Help! Stubborn 3yo refusing to potty train

[Piffpaffpoff]

Title says it all really. DD has just turned 3 and will not even entertain the idea of peeing in a potty or toilet. I can get her to sit on a potty (this in itself is progress from a few months ago) but she will not pee. She waits til she's off the potty and then just goes in her pants. She refuses to talk about it and if we try to talk about toilets, potties or her not wearing nappies she just refuses to engage, either putting her hands over her ears or over our mouths to stop us speaking. I have tried bribing her to do it but she us digging her heels in, big-style. We've also tried a variety of books, which she loves reading but refuses to copy. Just to be clear, we've tried all of these things over the course of the last few months, but we're not on her case about it all day every day!

I've been relatively relaxed about it up until now but since she turned three I really feel that she's old enough to do it and should be trained by now. Has anyone got any other suggestions about how to get such a potty-refuser to give it a go? Thanks!

[Sophrosyne1]

Wow! I could have written this myself, I'm having exactly the same problem. My 3 y/o DD screams when I put her on the potty, insists she doesn't need to go and then wets herself (sometimes sitting in the floor next to the potty). We've tried praise, rewards, etc and she is capable of doing it she is just choosing not to. I'm thoroughly fed up, there are wet patches everywhere and we are making absolutely no progress!

[Piffpaffpoff]

I'm so glad it's not just me then. Perhaps we can update each other on any small successes we have, for example tonight we got DD to sit on her potty for a while after her bath. We have a vague hope that if we can get her to sit on it for a while each day, eventually she might just do one without thinking about it?!!

[pottytraininghell]

Just started a thread on this. I'm having a similar nightmare. DD will sit for ages, tells me she needs to go, and then does nothing. She'll then walk into the lounge and pee all over the floor.

Trying to not get uptight, but this is our 3rd attempt....

[Sophrosyne1]

Not much progress to report although DD has done a few wees in the potty at nursery. Think it must be because everyone else has to sit on the pot too. We have really praised her for managing this but still going anywhere but in the pot while at home.

[gregssausageroll]

I have the same issues with DS.

[Piffpaffpoff]

Still no potty action here, but she will now let us talk about it to her. That is progress!

[happywheezer]

Can I join in too. DS has just turned 3 and has a new BB. Will sit on the Potty or toilet, will go sometimes, but often just wees on his pants generally on the floor! I'm thinking it might be attention seeking now even though he has lots of attention even though he has a 4 month BB!

[Solola]

This is exactly my situation too so happy to join this thread! DS2 just turned three last week, this is our 3rd attempt (1st day of) and he just weed on the floor next to the toilet, through his pants! Why?

He will sit on toilet and do a wee when I take him. But he will also happily do a wee at any other time or place. Have been setting a timer today which sounds every half hour and I take him to toilet every time it sounds. We have still managed to get through 8 pairs of pants today and no poo!

Trying hard not to compare him to DS1 who did it no problem at 2.5yrs.

I decided to press on until Monday and if no improvement will give it up again for another couple of months. Preschool tomorrow so will see how he gets on there.

[housemum]

Joining in here, hoping someone comes on who's got through to the other side! DD3 is 3.5 years old, we have been and bought special stickers and she has chosen knickers - she is quite happy that she will have Peppa Pig knickers when she does all her wees and poos in the toilet. She's happy with the toilet, no issues about flushing (that and hand washing are the only bits she likes). She just will not perform unless I catch the right moment ie when she can't help but let go. Thought I'd cracked it yesterday, visited the loo once an hour, after her first successful wee in the morning I let her have actual knickers (was using towelling training pants), another successful (albeit small) wee in the afternoon, then half an hour before bedtime an absolute deluge over the floor.

Although I am impressed with her pelvic floor control, I just want to get this stage over and done with. Preschool have noticed the same thing, she just sits for a few seconds but holds it in, then does a huge wee in her pull-ups.

[Abecedarium]

My DD was the same. My only advice is to wait. We tried on and off from 2.6 and it was a total waste of time (and effort cleaning up wee'd on sofas, yuck!) because SHE only decided to comply with the process from 3.9. I knew it would eventually happen but it is terribly hard when eveyone else seems to have cracked it at 22 months. We tried stickers, knickers, songs, stories and frankly nothing made any difference. When it did happen we at least were able to go straight to the toilet and miss out the potty altogether, neither did we have to cart one round the shops like some people seem to. Hang in there, they will suddenly surprise you one day.

[mrsfossil]

my dd is 2.5 and has seen all her friends on potty/toilet but will not even try, so we have given up for a while. We just leave the nappy off for a while after her bath and put the potty in the lounge so she can see it. My ds was claen and dry day and night by 3 and someone told me girls were easier but can't see it some how.

[neverquitesure]

Hello - another latecomer to this thread! DS will be 3 in a few weeks and we are now on day 6 of attempt #4 (have tried every 3 months since he turned 2, each time for min of 3 days before going back to nappies). Same as the rest of you - very relaxed, low pressure approach and assumed he either wasn't ready or would do it in his own time.

Last weekend he stayed with MIL & FIL for 1 night and spent BOTH DAYS in pants doing ALL his wees and 1 poo on the toilet. No accidents and no prompting. Apparently he just declared he wanted to use their toilet, then asked for pants, then asked to be taken back to the toilet each time he needed it

Tis only now I realise this little bu**er has been playing me...

So, on Monday we commenced attempt #4 which went exactly the same way as #1, #2 and #3 with refusals to sit/stay on the potty, all wees and poos in pants etc. Then I read this en.allexperts.com/q/Pediatrics-1429/potty-training-five-year.htm and decided to give it a go. So, on Tuesday morning I announced that he was a big boy now and would be wearing big boy pants and in charge of all his own wees and poos. I reminded him where the potties and toilets are and that was that. I help him clean himself and change his clothes each time he has an accident but other than that it's a non-subject. It's been a bloody nightmare tbh with not one success and a constant stream of washing but am determined to stick with it. God only knows how it will turn out but he's desperate to start pre-school in January but can only go if he's potty trained so I want to give it a fair shot (as are part of an actual school not a day-care/nursery setting iyswim)

Will keep you updated!

[housemum]

Watching with interest to see how you go. DD3 had a day of poo-withholding yesterday, I knew she wanted to go as she was totally grouchy, kept grimacing, and occasionally would lay face down on the floor with her ankles crossed (pelvic floor & anal muscles of steel). She had to miss swimming as there was no way I wanted to risk an accident. Gave her a warm bath, and 5 mins later she actually asked to go to the loo - yes!!! But still weeing in the nappy this morning...

[letsblowthistacostand]

This was us 6 weeks ago. DD2 turned 3 in July, wouldn't even look at the potty, would sometimes wear pants but just wee'd in them without even noticing. One morning she woke up, insisted on pants and went off to nursery. And that was it. She's had maybe 3 wee accidents and those were on the way to the potty iyswim. She's well on her way to conquering poos--doesn't have poo accidents but does save it up for the nighttime nappy.

It is really frustrating to have a 3yo in nappies esp when everyone else's 2.5yo is completely dry. The flip side is that when they decide to get it, they GET it and it's over in minutes, unlike my friend who has been 'training' her 2.9yo for A YEAR. The last time they were at my house she peed on the floor 3x in 2 hours.

[tethersend]

Signing in... 2.10 yo DD will sit on toilet and occasionally potty, but has NEVER done a wee or poo in either.

She now says 'I need to go to the toilet' as/after she wees in her nappy or on the floor. Which is progress I suppose...

[neverquitesure]

Thought I'd post an update on our 'cold turkey' method for anyone who might be interested.

We started Monday last week, had 7 full days of HELL (every wee & poo in pants, no interest in potty or toilet at all) then, like a miracle, Monday morning he declared he would be using the potty (& later that day toilet) for his wees and has been dry since :-0 No prompting, just occasional help with trousers etc when asked. Yesterday (Wednesday) he declared he'd be doing all his poos in the toilet. And has. He's been completely clean & dry for 2 days now. I'm so shocked it actually worked!!! A few things that may or may not be important:

• he does not like me watching him (preferably not in the room at all) when he gets started with his wee or poo. No idea why as I've always had him in with me and he's always insisted on examining his and his little sister's dirty nappies but there you go.
  

• I occasionally reminded him where the potties and toilets are and asked him if he wanted to use the toilet before leaving the house today. Otherwise it's all entirely up to him (as per the linked method on my earlier post)
  

• looking back, I think the first few days were about teaching him what wet and dirty really feel like and getting him more tuned into his body. If you wanted a less messy way to do this I imagine you could use training pants etc for this. However, DS has a tendency to be a bit laid back (read lazy!!) about these things and so I wanted to keep it as simple as possible for him.
  

Not sure if this will help anyone else as they are all different, but hang on in there. Miracles do happen!!

[agora1]

Good to read. I'm in exactly the same position with DD 3 years 2 months. She just doesn't care. Has used the potty once in her life. The cold turkey method sounds tempting but she goes to Nursery and grandparents so not sure how practical. I know she'll get there one day but when?

[gregssausageroll]

We went to mothercare yesterday to get a gift for a friend. DS saw the potty bit so we told him he could chose one. He also picked his new pants.

Came home and he sat on it but didn't do anything.

So far everything has been in his pants but he does tell me straightaway so I hoping that this just him getting to know wet/dry.

I am just not sure what to do from tomorrow as he's in nursery as usual for 3 days and then we are off to a family wedding so I think we might have to put everything away and start again in a couple of weeks as I can't leave my cousin trying to deal with her own children and potty training DS while we are away.

[ilovesprouts]

my ds2 whos 4.9 will only wee on his potty will not poo so still in nappies ..oh by the way he has sn

[BedHog]

It's so frustrating. DS is 3.5 and will happily wear 'real pants' all day at nursery (goes 2 days a week) with virtually no accidents. He'll wear them home and then do a wee either in the park toilet on the way home (insists on standing up so we have testicles resting on the rim of the public toilet ) or in our toilet when we get home. However he then demands a nappy, and on days when he's not going to nursery he will not entertain the idea of wearing either pants or pull-ups. I've bought him pull ups with Cars characters on (his favourite film), tried star charts, bribery, reasoning, talks about being a big/clever boy etc. Nothing seems to work. He's always refused a potty and says he doesn't like our big toilet, even with a step (they have small ones at nursery). DC2 is due soon and I'm hoping more enthusiasm for the toilet might come with the big brother role, but I suspect I might be changing 2x nappies for a while yet!

[gregssausageroll]

Bedgog. DS talks about a small toilet too because as you say, at nursery they have smaller toilets.

[flamingtoaster]

You can lead a child to the potty but you cannot make him pee or poo.

I offered my DS and DD pants/potty or nappy occasionally and they were both over 3 when they chose pants. They had one accident each and that was it. It is worth waiting until you have their full co-operation. My DH was much amused by the competitive sport of potty training among my friends who were willing to put up with months of wet clothes and floors so they could say it was underway.

[Otoolie]

Soooooo glad to hear all your stories. DS 2 and 4 months wont consider potty at all. And nursery are telling me he should be potty trained by now. And be able to dress himself but that's another story. Am swinging between he will do it when he is ready and god am I not helping my son develop properly!!! Gut instinct tells me he will do it in his own good time and that if I force it he will just end up more determined not to do it and cause unnecessary issues. And I have yet to see a grown man in nappies!!! But good to hear that I am not the only one struggling with this.

[cerealqueen]

Another one here! Phew its not just us, all the kids her age I know are done and dusted (allegedly)
DD will sit on the potty after she has done a poo, with pooy nappy on and its a battle to get it off her. She will insist on putting the poo in the potty and then carrying it to the toilet, so I have a pooy nappy, bottom and potty to clean up!

She lover her new knickers, but over her nappy!

I a due DC2 in three weeks so I'm of the view that I'll just have to leave it and have 2 in nappies. I wish now I'd kept her in cloth nappies but I was having problems containing her toddler power wees in the ones we had and we went to pull ups.
I am hoping she will just announce she wants knickers and we will go cold turkey.

[cara2244]

I have a reluctant one too, at 2.9. Cereal queen, I had a baby in June and 2 in cloth isn't much fun in the early days. Looking back I should've just put DS in disposables for a few weeks.