The stress of potty training a 3 year old who doesn't want to

[perceptionreality]

What I would like to know is:

Do the musical potties / training dolls help? Or are they a waste of time?

Are potty chairs better?

Do children just decide to do it on their own or do you need to insist on having a good go at it?

I have tried having knickers on and off and taking dd to the potty every half hour or so. The problem is that she won't sit on!

[threeleftfeet]

Out of desperation, we resorted to bribery with chocolate with our very reluctant 3.3 yo. Sorry I'm sure that's not in the parenting books but it worked!

My top bribery with chocolate tip is get those drops you decorate cakes with as you get loads in a pack, and they're quite small so you can give a few, which seems like lots but it's not actually a load of chocolate.

We only had to keept the bribery up for a few days (I was a bit scared we'd get stuck with it), then we went to stickers and then forgot about the bribery bit. That was two weeks ago.

DS is going to nursery via a 1 hour train journey in pants now :) (His nursery is in my work, we commute together! :) )

The toddler toilet seat is really helping. As did having a couple of potties.

[threeleftfeet]

Also probably not in the parenting book, but he didn't want to stay on after doing a poo, and there would inevitable be more about to come (sorry if tmi!!).

Putting the potty in front of the TV has helped with this.

Too much TV and chocolate are undoubtable bad things. But very useful tools if used occasionally IMO!

[SummerRain]

DS2 has been out of nappies for a month now.
He has done 1 pee in the toilet in that time
We've tried bribery to no avail as well as every other trick in the book but he just doesn't get it.
sometimes they just aren't ready when we'd like them to be

[perceptionreality]

Chocolate doesn't work for us - she is not hugely bothered by it :(

My problem is, getting her to stay on. So I have to find a reinforcer that will work!

[Katiebeau]

My 3 year old only agreed to bloody potty train when we did a "virtual" marble jar linked to stickers and we got her to pick her rewards from the ELC catalogue. Bit shocked she wanted the fecking bouncy castle and pool attached. And she spent 3 days on a potty watching Mr Tumble . I don't care she's perfect now.

[perceptionreality]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I am not sure whether to leave it until she feels happy to do it or invest a lot of money time with various gimmicks etc.

Certain people always feel the need to stress me about it as well. Like my bf whose friends all got their children toilet trained at 2 because they taught them what to do (and I don't apparently)!! The children I see who were trained early, ie before 2 look quite physically mature - one of them is tall and already rides a bike with stabilisers!! (is not quite 3!)

[whomovedmychocolate]

I have a DS who is in the same boat and he's nearly four

DD has only just got properly dry (5.6) and we got her there by paying her 10p for every pee in the right place! She made £10 and then actually got it. But DS just is not interested. We have tried all sorts of potties and potty training seats, different loos etc. He just says 'I'll do it when I'm five'

[perceptionreality]

I think the problem is that nappies are so comfortable some kids just think well what's the point in not having them? They feel no wet. Ironically my oldest dd with autism was the easiest of the three to train. Dd2 did not want to do it. She resented her games being disrupted to have to get up and go to the loo! She was in pull ups at night til reception! I'm not exactly an expert!

[perceptionreality]

Maybe the best thing is to wait until they don't want to wear nappies any more?

I asked her if she wanted to try going on a special toilet seat and she said no and looked very worried!

[Whirliwig72]

We are struggling with our three year old ATM we had a particularly gruesome challenge to deal with today that I've posted about elsewhere. He understands what's required but only performs if placed on the potty or loo at roughly the right time otherwise it's a guaranteed accident. Actually saying that he did once (and only once) poo in the potty without even being asked so there is light at the end of this tunnel I guess!

For me potty training is like the seven circles of hell: I hate all of it - the mounds of washing, the cleaning, the dealing with poo-ey pants, the constant badgering required, trying to fit training around the needs of other children, treading in puddles in your socks or bare feet, worrying if we'll get our deposit back (rented house / cream carpets). I'll be so glad when it's done and dusted. This is the worst part of parenting so far for me tbh.

[duchesse]

Urgh, potty-training, bane of my life. Have actually put DD3 (2.7) back in pull up nappies at the moment as just so sick of the washing, mopping etc.. and kept running out of pants and trousers although she has about 2 dozen of each. She pees every 20mn (sometimes every 10) and rarely makes it to the potty in time, so for every wee, a clean pair of pants was required. She is my 4th child and it's been hideous every time. I have no advice, only sympathy.

[perceptionreality]

It's one of those things where other people put a lot of pressure on. It irritates me the way some people think parenting is a race. My mum said just leave her. If I press her to do it the result will be my living room carpet stinking of wee.

[Pumpkinsandpickles]

I'm currently trying it with DD2 who is 2.5. She seemed ever so ready at about 21 months but we were going away so didn't bother - regretting it now though. She is excited about wearing big girls pants but reluctant to sit on the potty as often as I want her to ! We have had some success so trying to persevere but I'm not enjoying it!!