Advice please! Almost 4 and wont go to the toilet

[RandomUsername]

Can somebody please give me some advice?

My son will be 4 next month, and although he is dry through the day he WILL NOT go for a poo on the toilet. He's still in nappys at night because he isnt dry through the night, so he waits until night time when he has a nappy on THEN has a poo in his nappy.

Ive tried just not putting a nappy on him, but he just had accidents in bed.

Ive tried sitting him on the toilet before bed time, but he just wont poo, put him to bed and within 15 minutes he's had one.

Since i started toilet training him he's poo's in the toilet maybe 5 times, i made a huge fuss of him, gave him a treat, so as to encourage him - nope, he just stop's going.

The last time he poo'd on the toilet was about 2 months ago, he wasnt feeling too good and HAD to go because he couldnt hold it. He hasnt gone since.

Should i try not putting nappies on at night again? thing is, he will just poo in his undies and he doesnt seem to care.

Im at my wits end about it :(

[RandomUsername]

Nobody???

[Crazyx4]

Hi. No useful advice as having same problem. ds2 is 3.10 and is not remotely interested. Won't do wees or poos in toilet or potty and is quite happy to have a full nappy, won't even tell me he is dirty. He has 3 older siblings who were all sorted by this age & I haven't done anything differently. Now just taking the view that I'm not bothered so long as he is clean before he starts school next year. So no advice but lots of sympathy.

[LBsBongers]

Sounds like he has developed a huge fear of the toilet, would be refuse to use a potty?

[Mollydoggerson]

My ds2 is 3 yrs and 3 months and has to be reminded and bribed to go to the toilet, so I know how annoying it is.

What I find helps a little is I let him come to the bathroom with me, and I explain in detail what's going on. Mammy's pushing out a poo now...(sorry gross I know), he is intrigued and wants to check and flush the toilet. This process normalises it.

Your ds might be afraid of the plop sound or feeling of water splashing or not being able to see what he is doing. I'ld just keep on going with him, it willl eventually work itself out, but maybe also destress the whole thing as much as possible.

[RandomUsername]

I just dont know what to do with him, i do take him to the toilet with me when i go, but he's not interested, he has no fear going to the toilet for a wee so i dont know whats scaring him about pooing on there, unless like Molly said its the plop noise or the water splashing up.

Its so frustrating :(

[FengHuang]

Similar problem here.
Our 4yr old girl will only go for a wee once before she goes to school and once at bath time. Trying to get her to do one during the day is worse than getting blood out of a stone.
She did ok during the holidays, and we even tried not putting a pull-up on her at night for a week. It didn't work so we're back to pull-ups at night.
The biggest problem we have is that during the day she refuses to go to the loo, says she doesn't need to, and at some point not long after will have wet knickers. Which irritates her eczema. So one accident turns into days of nappy rash.
We've tried gold stars, reading stories in the bathroom, offers of chocolate, and they've only worked sprorqdically. Then she'll have accidents again, which isn't the worst thing in the world, but she then denies it, which is far worse.
We don't scold her for it, but we can't get her to understand.
I'm pretty much at my wits end.

[ProudNeathGirl]

As one who's been through it, I'd say that they will use the toilet when they are ready. You never see a ten year old in nappies, do you!
Peer pressure works wonders. Have they seen kids their own age using a toilet?

[Pancakeflipper]

Hello OP, I have a 4 yr old who will not poo in loo. You have my sympathy.
I am finding it upsetting at the moment as run out tactics to try.

He's a bright kid, had some gastric issues since being born which I think is part of the issue.
I spoke to a HV this week and they sending me some info with new tactics to try. I keep hoping its just a phase but it's not a fun one.

[RikersBeard]

Have you tried poo goes to pooland (free download book)? My DS was a bit younger but I have heard it recommended for older children too. We read it while he was on the loo, so he was sitting there relaxed for a while.