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training a stubborn 2.5 year old!

(19 Posts)
GingerbreadGiraffe Fri 26-Aug-11 14:10:56


Please can someone help with my dilema.

My 2.5yr old is stubborn and independent to say the least. Everything has to be her way (or so she thinkgs) and is refusing to sit on potty or loo (special seat).

She wont have a nappy off and wander about, she just asked for it back on.

She seems to love nappies. She has had washables for the most part but I've been a bit slack with this recently and she has been on disposables and choosign the picture on them seems to be a great novelty hmm

So do I have a proper chat with her and really insist that she try the potty, take away the nappies and and see what happens or wait til she says she wants to.

I can see merit with both methods. Potential downside with the insisting route is that she may get upset more bloodyminded and then set herself back further.

She knows when she is weeing/ done a poo or doing one. She just isnt that fussed about the feeling of it. Never has been.

What is the right thing do with a stubborn child!!??


slp123 Fri 26-Aug-11 14:30:40

Hi I don't have any advice,sorry, but just wanted to say my DD (2.4) is exactly the same. She knows when she wants to go and has randomly taken herself to bathroom, taken nappy off, sat on potty, done what she needed to without either my husband or myself having any involvement. However, this is always on her terms and should we suggest she sits on potty etc she will have none of it. We were giving her stickers when she sat on etc but they seem to have lost their appeal. We aren't in any real hurry to train her and so have backed off but I do feel pressure from friends with similar age children who are training/trained. I am thinking we will give it a couple of weeks and try with it again but who knows. Our DD has always done things in her own time if you see what I mean so she may just surprise us and wake up one day soon and decide that's it.
Sorry for the ramble but will be interested to see what advice people offer. smile

hillyhilly Fri 26-Aug-11 14:33:18

Maybe pullups would give her the independence to decide for herself?

GingerbreadGiraffe Fri 26-Aug-11 14:33:30

thanks slp. Situation does sound similar. My DD has also done stuff in her own time. Including crawling, walking (although not that late in the end) so we should be patient.

You are right about the pressure from others. I am really feeling it!

GingerbreadGiraffe Fri 26-Aug-11 14:35:25

thanks hilly

I've been a bit against the principle of pullups as I believe in all or nothing but maybe its worth go....

MegBusset Fri 26-Aug-11 14:36:44

I would leave it six months and try again, what's the rush? DS1 trained at 3.2, got it straight away. Or resign yourself to weeks of hassle...

Kayzr Fri 26-Aug-11 14:51:00

I agree with Meg on this. Ds1 was also 3.2yo when he learnt and no amount of trying to get him to use the potty before this worked. DS2 is turning out to be exactly the same.

Moosy Fri 26-Aug-11 18:48:38

You can lead a child to potty but you can't make it wee grin

I have a stubborn wee-refuser, she's now 4.6, about to start school and still having accidents most days. I dragged her out of nappies at 2.4 and it's been a battle ever since. Looking back I wonder if I should have left her to her own devices a bit more but then I think she'd probably still be in nappies now given the choice (she is at night). I don't know that there is a right or wrong time to do it, maybe leave it a week or two and try again, maybe she'll be more keen then?

SESthebrave Fri 26-Aug-11 21:09:34

When to do this is a really hard decision IMO.

DS is almost making it easy for me at the moment though by so obviously not wanting to do it. Even changing his nappy is still a struggle as it seems he just doesn't want to waste time he could be playing, having his nappy changed.
As a result I'm just sticking with the nappies for now and think I'll wait until he starts to get frustrated with nappies himself (hoping that will happen!)
I'm living in denial / hope that he'll make it obvious when he's ready and then we'll tackle it in a week or two instead of dragging it out.

Like you, I have plenty of friends with similar aged children who are already trained or semi-trained but I know it would be more hassle than it's worth to tackle this with DS at the moment. If he gets to 3yo, I may change my mind!

yellowsubmarine41 Fri 26-Aug-11 21:17:24

I agree with the 'leave it for a while' brigade.

My dd used to hold on for AGES at that age if I left her nappy off and constantly ask for one, in which she immediately did a wee.

It had the potential to drive me slightly bonkers, so I just decided that it was her body and I wouldn't try to force feed her so why force pee her, for want of a better expression.

When she finally decided she wanted to use the potty at 2.10, she did it in a day. Hardly any accidents and no need to carry a portable potty around (she'd built up some seriously strong bladder muscles with all that holding on!). She was out of nappies at night a couple of months later.

I know it seems otherwise, but 2.5 is actually quite young to be out of nappies; many kids who are 'potty trained' at that age get through about 3 pair of trousers a day!

Kayzr Sat 27-Aug-11 10:10:27

One thing I do with DS2 is get the potty every time I change his nappy. Then I ask him if he wants to sit on it. He's under no pressure to do anything but it's there if he wants too.

ironingisboring Sun 28-Aug-11 11:08:42

I am with you on the frustration - my DD is nearly 3 and we thought she had mastered potty/toilet training earlier this year but she has gone completely backwards and is now in pull ups and doing wees and poos! She is bloody minded sometimes and has her "own ways" of wanting to do things and it seems just a battle. I have resigned myself to trying to keep calm and just talking to her and not making a big deal - however, I am tempted to try the trainer pants - wondered if anyone else had tried these (my thinking is that if they are more uncomfortable when she has done the deed in them, it might "encourage" her to go to the loo (or the potty) and we can get back into good habits. By the way, there are also other behaviours I get concerned about ie. she eats her dinner but only half and then I have to feed her - just wondered if I should be concerned about this as I am worried she probably gets her own way and won't be able to do her own thing when she gets to school. We try to set a good example for her and encourage her (even her 7 year old brother tries with her!!).

Would like to try the book poo goes to pooland but all the links I have looked at in previous threads don't work anymore.

tinkbig Sun 28-Aug-11 11:42:22

my dd2 is stubborn too
need to start potty training her soon as starting nursery in jan

GingerbreadGiraffe Sun 28-Aug-11 15:12:08

thanks everyone for your suggestions.

Despite the suggestions to leave it for a bit. I thought I'd try her with a quick chat and if that didnt go well we'd leave it. Went better than expected.

She kept nappy off for good 1.5hrs and got on and off potty. No accidents but nothing on potty either. Tried again today as she was keen. This time with pants. Nothing produced on floor or in potty but she has got idea of pulling pants up and down.

Will keep with this gentle approach til she actually does somthing.

It really was the first time she didn't react badly to idea. !

SeaShellsInTheMoonlight Sun 28-Aug-11 15:18:18

My very stubborn Ds potty trained himself at 2.5. He refused all my efforts until one day he walked past the potty, stopped, said "toilet" sat on it and peed hmm

He was in pull ups as nappy changing was hell, and he was at nursery 2 am a week which may have helped.

He was out of nappies at night within 6 weeks.

Moral of story? Wait a bit and try again! Good luck smile

Moosy Sun 28-Aug-11 18:20:34

Ah she must've heard us talking about her! Well done DD smile
Don't be disheartened if she goes back a step when the novelty wears off but that's a really good start smile DD3 (1.7) will sit on the potty and say "wreeeeee" but nothing comes out, patience, patience...

ironingisboring Sun 28-Aug-11 18:24:27

My DD has used the loo successfully (has seat and step) and was happy to go on her own for the most part, and also has a potty which she has used. Just gone completely backwards!! Anyone tried the training pants??

Diege Mon 29-Aug-11 11:17:28

<waves> GING, I forget, is dd at nursery? If so it might help if they're 'on board' - in fact they offered to 'do it for us' with dd2 and they cracked it in a week blush. Failing that, I would also leave it for a few months or so, although from your last post it looks like things might be progressing! Best of luck x

GingerbreadGiraffe Tue 30-Aug-11 10:28:49

Thanks everyone- Hello to those I "know" smile

Tried again on Monday and she is happy to put on the pants and sit on potty but did get a bit worked up after a while but as it coincided with nap time, she got a nappy on. So I kind of suspect she is happy until she actually wants to wee.

But she has bladder of a camel and can go a couple of hours without accident so I dont think control is an issue.

Will keep at it.

I am also curious about washable training pants. Would prefer those to pull ups- not sure why though.

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