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Did you use a reward chart? Three year old PETRIFIED of potty and toilet...

(9 Posts)
TheMummyBean Mon 22-Apr-13 12:52:22

Hi all,

My almost three year old won't go anywhere near a potty or a toilet.

I started testing the potty training water with her at 2 years old. We bought a potty and the Elmo potty training DVD and she just wasn't interested.

A few moths later we took her to the 'potty shop' (Kiddicare) so she could choose her own big girl potty. She spent the whole time saying 'no no, not the potty', slamming any potty lids down that we put up and placing any potty's we showed her back on the shelf!

Every time the potty is in the room she simply picks it up and puts in back in the bathroom (or chucks it over the stair gate). If we try and pick her up to sit on the toilet or potty she screams and gets herself in a right state.

She'll occasionally tell me she's done a wee (like twice a week) but always denies doing a poo (even though I know for sure she has) other than that she happily sits in it without mentioning it all day - and still resists me changing her.

She suffered from constipation really badly between the ages of 18 months - 2.5 years.

She always comes in with me, and we do the 'what does mummy have to do next' when I'm going and she say's 'wipe, flush the chain, wash your hands, dry your hands, finished!'. But refuses to have a go herself.

I've brought her pull ups and 'big girl knickers' but she gets in a state when I get them out.

So... this afternoon we are going to make a 'potty reward chart' together and then tomorrow we are going to stay indoors with her nappy off and see how that goes?

Any advice or stories of how you did train a reluctant 3 year old who be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

500calories Mon 22-Apr-13 20:03:18

Sorry, I have no advice. But, I am in the same situation with DD, just turned 3. Although I don't think she's petrified, just bloody minded. Clearly understands all about going to the toilet and loves big girl knickers, just won't do it.

We tried training twice before, with no success, she just held on until either off the potty or back in night-time nappy. Also didn't seem to notice she was in wet knickers. That or she was happy to put up with it.

Going with rewards, tho she tends to lose interest in rewards (sigh). So going to ramp up the reward to something spectacular. Last time the promise of a scooter wasn't enough. She said she didn't want one in the end.

Hoping for some inspiration or new ideas too. Good luck.

TheMummyBean Wed 24-Apr-13 09:49:24

We most certainly sound like we are in the same boat!

We spent Monday afternoon creating a lovely reward chart sticking on all her favourite characters to make it fun and she went to bed fully understanding that every time she went on the potty the next day she'd get a smiley face and four smiley faces meant some chocolate stars and then if she went on the potty for the rest of the week we'd go to Toys R Us on Sunday afternoon and she could choose a toy.

Belle woke up Tuesday asking if today was the day she was in big girl knickers and seemed excited. But when it came to taking her nappy off she didn't want to, and she screamed as I put her big girl knickers on.

We spent all day either indoors, or in our garden as it was so nice. First thing she had the knickers on, which lasted 30mins before they were wet. So I kept her bare for the rest of the day with 7 wee's on the floor by dinner time! When she goes it seems to take her by surprise and she just looks at it then looks at me and says 'I did a wee on the floor mummy'. I was really calm all day and have been saying maybe next time we'll try on the potty but I really don't think she knows its coming! Still not ready at nearly 3?????

She is at nursery today as I work from home on a Wednesday and I have packed some pull ups. I had a chat with them this morning and they are going to put them on her for an hour to see if she asks to go. Her best friend goes to the same nursery and has been dry for over a year now (9 days between them age wise) sad so they are going to take Belle with Izzy when she uses to potty.

I suppose I just have to be persistent but I'm feeling a little deflated!

I hope ramping up the rewards helps for you. If anyone has any other suggestions I'd be so grateful!


Roomfor1more Wed 24-Apr-13 15:51:51

Reading with interest too. Dd will only sit on the potty/loo in the last few days but as regards doing anything, well that's a whole other story!

Best of luck 500 and MummyBean, this has been the most challenging thing so far for me of being a parent. Dd is dc 2, already trained ds1, no problem and have 1 yr old twin boys coming up too

mewkins Sun 12-May-13 22:09:36

Hiya, we are still not sorted for poos (as on another thread!) but...3 weeks ago started potty training and had a disastrous few days and I would have given up! However we used pull ups for a week and took dd to the loo every 30 mins or so. Lots of accidents but in pull ups less stressful! Then as she got the hang of using the loo regularly we put her in pants... a few accidents esp when tired but generally reliable now. What helped was that a friend had read somewhere that a toddlers defailt answer is no. So... trust your judgement and if you think they need the loo, still take them ad it gets them in the habit. I think toilet training is all about getting them to learn a new habit and routine so I would give it at least 4 or 5 days to see if things improve before going back to the nappies.

alteredimages Mon 13-May-13 10:41:32


We're up and down with DD too. When she was at nursery full time she was pretty good but after a couple of moves in as many months and winter it all went to pot. Here in France kids have to be completely potty trained by three to start school so I'm worried what things will be like come September because she's so inconsistent.

Two things I did notice though are 1. Nursery is great! DD would poo in her pants and happily sit in it at home but only took her two days to be dry at nursery because she didn't want to look like a baby in front of her friends. grin

Secondly she loves the three in one potty because she does her business and then throws away the pee in the toilet and washes the potty. She thinks cleaning the potty up is great.

Even so she has days where she won't use the potty abd I can't figure out why. I'm also too chicken to leave the house without her in training pants though its been about a week since she last had an accident.

fluffyanimal Mon 13-May-13 10:45:24

My two are boys who tend to be later, but neither of mine potty trained until well past 3. I think you need to back off and leave it for a few more weeks.

alteredimages Mon 13-May-13 10:46:27

I would second newkins re making them sit. We started sitting on the potty every thirty minutes then moved to once an hour and are now every two hours or so. DD would always say no and when I left her would pee herself a minute later. angry

I also use whatever leverage I can to make her sit from a piece if chocolate to going out to see her friend or watching TV. It's amazing how well bribery works at this age and they're too young to call your bluff. wink

oldtoys Mon 13-May-13 10:59:01

what fluffy said, back off a little bit

she is clearly clever, she knows she can control you through the potty issue! you have lots of potties, she knows very well what theyre for etc

Sounds like she just wants to do it when SHE decides, not when you tell her.

Plus yes their default answer is NO at that age, and so, dont ask her questions about it, or if she would like to use it etc etc

just pretend it's not an issue - hard I know

OH and casually mention that ' oh dear! the shop doesnt have any nappies left and the lady in the shop told you all the boys and girls would have to do poos and weeeees in potties now. Oh well' no more nappies left!

I did this with my stubborn DD when she was 2.5 and within a few hrs that day, she went hunting for her potty to sit on it with a book, telling me that there were no nappies left in the shop! Funny little people arent they?!

if that fails, go with the reward chart and turning it into a game to see if the potty can CATCH her wee...that also worked with my DS.

Or - if the potties dont work at all, maybe get one of those seats that attach onto the normal toilet, she can use that. DS went straight to that, instead of potty, hated potty as it was so low to the ground I think.

and cut out milk in her drinks if she's been constipated - my DD was the same, so it's water or cordial diluted only and her bowel movements are very regular now.

Good luck OP x

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