making no progress, DD getting stressed: help!

[rhetorician]

we have not formally tried to potty train DD (2.7) and I feel that we are making a mess of it - we are trying to follow her lead, e.g. she says she wants to wear knickers and sit on toilet - but she never actually manages to do anything. She seems to think that sitting on the toilet IS doing a wee ('no, I don't need to, I've already done a wee'); she will pee on the floor or in her pants, but can't seem to make the connection between this and the toilet. After a couple of hours of this the only option seems to be to put her back in a nappy.

What should we do? she doesn't want to be in nappies, but isn't toilet trained. She's not the kind of child I think you can push, either. We are expecting DD2 in December and ideally she'd be trained by then.

I don't really know how you do it - she's our first, and there's only one other child in the family (who was largely trained at nursery). I'm frustrated too, as I can't work out how to help her make the connection between actually weeing (as opposed the idea of of it) and the toilet/potty.

aaargh!

[MummyNic]

Similar situation here. Except DS refuses to sit on the potty. He had 1 go on it and did a poo. I gave lots of praise (he's seen his poo before as have shown him it regulalry in his nappy) but he has refused the potty completely now.

Hid potty and all training stuff a couple of months ago. Nursery says he's occasionally using theirs so... I'm going to sit it in the lounge on a 'special towel' and leave it until he decides to use it. I will be using pull ups to help him.
Really thought I'd be able to do the GF 1 week training but if he won't even sit on the blooming thing then I can't shove him in pants.

Good luck - I'll update you if I have any success. My DS is 3 in Nov :(

[rhetorician]

sympathies; we are just backing off for now. But she did a poo in the toilet this morning, so assume she will get there in the end. Nightmare, isn't it?

[christmasmum]

I'd say stick with it for longer than a few hours and expect several accidents - don't just give up because of a few wees on the floor. My DD didn't seem to realise what weeing felt like and it was only through several accidents that she finally connected the feeling with the action (iyswim). Took about a week with the first 4 days having ZERO success and the last 3 days having one tiny accident each day and since then no problems at all.

Keep the faith...

[rhetorician]

thanks christmasmum - that's my instinct, I must say. Just finding the right moment (and the strength...)

[maresedotes]

DD1 was dry through the day at 2 but DD2 was not interested at all (even though she was excited by the thought of wearing Peppa Pig knickers). I tried to potty train her 3 times before she had success at 2.9. I think most children know when they are ready and it just 'happens'. If I hadn't had DD1 I would have been frustrated with DD2 but I knew she wasn't 'getting' it. I am also not a believer that things have to happen at a certain age.

A friend's little boy was the same and was suddenly dry at 2.10 (and at night!). I think what I'm trying to say is give it a break for a couple of weeks, try not to stress and try again when you feel she may be a little more ready. Best of luck.

[bessie26]

Have you tried training pants? They're supposed to hold enough in to not make a complete mess on your carpet, but DC will actually feel wet.
I bought some, but DD1 refused to wear them back in Feb (when she first showed signs of being ready & then stalled) & when we tried again a couple of weeks ago she would only wear Peppa Pig pants.

The only reason we left such a big gap between attempts was because DD2 arrived in April, but I'm glad we did wait so long in the end as she's got the hang of it really quickly.

[rhetorician]

bessie26 - yes, she likes them because they have princesses on them ; really, I think she'll get it in a flash when she is ready, so we'll leave it a month and then go for it, I think. DD2 is due early December which might muck things up - at least on the basis of the experiences of people on here

[Ripeberry]

Leave it for a while and try again in a few weeks. In the meantime try and find some peers that she can see using the potty and then maybe she will want to try it all by herself.
The more you push, the more it becomes a battle of wills or the child ends up feeling useless

[rhetorician]

ripeberry you are completely right, and really, there is no great hurry. And I don't want her to feel useless. Ever.

[Katiebeau]

Thank you rheorician for starting this thread. I am stressing so much that my DD (just 2.6) is not potty trained. All her friends were by 2.3 and some of the mums have actually told me "she just lazy" or "the HV said my DD was a genius for been training so early".

We are constantly on alert for learning difficulties as we have poor results in the 20 week scan for the ventricles in her brain and someone suggested perhaps this was why she was so very behind (her speech, reasoning, memory and motor skills etc are all fabulous so no worries there).

From what you lovely ladies have written can I assume she just isn't ready then? We tried with pants for 4 weeks but she was just so stressed I had to stop. Also to be honest she is very laid back (stroppy to happy in 10 seconds kind of girl at the moment, no big tantrums) and she really doesn't mind having wet/dirty nappies.

Frustratingly she does use the potty at nursery when a kid starts training, shows them what to do and then stops!!

[soupmaker]

My DD is 3.8 and has been in training since she was 2.9, when she decided she no longer wanted to wear pull-ups/nappies. We still have almost daily wee accidents, following her almost getting it for quite a while. Please ignore all the pressure from other mums smug bitches, they are just lucky to kids who got it quickly and easily, nothing to do with good parenting or their kid being a genius.