to say I only tried sitting him on the potty once, he was so upset by it that I didn't try again and deeply regret trying even once.

tweety89 Thu 22-Aug-13 21:55:05

Firstly, sorry I've written such a long post; couldn't help it! smile
Second, it's only day 1, don't despair! I've got to say though...To start potty training today (for the first time I assume?) and expect her to be ready by Monday it is a bit ambitious indeed blush.
My daughter turned 3 on the 11th of August and since I'm on garden leave and she stays at home Thursdays and Fridays I decided to properly start potty training on the 9th. My trick was to put her on the potty every 40-50 minutes, remind her (calmly) that the potty is there for her and look for...signs. Children concentrate and get quiet a bit more when they want to go the toilet (more for number 2, but still..). I started promising her a biscuit (with no sugar! smile) every time she had a wee (toilet or potty, didn't matter) and the first couple of times (probably more) she had a wee we were all very excited, giving her stickers/biscuit, praising her, etc. so she started feeling a bit more at ease and proud of herself. She only had one accident (wee) at home and one at nursery and since then it's going quite well (more or less -she still cannot have a poo at nursery and she has asked a couple of times for her pull up to have a poo -I just ignored her).
We tried potty training at nursery in May for the first time and she just couldn't get it. Kept on wetting herself EVERY single time she had a wee, so we gave up after 10 days as we were going away for a month and moving house as well. I was told that girls can be potty-trained quicker, however, with us it didn't work this way the first time. I feel that this time she was ready and it just clicked.
I've got to say though, I don't think that your nursery is being fair and I agree with gintastic, this is discrimination. My nursery have been very helpful with both the dummy and potty training (this is their job, isn't it?).
On the pull ups, I agree with Gina's potty training book; there is no real point in them. In fact, it might give mixed messages to some children. We do use them at night and nap time, however, she understands the difference now and she tries to keep her nap-time pull-up dry (there are some brands that have a wetness indicator, so if she wakes up dry she gets a nice sticker, etc.).

By the way, the start chart does work and even if your DD doesn't understand how it works yet, this is not a problem. We bought the star chart before my DD's second birthday and we started emphasising on each star daily. Sometimes, if she was very naughty during the day, we wouldn't give her any stars and this is when she started getting it (as she wasn't happy).

DumDum32 Fri 23-Aug-13 10:41:40

Tweety - no need to apologise for long post i need all the help i can get smile u have all help me put things into perapective. I was thinking naively she will be potty trained in a week or so (this coming from my lovely friends who alredy thing ive failed her telling me tbey trained their children in a week!!!)

Super - that is exact same thing my little one is doing. She just does not want to go in the potty/toilet. Mind u it was only day one yesterday & like u all said i got to stop stressing her & myself out and make it as fuss free as possible for both of us.

Today im going for the relaxed approach. Ive put her in pants & will let her tell dictate the day. Im not gonna put her on the potty but instead will try taking her to the toilet instead. Maybe she will prefer that instead. Im also going to do the chart maybe it doesnt make sense to her now but she might start to associate good behaviour with reward.

valiumredhead Fri 23-Aug-13 10:48:25

My ds hated the potty. You can do lots of 'mummy's turn to do a wee , now your turn, oh good girl, you don't want to, oh never mind perhaps next time etc etc'

You'll be banging you head against a brick wall by the end off the day keep repeating itgrin

DumDum32 Fri 23-Aug-13 11:32:55

Lol valium - thank u grin

MrsOakenshield Fri 23-Aug-13 11:44:10

if she has speech delay then I think it's perfectly natural for potty training to come a bit more slowly, as she can't communicate her needs so clearly and the nursery need to understand that.

It's Day One. Take it slowly over the next few days, try to keep everything as normal as possible at home, but take her shopping for some pretty pants that she can choose herself (get A Lot. I think DD has approx 20 pairs!). I wouldn't use pullups myself, just pants. Oh, and no dresses, it's awkward for girls to have to gather up the back of the dress so it doesn't get wee'd on, T shirt and leggings that are easily pulled down. Also, chocolate buttons are your friend, small ones for a wee, jumbo ones for a poo (though that may take some time in coming).

If there's not been much progress in a week, stop, explain to nursery and they can just suck it up, and try again in a month or so. We got there 3rd time round, after 2 previous attempts, each lasting a week - 3rd time she was dry in a day. But we had no pressure from nursery.

Blessyou Fri 23-Aug-13 11:47:53

I can recommend No Cry Potty Training Solution by Elizabeth Pantely for stress-free pressure-free approach

Blessyou Fri 23-Aug-13 11:48:08

Whoops, *Pantley

justanuthermanicmumsday Fri 23-Aug-13 11:53:17

i agree with oakens method treat with sweets. and chill dont be so harsh on yourself. i have to start with my girl shes almost 3 and they will call her in in january apparently because she just missed the august start shes a sept baby. im not looking forward to it she doesnt tell me when she does a wee or pooh as it is.

what i hate is why do the women always end up potty training. ive trained 2 so far and even now if they have accidents its usually me cleaning their clothes and body not husband. thats what gets my goat.

husband says i have to start and do driving test asap to be honest i just ignore him feels like a nag. this is how men feel eh lool

DumDum32 Fri 23-Aug-13 11:54:57

Mrs oakensheild - what a fantastic idea re choc buttons. She does love chocolate smile

Bless u - thanks i'll look that up smile

She just went & sat on the toilet by herself. Didnt do anything mind u but at least she is going in without crying. Yippy smile

justanuthermanicmumsday Fri 23-Aug-13 11:55:05

on the first few days you will have lots of accidents but yes its damn stressful epsecially with carpet. its all right for those watchin ie mil to say calm down no need to go off on one. really i lose my rag and tell her to wipe up the mess.

justanuthermanicmumsday Fri 23-Aug-13 11:56:34

i did my other kids potty training in easter, those mini choc eggs but in bulk lool they were like whoopee easter eggs all colourful . but yes choc buttons are a good small treat!

MrsOakenshield Fri 23-Aug-13 12:00:58

choc buttons rock. DD would sell her soul for choc of any description. It's a nice little reward, and quite easy to stop once they're really got the hang of it. She quite liked her reward chart we used on attempt 2, but nowhere near as much!

lucamom Fri 23-Aug-13 12:17:25

Just written an epic post then lost it! Probably just as well, I'll try to summarise:

Learnt the hard way with my eldest-pressured to train him as he was 3 ("DH was dry at 18 mths". Probably because you didn't want to wash any more nappies!), nightmare and very stressful. I stopped and started a few weeks later and he got it straight away.

What I think happened for us was I made too big a deal over the potty. We bought his fave character, had it out all the time and made such a big deal that I think he saw it as another toy/chair so would sit for ages but never pee or poo. What worked for mine was the toilet seat thingy (to stop them feeling vulnerable and falling down the hole). And being really ready.

Good luck x

DumDum32 Fri 23-Aug-13 12:53:30

Justanuther - lets not get started on the whole useless male thing. Its the same in our culture - the husbands dont do anything messy God forbid they have to change a nappy! In a way im glad im a lone parent! I can just imagine my answers to the mil aswell Lol

Lucamom - yeah my parents wanted to buy her a disney mickey mouse one as i couldnt afford but i said exactly the same thing to them that she will treat it more like a toy. Ive just bought a generic stool/seat set from argos. She loves the stool as she uses it every morning to brush her teeth. Im hoping she will get used to the seat in the same way.

She is very relaxed at the moment so im keeping it that way for now. Will try the toilet again in about 45mins as she's just had a drink.

Mrsoakensheild - ive kept her in a vest and leggings. Its quite hot here in London. I was thinking of putting her in a dress so thanks for the heads up smile

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