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At my wits end

(2 Posts)
mrsfourzero Mon 10-Oct-11 15:54:34

My daughter is 3 years old. We tried to potty train every now and then after she turned 2 as I was pregnant and keen to only have one set of nappies in the house. It wasn't happening so we stopped pushing it.
Then in February 2011 she decided one day that she wanted to wear knickers and within 3 days she had cracked it (however she was still wearing pull ups at night).
She was brilliant for about 2 months then as the arrival of number 2 got closer she started to have accidents (I think she found it unsettling to be constantly told there is a baby coming soon but she had no concept of what that meant). Things did improve after her sister arrived. However things have been unsettled for her again as her Daddy has gone away for 6 months and she has started preschool and she has started to have accidents again, which I can appreciate to some extent.
Nothing seems to motivate her to get to the toilet in time, not stickers on a reward chart or treats when she is successful, these things may work for a day or two and then the novelty wears off. I have got angry with her at times and she just seems to have more (I feel it is almost out of spite or because she is getting attention, albeit negative attention). I have tried not saying anything or just saying "better luck next time" but again we don't seem to be making any difference.
She is a very determined young lady and quite often will not go to the toilet when I ask her to. I can't drag her kicking and screaming!
If anyone has got any advice or tips then please pass them on as I am starting to really get upset about it. Some days I don't want to go out or go to peoples houses because of having to take the extra clothes and in case I get caught out! Please help!!

whomovedmychocolate Mon 10-Oct-11 19:33:25

My advice would be this: how you react determines how often it happens.

My DD is nearly five and still has accidents. She does not like going to the toilet and she hates being asked 'do you need a wee'.

I have shouted, I have withdrawn toys, I have made her clear up the mess. None of that worked.

What did work was very calmly saying 'go change then and put your wet things in the washing basket.'

And that is all.

I now have incontinence mats on the sofas under some very nice throws in case of accidents, I always carry spare trousers in the car and I expect to have an accident a week. That way I'm not caught out and I know I can be ready for it because actually then you can deal with it rationally.

The thing to remember is she is not doing this deliberately or because she's lazy - she is engrossed in things and forgets, or thinks she has more time than she does before she actually has to go.

But a calm approach does help a lot - if nothing else it stops an event that no-one can control from upping your stress smile

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