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DS 3.5 is slowly driving me mad.

(16 Posts)
AvoidTheTrees Tue 05-Feb-13 19:48:00

DS3 is now 3.5 and is still not potty trained. His two older brothers were trained by 2.5 and dry at night at a similar time.

He will wee on the toilet if reminded, but will happily sit in wet clothes and not tell us he wants to go. This I can cope with and hope that eventually he'll be ok; he's usually dry at nursery which he attends every morning.

However, poo's are a real problem; he rarely poo's at nursery, but will poo in his pants at home regardless of the number of times we put him on the toilet.

Tonight it was three times in less than 2 hours. Last week I told him that he isn't allowed to go to his friends house unless he uses the toilet and tonight he wasn't allowed a cookie with his brothers - he cries for a few minutes, but then doesn't seem bothered.

We tried a star chart for a few weeks, which did nothing and I've offered favourite treats but to no avail.

Any suggestions would be gratefully appreciated.

frazzledbutcalm Tue 05-Feb-13 21:57:31

I don't think he's ready. They are all different and he may not be anything like your other ds's in age wise to training. Dn was 3.10. My sister tried at various stages once he turned 3. One month he couldn't do it, literally the next month he trained no problem. When they're ready, they're ready. Not before then.

cece Tue 05-Feb-13 22:02:11

I have similar problem. DS2 is 3 yrs and 8 months. He is dry most days for wees now but still poos in his pants at least once a day.

I now have a permanent bucket of soaking pants in biotex!

AvoidTheTrees Tue 05-Feb-13 22:04:35

Love the name Frazzled!

You are most probably right and it serves me right for being quietly smug when the other two were so easy.

DH says pretty much the same as you, but there is a part of me that thinks he is just a lazy little monkey who could do it if he wanted to! He has a very laid back attitude to life in general - Nothing is important, nothing is urgent - which couldn't be more different from me.

He does have the most heart-warming smile though and charms the pants of everyone that meets him!

AvoidTheTrees Tue 05-Feb-13 22:06:38

Cece - Glad it's not just us then. I am sick of washing and showering - I thought it would be cheaper when we got him out of nappies, but it's probably costing more.

cece Tue 05-Feb-13 22:11:20

I have ended up buying some very cheap plain pants from Primark (something like 7 pairs for £2.50) and if they are really bad I have been throwing them out rather than wash them... I did have a boak when I realised I had poo lumps in my washing machine after DH didn't rinse a pair out before putting them in the machine!

elfycat Tue 05-Feb-13 22:13:20

Have you looked up resistance to potty training?

DD1 potty trained at about 3.5 after I started following the suggestions which are to let your child train themselves. You have to just leave them to it, clearing up accidents almost without comment. I used to remind her at the beginning of the day that the toilet was there, and after each accident would just go 'maybe next time?' before grinding teeth out of sight

Some of it is that their minds are so busy they forget and they need to be left to have the accidents to remind them to listen to the signals. So no hinting or sending to the loo.

elfycat Tue 05-Feb-13 22:15:39

Oh and poos were a bit later, another couple of months. As for nights. We're mostly there. Still in pull ups but most days they're dry and it's getting better.

frazzledbutcalm Tue 05-Feb-13 22:18:15

I honestly think potty training is easy when they are definitely ready. All 4 of mine were done and dusted in a few days.
Dc2 did regress mind you. She decided herself one day to go to the toilet just before her 2nd birthday. That was it, training complete! After 6 months of being perfectly trained, no problems at all, not even any accidents, she just started weeing everywhere! Went for advice from GP - his response was 'oh well 2.5 is very young to be potty trained, still very early days, it's normal' ... after 6 months of being trained with NO problems I just found this a stupid comment to be honest. She was a headstrong little girl and just turned the tables at everything we tried. She's now 13 and to this day I still can't work out what she was playing at, as the way we overcame the problem was on the day of her brother's birthday. I said to dd "how about we try to have dry knickers all day for db birthday" .. she asked why and I just said it would be nice...that was it! No more accidents! I think there are some things as parents we are just not meant to work out hmm
Sorry, I know that doesn't help you but just a little insight for you. We sometimes just really don't know how dc minds work.

Yamyoid Tue 05-Feb-13 22:22:21

My ds was wearing nappies until a week before his fourth birthday. Every weekend I'd ask if he wanted to wear pants and he refused (this is after many failed attempts at tt). Then one weekend he said yes and that was it. Two weeks later he was dry at night.
I know how hard it is but you might just have to put the tt on hold and he will know when he's ready.

cece Tue 05-Feb-13 22:23:52

When I ask him he always says he is too busy! TBH he doesn't really fit on the potty anymore so he has to use the toilet. I do have a seat for him though. I guess he'll get it eventually although it would be good if he could manage it before he starts school in Sept.

MrsCF Tue 05-Feb-13 22:25:08

My three year old has just mastered wees but is having problems with poos, probably every other poo is on the toilet. I have bought Dry Like Me which are a bit like tena lady for kids. You can put them in the front of the pants for wees and back for poos. I have found it much easier and less washing, I would definately recommend them.

TERRICOVERLEYDoSAC Tue 05-Feb-13 22:30:48

Recognise the buckets full of biotex and a laid back child who doesn't seem to mind sitting in wet clothes...

We finally cracked it at 3.5yrs by scaling up the incentives. Stickers etc had no effect, but when she really wanted a bigger than pocket money-sized toy, we said fine, that will be your reward if you can manage without nappies for a week. It worked and we never looked back (and she insisted on giving up nappies at night too).

AvoidTheTrees Tue 05-Feb-13 22:31:16

Thank for all the useful advice - and at least I don't have to worry about school in September as he missed out by 8 days.

Pre-school do expect them to be trained, but they are being really supportive at the moment - probably because he saves his poo's for when he gets home! The funny thing is at Christmas I was really stressed over the nativity play as he had to stay all day and sit through an one and half hour show. I explained to the nursery teacher and she just told him to have a poo and he did - hence why I think he can do if he wants to.

I think I do have to calm it down for a few weeks, for my own sanity if nothing else. I'm feeling a bit mean at the moment and want to go and give him a big hug!

AvoidTheTrees Tue 05-Feb-13 22:35:53

I have been thinking about a big reward Terri, but there is really nothing that he wants or needs. Having two big brothers means we have pretty much every toy he could possibly want - we still have Christmas toys to open.

He does love to bake - maybe I could try that over half-term.

DewDr0p Tue 05-Feb-13 22:56:00

Avoid your ds sounds very like my ds3, charming and laidback and still not $%^&£($* potty trained at 3.5!

I was tearing my hair out, nursery staff were raising eyebrows (even suggested they would have a go - how I laughed (bitterly) when they also admitted defeat!), people were giving us funny looks...

In the end I just left it a while, put him back in nappies and dropped the conversation. Eventually plucked up the courage to have another go at about 3.8 and - to my total surprise - it worked!

Hang on in there - you will get there.

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