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Support thread for 'late' potty-trainers and/or gentle/slow training?

(253 Posts)
badchat Sat 03-Aug-13 21:02:27

DD has just turned 3. We've had a potty for a year. I've been reading potty books, talking about using potty/toilet etc. for months and months, and watching and waiting for signs of readiness. So far nothing. She shows no awareness of doing a wee or a poo, or of needing to. She has been uninterested in, or hostile to, the potty and knickers up until recently, and she doesn't seem to mind having a dirty nappy at all. Also, up until quite recently she would sometimes wake with a poo in her nappy.

She is meant to be starting at a nursery/pre-school in mid-September, which will require her to wear knickers, although if she is not potty trained they say they will work with me to try and help.

So, for the past few weeks I've been getting her used to sitting on the potty, e.g. regular reading on the potty after breakfast. For the past week stepped it up to wearing knickers or nothing for a few hours a day as well (she asks for nappies quite quickly and I encourage her to stay with knickers but if she gets upset I don't want a power struggle over it so I go back to nappies).

So far, nothing in the potty, just a few wees on the floor. She says she doesn't know when she is about to go.

I am trying to stay positive - we have moved on at least from refusing potty/knickers to giving them a go. But I am finding it really difficult - I am worried about her going to nursery and having a horrible time being worried about it, or being teased. My sister is very disapproving and seems to think that it is my fault she isn't potty trained yet. I have mentioned it to a few friends and they have responded with slight shock, and e.g. "oh, x was dry before she was 2"... I don't know a single other person in RL who is struggling or has struggled with potty training - everyone seems to tell me that their kid wanted to train, or responded quickly to adult-led training.

Anyway, sorry this is so epic. Just hoping some of you out there are in same kind of position and will come and huddle here for support!

Piratejones Tue 29-Jul-14 23:46:41

Preschool starts in September and I don't expect she'll be any closer by then. Maybe it's not a big deal and I'm worrying over nothing?

When she gets to 4 and you NEED to train, just buy a smaller nappy and pretend she has suddenly grown out of them. You seem to be setting this up well.

BranchingOut Tue 29-Jul-14 18:17:47

Well done BigWelly and kudos to your DD!

Also does your DH hire himself out for potty training purposes?

eversomuch Tue 29-Jul-14 16:55:38

Joining this thread with the hope of making some progress. DD is almost 3 1/2 and says she's "never going to wear underpants" and "never going to go on the potty". First attempt at training last summer failed and we've hardly made any steps forward since then. She refuses to go on the potty at all, but will sometimes wear pants over her nappy. I suggested we try putting them on under her nappy but that plan was rejected.

Trying not to pressure her. Just casually remind her every now and then that she's getting big and would she like to try to potty, etc.

Preschool starts in September and I don't expect she'll be any closer by then. Maybe it's not a big deal and I'm worrying over nothing?

bigwellylittlewelly Wed 25-Jun-14 22:55:04

Wanted to return to try to give hope to others. A her fourth birthday dd is dry and in knickers. We went cold turkey two weeks ago, her and I had reached an impasse so DH took time off and toilet trained her.

still using pull ups overnight but usually dry. She is not brilliant yet at telling us but she does have a speech delay, her behaviour is enough to prompt her to go. She has cerebral palsy and poor balance so a potty didn't give her the stability she needed, we've found a combo of seats and.steps which work for her and nursery are obviously over the moon.

I'm praying there won't be any regression but I know accidents are inevitable!

northyorksbelle Tue 10-Jun-14 23:18:56

We have been at this process now for almost 20 months and I have gone through the entire gamut of emotions and experiences I think it is possible to.
My boy is 4 and 1/2, very strong willed and apparently keen to destroy me on this. The current approach is a pseudo calm and nonchalant attitude to the many pairs of soggy pants I am faced with each day. I confirm I am not angry/sad or otherwise upset with him as he is cleaned and redressed and then we continue with the day as I bite down on my tongue. I say it's the current approach because I have tried so many things it makes me dizzy.
I know it's a battle for power that I cannot lose but it's bloody hard. I suppose the question is how long should you try any one approach before you decide that it just isn't working? I'm close to the edge and I don't need to be pushed any closer but the force is strong in this handsome little bugger.

Toastmonster Thu 05-Jun-14 18:29:37

My DS is 3.8 yrs and nowhere near to using a toilet. I've tried everything. Making me feel like the worst mum in the world. Preschool in September and I simply don't know what else I can do

Duckievamp Fri 23-May-14 15:24:28

I've just joined here because I'm growing rather desolate over the potty situation, and can I just say it is such a big relief to see so many other parents with 3+ (AKA "too old for nappies") children who haven't got them trained yet? Thank you for sharing the desperation and letting me see I'm not alone!!

We've also got speech issues over this way, comprehension is an issue as well, apparently, and he's on his way to playschool in September so the pressure's on for the summer. He is impervious to discomfort and gets incredibly aggressive when nappy changes happen, it's rather awful. He has no interest in the potty, though. It's like he doesn't see the point in wasting his time peeing in a plastic chair device when he can just pee all over the camp and have me clean it up instead!!

I actually had a nightmare about this last night. It's so stressful and I really envy anyone who's managed potty training with ease!

gutted2014 Wed 14-May-14 14:21:51

Can I join? DS2 is 3.1 & is in no way potty trained at all! He has a severe speech & language delay & I think this doesn't help matters as I can't be sure what he understands.

He is currently at the stage of saying 2-3 word phrases & often says 'Daddy/Mummy/DS1 wee toilet' or 'wee wee toilet' so I think he understands that wee goes in the toilet.

He has a chair potty that he is happy to sit on for up to half an hour, especially if watching Mr Tumble at the time grin

He is currently pottering around wearing just pants (and one sock hmm) until we fetch DS2 from school in about half an hour. He's been in pants for about 45 minutes already. They are still dry. When I say to him to sit on the potty for a wee, he sits on it quite happily & takes his pants off to do so.

He once did a wee on the potty & I made a great fuss of it, giving him a sweetie, clapping, cheering etc. We also once (last week) managed to catch the tiniest bit of a tail-end of a poo on the potty and a similar fuss was made for this.

DS1 is very good about letting DS2 watch him do a wee, so that DS2 has an example to follow.

I think part of the problem is that we are out every day, so DS2 can only go nappyless for 3 or so hours max at a time. Quite often I will out him in pants for this time & we haven't had a wet pair yet.

I just don't know what else to do!

starsandmoonandback Tue 29-Apr-14 10:24:34

Harold, good luck! I found it so daunting, actually worse building myself up from it than when we actually did it. But IMHO I think they need to be ready xx

HaroldLloyd Tue 29-Apr-14 09:49:07

Eyelet are you arnie grin

Going to have another gentle go this weekend.

I hate this!

djumi1990 Tue 29-Apr-14 09:41:12

I have heard about Carwyn Turbo Potty Training as a lot of people have been satisfied through this. My wife is also going to have it. Hope she gets he best.

WildThong Mon 28-Apr-14 00:28:50

I didn't potty train my DS at all. I just kind of went with the flow (literally grin. I think young mothers are put under too much pressure to reach certain milestones with their children and what looks good on a page of a book doesn't necessarily mean it's right for every child. Sometimes they are just not ready.

I Ignored mil, peer pressure etc and was guided by ds's own understanding/maturity whatever you want to call it.
So he was between two and a half to three and straight out of nappies onto the toilet, using a little step of course and with me helping wipe. I think we had a couple of nighttime accidents in total, nothing major.
I wouldn't have minded if he was older, I made the decision to wait and it worked out perfectly.

Martorana Mon 28-Apr-14 00:13:31

Would it help to know that my incredibly socially confident, charming, gifted and talented and all round fab ds was only potty trained for pees at about 3, just about for poos when he started school and was unable to wipe his own bottom until he was about 7?

starsandmoonandback Mon 28-Apr-14 00:08:04

Mad, my DS was sooo the same. We had potties around since he was 2 or something, read books about potties, but would he even contemplate sitting on the potty....Nope! shock If your DS likes routine then I'd do the once a day thing. Make a sticker chart (I'll send you my basic one I made and printed out! Give his favourite sweet, choc after every 'try', 2 for an actual wee.... Rewards (bribery!!!!) was the way to go for us! And it was easily petered off too as they begin to want to do it and feel a sense of achievement. Pm me if you want my sticker chart!!!

starsandmoonandback Mon 28-Apr-14 00:02:30

Harold, he may not be ready. And waiting even a few weeks may help. But, this time, I stayed in for 2 days and let DS go bottomless and he got the hang of weeing (with choc buttons as rewards and a little present each day. Also stickers just for 'sitting' on the potty, 2 for weeing ( at first) as soon as I put pants on him he weed (I think was like having a nappy on) but he did get it very quickly. Pooing,took longer, I thought it would be months (he would poo in pants or on the floor if no pants on!) but actually, within a couple of weeks (with stickers, choc buttons and presents being for pooing on the potty) he's got it! Now, we've achieved weeing in the toilet, but yet to conquer poos!

Honestly, I completely understand the worry, it feels like they'll never do it, but they do!!! smile

Messygirl Mon 28-Apr-14 00:02:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Messygirl Mon 28-Apr-14 00:01:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eyelet Sun 27-Apr-14 23:34:56

I'll be back.

starsandmoonandback Sun 27-Apr-14 23:31:45

My DS is generally in a 'no' phase for anything new! I honestly didn't know what to do about moving him from potty to toilet, that's why I wrote here, but they can oddly surprise you! I tried for a day of potty training when DS was about 3.4 months and whilst miraculously he actually sat on it (I'd tried before and it was always a NO) he didn't wee. Then again I tried and he just weed and then sat on the potty after I encouraged him to sit on it after... (Thought he'd never get the convection!) but I really believe he just wasn't ready yet. This time, at 3.7 months he was! And I am so glad I waited. I am also lucky that his nursery/preschool are very supportive of the potty train when ready ethos as I know lots aren't. Have you spoken to your DS's preschool about his speech delay, as you could explain that dialogue about such things haven't been easy, surely that can be seen as an exception? Worth a try perhaps?

HaroldLloyd Sun 27-Apr-14 23:28:06

Yes, one day he even weed on me when we were watching a film.

Last time I tried he just pooed and called out mummy a poo fell out of my pants.

I am totally utterly at a loss.

Maybe he's just not ready but he is going to nursery in September so that makes me nervous.

starsandmoonandback Sun 27-Apr-14 23:24:09

Harold, do you mean you've put him in pants and he's just weeing and pooing?

HaroldLloyd Sun 27-Apr-14 23:01:34

Three and 2 months.

He's never been on the potty, he just poos and wees wherever he is and dosent seem to even care!

I'll have a good read through here when I get 5, and hope for some tips.

Messygirl Sun 27-Apr-14 23:00:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HaroldLloyd Sun 27-Apr-14 22:55:56

Ah! Thank goodness. I am struggling with this at the moment.

Messygirl Sun 27-Apr-14 22:50:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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