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Ok, he WILL NOT poo on the loo. He is four and a half.

(9 Posts)
HumphreyCobbler Tue 13-Sep-11 19:01:55

We have tried
gentle persuasion
ignoring
peer pressure (just telling him about all his friends etc)
getting cross (unfortunate, generally we have tried to be calm)
bribery (from chocolates to a shiny red bike)
poo goes to pooland (my poos go to nappyland).

nothing has worked. If we refuse to give him a nappy he just doesn't poo. This lasted for four days! This was Tanya Byron's advice that I read in the paper - she says it is about control. I don't think it is with DS, he is scared of pooing in the loo. He will sit on it but makes no attempt to poo. He would never poo anywhere other than home. His level of control makes me fear that if we were to withhold nappies then he would just end up terribly constipated.

has anyone else been in this situation with a child of this age? I have started training DD and the thought of buying nappies for DS alone depresses the hell out of me. I worry he will be laughed at if people find out at school.

fruitshootsandheaves Tue 13-Sep-11 19:08:24

My DS was like this. He would only poo in a potty.
He eventually went once in the loo when we were out and he was desperate, (and then announced in a loud voice to everyone watching swimming lessons. 'I've done a poo on the toilet can i have a lollipop now!')

Try not to stress about it, leave it a few days and then try again. Do you have a toddler seat for the loo? May be he has a fear of falling in and getting flushed away!

HumphreyCobbler Tue 13-Sep-11 19:13:02

We have a toddler seat. How old was your son? DS has never got desperate for a poo in his life, this seems to be part of the problem.

He says he is scared but we can't find out exactly what. I think it may be the sensation of the poo falling as he insists on having trousers on as well as a nappy.

Thanks for answering, it is helpful to know we are not the only ones..

HumphreyCobbler Tue 13-Sep-11 19:14:30

we have tried not to stress about it mostly (along with brief periods of trying to sort it out) and this has resulted in starting school still in this situation sad

YougreatPamplemousse Tue 13-Sep-11 19:39:53

Have you tried sitting him on the loo in his nappy to poo. Let him have the nappy to see if the fear is the loo or the lack of nappy. We had a long drawn out process with a boy I worked with first getting him onto the loo then making a hole in the nappy which progressively got bigger until it was the waist band and tabs, then one day he realised there was nothing there and never looked back.

beatofthedrum Tue 13-Sep-11 19:44:50

I'm sorry to hear you're in this situation but also comforted as my 3.8yr old dd is exactly the same. I've tried your tactics too to no avail. She will sit on a potty with nappy on but I tried cutting a hole in the nappy as the next step and she was so traumatised that she didn't go for 4 days afterwards. She has bowels of steel, never had any accidents! I'm just like you, determined to avoid constipation. No answers, but I feel your pain!

HumphreyCobbler Tue 13-Sep-11 22:14:56

I will try the sitting on the loo with nappy again - he has always refused to try to do this before but I feel it is worth another go as I had not considered putting a hole in the nappy. Thanks for that idea.

grin at bowels of steel. That sums it up.

dontforget2scream Mon 03-Oct-11 13:55:38

Just a few words of encouragement really. My DD (5 in December) found the courage to finally poo on the toilet last Wednesday! We even had a special cake at the weekend to celebrate saying goodbye to nappies.

She had been happily weeing on the toilet since she was 2, but poos were a completely different story. They always had to be in a nappy. We tried every strategy going but nothing made a difference. About six months ago she started pooing on the toilet but still wearing a nappy, but then progress stopped again.

Sometimes she used to say that she felt scared to poo on the toilet but didn't know why; or that there was a reason why she shouldn't, but she just couldn't remember it.

Things came to a head on Wednesday when she was at school and developed a slightly upset tummy and had no option but to poo on the toilet or have an accident (school do hold nappies for her, but she didn't want to ask).

Everyone says, "be patient, they'll do it when they are ready," but there were times I really lost heart and could never see an end to it.

Hang in there!!! It will happen for your DC. In fact, I can't believe I'm typing this but I actually felt a strange pang of sadness taking her nappies out of the bathroom.

dontforget2scream Mon 03-Oct-11 14:12:30

HumphreyCobbler - my health visitor told me lots of children make progress with toilet-training issues in the first few terms of starting school because they start to see themselves as more grown-up etc. Her comment certainly seems to have been true in DD's case.

Interestingly my DD has always had mixed feelings about growing up; telling her something was for "big girls" never impressed her at all. However, her class has been doing a project on "how they were as babies and how they have changed" and this has had a very positive impact on her.

I'm not sure if you have spoken to DS's school about his toileting situation or not? It's a tricky decision but I did speak to DD's.

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