Constant HUGE accidents at Nursery

[PinkCustard]

DS is 3 and has recently started going to the preschool at our local primary for 2 half day sessions a week. He started just after Easter and so far hasn't managed to keep his pants/trousers dry for any of his sessions there. He usually wets through 2 full changes of clothes (including shoes FFS!) and just won't tell the staff there when he needs to go.

At home/out with me he rarely has accidents, and he also spends a full day with a childminder when I'm at work, and he stays dry all day with her too. If he ever does have an accident out with me, it will be a couple of drops in his pants before he tells me. He's never had accidents so badly that I've needed to change trousers,and he takes himself off to the potty/toilet without me having to ask him. I just don't understand it.

I asked the Nursery teacher about it on Monday as I was worried but she said it's really normal and lots of the kids do it when they're new etc But today I've just had a call from another worker at the Nursery (the teacher is out today) to say she's a bit worried - he's already had 2 wet accidents in the 1hr30 since I dropped him off, requiring total changes of clothes!! I'm really upset and just don't know how to get it sorted. I've been offering him a pack of stickers that he loves if he comes home with dry pants, and when I drop him off he assures me he'll ask if he needs the toilet. I've suggested they could offer him some sort of sticker incentive too, and they say they keep reminding him to go etc.

Has anyone else experienced this? I feel like they've labelled him as some sort of problem toileter now after the phonecall!!

(Sorry for long post...)

[girlywhirly]

I'm thinking he is a little bit insecure at pre-school if he is too shy to ask to go to the loo, or even just take himself without asking. Perhaps he gets very engrossed in what he's doing and leaves it too long, or maybe he just doesn't like the toilets there. The fact that he is dry for you and his childminder means it is something to do with the nursery. I appreciate they are busy, but there is a world of difference between reminding a child to go to the loo and making sure they have actually gone and done the business.

Is there any chance of his leaving and rejoining next term, when he might feel more mature and able to cope? Could you go with him to the toilet there when you arrive and ensure he does a wee before you go home, and then at least it gives him a chance? What about some sort of timer device that will remind him to go to the loo?

[PinkCustard]

Thanks for your response.

They assure me he's happy and enjoys it, but you're right he told me tonight he finds the toilets big and scary. I asked the nursery worker if they can just take him to the loo instead of just asking him if he needs to go, and this eve I asked DS if he'd be happier to use a potty from home there and he gave an emphatic yes so after half-term I'll ask if we can leave a potty there for him to use a see how we get on.

I have taken him to use the toilets there, and he apparently asked to go this aft, so hopefully we can get it sorted. They made me feel a bit crap though TBH.

[thisisyesterday]

ds2 is a bit like this
i've said to them at nursery to please MAKE him go and try, so no "do you need the toilet", to which he will just reply no... and more "come on X, toilet time" and just taking him

obviously if he was upset and very unwilling they wouldn't force him to, but generally if they tell him to go he will, where asking him doesn't work

[girlywhirly]

Ah, so it was the toilet. My neighbours' DD wouldn't use the toilets in her reception class because they were big compared to the nursery ones, so her mum bought a childs toilet seat for her to keep there and that sorted her out. After the first term she was fine without it.

They shouldn't make you feel crap. They could have found out for themselves what was the matter, if they'd spared just a few minutes.

[PinkCustard]

Thanks thisisyesterday I think I'll ask them again about just taking him regularly instead of asking him, because like you say he'll just say he doesn't need to go otherwise.

I hope they don't mind me taking a potty in, they might be a bit reluctant as obviously someone will have to clean it out, but hopefully that's preferable to stripping wet clothes off him every couple of hours..?