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Nearly 3yrs old and still in nappies

(23 Posts)
Shellwell Thu 18-Jul-13 12:42:44


My dd2 is 3 in two weeks time. She has been showing signs of being ready for potty training for a few months now but I have left it due to speech problems. She is now at speech therapy and will say three maybe four words together now. I have tried for weeks now to get her to go on the potty/toilet. She asked to go on the toilet and really likes going on the toilet after myself or her older sister. But she has Never wee'd in the toilet, she just doesn't understand what to do when she is on the toilet. I have tried today to go without a nappy and no knickers , so I guess this is day 1 of potty training. She has asked several times to go to the toilet but again does nothing when on it. All my other friends had their children potty trained months ago and I'm not getting anywhere. I feel bad about leaving it so late but I had my reasons. I do think once she does something on the toilet she will get it, its just driving me mad!!

badchat Thu 18-Jul-13 14:39:25

My DD is 3 in a week's time and I am really starting to stress about potty training too now. I kept saying I would wait until she was ready and was really hoping she would initiate training but despite having had potties around several months, lots of books and chats about it there is no 'natural' progress. I am starting to feel conspicuous and ashamed even about having a 3yo in nappies. I know its silly to feel this way but struggling to get perspective on it.

We have tried half day no nappy for several days over the last couple of weeks. Dd will sit on potty and even says 'I did a wee!' happily, but so far no wees in potty - just on sofa, floor etc.

I'm not sure she's ready tbh - she rarely stops to have a poo, never goes anywhere quiet, and she doesnt even tell me or seem to care about having a dirty nappy.

Anyway, sorry I'm not helping at all OP! Just piggybacking on your thread and hoping someone else will come along with some useful advice. I'm sure we'll both figure it out eventually and hopefully your Dd's speech therapy will help. At the moment I think I need to just take a few days to calm myself down and really get in the riht headspace for approaching it calmly and not just getting frustrated at DD not being 'able' to do it. Good luck to you!

Beachbum48 Thu 18-Jul-13 15:30:40

I think you should leave it if she isn't ready yet. I know it's hard and a bit socially embarrassing but my ds was the same. At 3.3 we tried again and he got it straight away. I think SALT issues don't help and they just need time. They all get there in the end. Other older mums told me this and I didn't believe it but it really has proved to be true!

daimbardiva Thu 18-Jul-13 15:41:06

Don't stress!!! I was like this this time last year and thenat 3.4 my ds asked to wear pants and that was that. And just ignore pressure from family etc, your dd will let you know when she's ready.

painforlife Fri 19-Jul-13 11:42:34

oh I'm so glad to see I'm not the only having trouble with spotty training. my DD was 3 last month & my family has been driving me crazy about spotty training her. she has delayed speech aswell & I dint want to pressure her into it but at the same time dont wanna delay it too long either. don't know what to do tbh. I've tried putting her on the potty every 2 hours but nothing!

elfycat Fri 19-Jul-13 11:50:25

DD1 potty trained at 3.4yo and I had to just let her get on with it as she was resisting being told when to sit down and have a try. She also had SALT issues, mainly because she was partially deaf at that age (now resolving). Google 'resistance to potty training' for Toddler Led Toilet Training ideas.

DD2 is 2.8 and we're encouraging potty usage, but while she has some successes she isn't all that bothered by it. She'll sit on the potty and do nothing and then get up and wee 3 minutes later. I have her in nappies on any day with a playzone or car journey in it and in her special Peppa Pig pants on the other days.

blueberryupsidedown Fri 19-Jul-13 11:54:18

Can I just ask, have you seen a pedeatrician? Do you know what is causing her speech problem?

You could show her the makaton sign for toilet, and make a simple noise when you are having a wee, or her sister (such as SSSSSSSSSSSSS) that she can reproduce easily, instead of using the actual word.

My son has a speech disorder called Developmental Verbal Dyspraxia, and was diagnosed at 4 years old, but at 3 he didn't have any speech. It took us ages before he was potty trained. We found out later that he also has Dyspraxia. DVD is not common, and it often is liked with Dyspraxia (see

The thing is, for children with dyspraxia, it's very difficult to isolate muscles. So the control of the right muscles for bladder control can develop later and it takes longer for them to 'feel' the right muscles to have a wee. Just keep an eye on that and talk about it to your pedeatrician, it might have a link. Then again, it might not!!

My tip would be to leave her without a nappy to play in the garden and try to spot when she has a wee or poo and give her time to figure out what it feels like. Also, try sitting her on the potty about 20 minutes after a large drink to 'catch' the wee - just so that she can gradually understand what weeing feels like.

There are many children who potty train later it's not a big deal. DS was 3 and a half, and at 4 he was very reliable.

piprabbit Fri 19-Jul-13 12:00:41

DS wouldn't/couldn't use the potty until he was over 3.5 years old.

He showed no interest or understanding at all.

In the May after he turned 3, we were talking to him about starting in Nursery class (for big children) that September. Quite spontaneously he said "I won't need nappies in nursery class, I'll use the toilet". I said fair enough, but found over the coming months he still refused to have anything to do with potty training.

Then, much to my surprise and trepidation, on his first day in Nursery class he refused to wear a nappy and insisted on pants because he was going to be using the toilet. I warned the staff and we went with the flow - he was fine, used the toilet and never wore a daytime nappy again.

He is a young man of very decided opinions.

SageYourResoluteOracle Sat 20-Jul-13 03:48:05

Piprabbit your DS sounds fantastic! grin

This thread has got me thinking as I'm
training DD who's just turned two and guess what? A fair few people have said, 'ooh. She's quite young! Maybe wait. . . ' Like many things in parenting, another dammed if you do and damned if you don't scenario.

Only YOU can know your own child and it's not just about the little one but about how you feel/circumstances etc that can determine if you're all ready.

Good luck!

Kytti Sat 20-Jul-13 10:04:30

It will come, but by heck, it can take its time. dd1 was 2, ds1 was turning 3. dt1 was 2 and dt2, well, he's been taking FOREVER. He's 3 and a half and has been 'on the cusp' for TEN LONG MONTHS. You just have to stick with it. There's no tried and true. I successfully trained three under 3's and failed appallingly with the last. Well, you know, not failed, just, it proves that the child will only do it when they want to.

As my husband says, you never see a five-year-old in nappies. Sheesh.

TallulahBetty Sat 20-Jul-13 10:12:58

I don't have a 3 year old (yet - DD is 20 months). However, one thing my mum said to me not long ago stuck in my mind.

When we were kids, normal potty training age was 3. Parents these days are under so much pressure (peer? Nursery?) to train their kids younger and younger. All I'm trying to say is that your child isn't behind at all, that is a "normal" age to still be in nappies, it just doesn't seem it these days as so many parents start younger smile

Sl1nkyMalinki Sat 20-Jul-13 12:18:29

I'm so glad I found this thread! My ds is 3.1 and we have had a trial afternoon of no nappies. Well if you ask me he hasn't got a clue about what's going on his nappy confused and I can see this taking an age.

Piprabbit, DS is starting pre school in September and also wants to use the little loos. I can only hope he does the same as your ds!

My dd was trained in 4 days at 2.6 so you can't help feeling a bit of a failure!

painforlife Sat 20-Jul-13 13:11:14

so I went to a friends daughters bday party yday with my DD. there the same age as ny DD I.e 3 years old. the evening was going well until she said "oh my god you havent spotty trained her yet!" big gasp by everyone around me. I felt so embarrassed that I was wishing the ground would open up & swallow me. I flet so judged & to make it worse I didn't utter a word in response just that I had started on it but hadn't got there yet. well I wish I hadn't said anything at all. they all started telling the brilliant ways they had all done it. my head was exploding by the end of it. I've got the next 7 week's to work on it as DD will start nursery again in September. the nursery told me they expect her potty trained by then sad so I've decided from tomorrow I'm gonna put in just pants and sit her on the potty every hour until she understands the concept. I'm mentally prepared myself for the clear up's I'll have to do!

BoysRule Sat 20-Jul-13 13:16:37

I trained DS1 'late', he was a month off 3. He was reluctant to use a potty for the first few days (it took bribery with chocolate!) but he knew exactly what he was doing and only had a couple of accidents. I think he did really well because he was ready. All of my friends' children were trained and I was very self conscious of his nappy showing - he looks older than he is so that didn't help. However, it was stress free for all of us because he was ready.

I think if a child is ready they will pretty much do it without fuss. I would advise you just wait a while and try again.

Meglet Sat 20-Jul-13 13:24:47

Do. Not. Worry.

I had a bash at doing mine when they were around 2.6, but they had no interest at all. Tried again a couple of months later, again no luck. I did have them in pull ups all this time and would suggest they used the toilet but no pressure at all, I let it happen gradually. Sometimes they peed in their pull-ups, sometimes they decided they'd like to use the potty or toilet. At least there were no wet clothes or accidents.

In the end it was easier to do them over xmas when I was off work, I'm a LP so it needed to fit into my routine. DS was 3.2 and DD was 3.4. They were reliably potty trained within a few days and dry at night by easter.

KnittedWaffle Sat 20-Jul-13 13:27:47

My DD was about 3 when she potty trained.
When I say 'trained' I mean she literally decided one day she didn't want to wear nappies any more.
She has only wet herself 2-3 times and all were within 5 minutes of home and within the first month or so of her coming out of nappies. She has never wet the bed.

I'm not boasting, I'm trying to reassure you that leaving it until DC is ready is the best idea. DD had shown hardly any signs of readiness and spent more time with the potty on her head than using it properly! In fact, she fought me ferociously when i suggested she try to go to the toilet on it.

I have friends who had poo incidents every day, had to carry 3/4 change of clothes around with them and generally had a hard time potty training, especially at night.

DS1 is nearly 2.5 now and although he is interested in toilets (flushing, toilet paper etc!) he is nowhere near ready to be potty trained. He holds his poo in for days and gets in a massive flap if I suggest going on the toilet/potty. I'll leave it until he's decided he's ready, whether that's at 3 or 4. My only goal will be to do it before he starts school.
Please don't stress about it.
You're right to get the SL issues sorted first as you both have enough to concentrate on with that and as her language improves she might feel more confident in other areas.

barnet Sat 20-Jul-13 13:29:50

Dont worry. To put it in perspective, here in Norway the norm for potty training is around 3.5 yrs. they can ski before they are out of nappies! They all get there in the end.

Billysilly Sat 20-Jul-13 13:32:30

My daughter was 3;2. It seemed a big deal at the time but they do all get there.

juneau Sat 20-Jul-13 13:34:50

All DC are different. My DS1 didn't potty train until he was 3.7! He was a healthy DC with no delays of any kind - he was just mule-headed and refused to try. He was utterly immune to the lovely pants I bought him with trains and monkeys on. When he did finally train (5 weeks after the birth of DS2 - perfect timing!), he trained in three days and was dry at night within a week.

MerylStrop Sat 20-Jul-13 13:41:36

"do think once she does something on the toilet she will get it"

yy to this

My older 2 were sorted a bit before and after being 2, they were just ready. DS2 was different, he insisted he didn't like pants, screamed when we tried to sit him on the toilet, and when discussing it said "I'm only little". He knew he wasn't ready, so we just had to wait till he was, in his own little head, which probably was the same time as he was ready developmentally. Then one day we magically got him on the loo when he needed a wee. And the penny dropped. Lots of accidents for a week or two but now sorted, day and night.

They all do it in their own time.

Anyone who judges can bugger off.

PollyPlummer Wed 24-Jul-13 20:01:54

I am so glad I have found this thread, dts have just turned 3.

Decided to give potty training a shot because they have been aware of when they are going for a while, we have been reading a book about it and talking about it, tried a couple of times before but they both said no they want to poo and wee in their nappy - fair enough. Decided to give it another go this week.

I don't really know what to do or how we are doing.

Yesterday dt1 had lots of accidents sat on the potty didn't go but then weed on the floor (always in the same spot) and then this morning announced that he wants to wear pants, in no certain terms will be wearing nappies in the day, but wants to wee on the floor and even added "you'll clean it up mummy"
This afternoon however he did a wee in the potty, it seemed to push him to do more and we didn't have an accident till dinner time, tbh he was really tired by then and fell asleep shortly after.

Dt2 didn't have an accident at all yesterday and I really thought he had cracked it, one accident this morning and lots this afternoon.
Neither of them are independently going to the potty if I left them they would just wee, then tell me.

Both of them really want to wear pants, they are adamant they don't want to wear nappies. I think they get so engrossed in playing that they forget until they are doing it. I have been reminding them to sit on the potty every 30 - 45 mins, but I'm really stumped, I usually just trust my instincts and go with the flow, but I have no instincts this time and just don't know what to do.
Sorry for the whiney long post.

MerylStrop Wed 24-Jul-13 20:47:37

sounds about right to me!
just keep taking them to the loo
go bonkers with cheering and high fives when something is produced

PollyPlummer Wed 24-Jul-13 20:58:12

Thanks Meryl smile I just breathed a huge sigh of relief. Have been worried I have got it all wrong and scarred them for life (typing it actually makes me realise how silly that is)
We have been doing high fives and cheering. Dts have been high fiving each other which is quite funny because they always miss and end up whacking each other. grin

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