Toilet trained 3 yo wets all the time and wants to wear nappies - at wits end!?!

[tracywifey]

My dd has development delay (only ~6mo delay) so we put off toilet training til she was 3. Went really well - hardly any accidents, dry within a week. BUT for the last month (maybe more) she has had an accident EVERY wee. She has control as she is dry at night (and can hold for a good hour once she's awake). BUT she does enough wee to wet her pants / trousers and doesn't mention it (normally I notice when I pick her up and get a wet side - nice!). The she'll go when I ask her to, do a big wee and then have to get changed. Tried to make no fuss (she's even sat on the loo and started to say "oh dear my pants are wet"). Tried a sticker chart but she has only had one non-accident in weeks so it's really hard to reward her. Tried not to keep saying "do you need a wee?". Tried different amounts of fluids - just reduces / increases the number of accidents. Now we've got through 12 pairs of trousers in 3 days I give in! I have 2 older ones who potty trained fine around 2-2.5yrs (so the total washing is more than I can cope with). She loves her Peppa Pig pants, but today I said "you want to wear pants like ... (lists friends / sister etc)" and she declared she wants to wear a nappy and she wants to wee in it. Just (foolishly) put one on her and about 30 mins later she said she needed a wee - I asked her to go to the toilet but she wandered around a bit, then did it in her nappy. I don't want to start threatening / punishing her for not going to the loo when she knows she needs to and make a big issue but I don't know what else to do?

I know there are phases - 2 steps forward and one back - but this has gone on for many weeks!

Any advice anyone? (Oh and don't ask me consult my HV for fear of totally pushing me over the edge :-)) Thanks!

[notcitrus]

I'm no expert (I wish! ds is semi-trained atm, 2.11), but just read the Elizabeth Pantley No-Cry Potty book that I was given, and it said that a) regression is normal and 'establishing' potty habits can take 3 months to a year(!)
and also while most children want to be 'grown-up' like their friends etc, others (like ds...) want reassurance that they can still be a 'baby' and don't have to grow up, so allow them dummies and extra cuddles etc at this time.

It convinced me that ds is normal (if a stubborn git who would like to be waited on hand and foot forever...) and that I'm doing the right thing letting him have his dummy which he's just decided to use almost all the time (only ever for naps before), carry his blanket around (ditto), and he wants cuddles all the time (partly so it feels a bit like a nice nappy so he then pees... lovely... that's a bit trickier!)

Hope some of that might help?

[tracywifey]

Ha ha. I know exactly that feeling! Wants a cuddle and then you get that horrible warm feeling on your lap :-)

Glad I'm not the only one - thanks for your help - will look up the book as it sounds very like dd.

[alittlebitshy]

notcitrus I have just ordered that book! Thanks for the heads up.

My ds is just 3 and we are on day 7. Very mixed but i feel me may be getting somewhere as he is asking and running for the potty/toilet today and although we had one accident - the rest is so much better and less nagging from me as when i ask him he is not just say no out of crossness - he seems to be putting some thought into how his bladder feels.

No idea when he will stretch out time between wees but - hey!

Re the comfort things - that strikes a chord. Ds is still breast fed at bed time and at some stage i will address this but this week he has been asking for boobie in the morning too - which i dropped a few months ago. Extra comfort rules!

[notcitrus]

Glad to be of help.
We may also be getting somewhere as ds was brought home from nursery in the same pants and trousers he went in, and he then asked twice to sit on the potty, which is great progress! This counts as day 12 on his 20-day scooter chart (two days we ignored...)
I think he's constipated again though, so had better give him lactulose to make sure we don't end up with a painful problem again.

He's certainly cracked holding on for ages (ideally until he gets a nap-time or night-time nappy), and weeing/pooing in the potty, so it's 'just' getting him to do it regularly in the potty when he needs to, rather than sitting on it for half the morning demanding more books be read to him.
A friend suggested holding the stickers when he's on the potty, and reminding him that he gets one when something goes in it - direct visual reminder. It might be helping.

I just hope he remembers the 'we don't wee on Grandma. Actually, we don't wee on ANYBODY' rule next time we see my parents...