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Encouragement for parents of reluctant potty trainers

(64 Posts)
builder Mon 28-Feb-11 17:15:02

Just posting this because it might help people be more relaxed about their children if they are late to use a potty.

My dd2 has been very continent for months. Dry at night since before 2. Able to hang on from about 2.5. However, she was very reluctant to sit on a potty or toilet and until Sunday (aged over 3.5) she has insisted on having a nappy put on when she needs a wee or poo.

Since 3.3 she has used the little toilets at nursery and last week she was staying with a friend and used their toilet.

Finally, on Sunday she nonchalently said that she was going to use her potty.

So, having been relatively relaxed about the slow progress we've now 'got there'. It just takes courage to ignore all those who can't understand why you're humouring a small child.

carocaro Mon 28-Feb-11 20:54:57

what do you mean late to use a potty and humouring a small child? who care what anyone else thinks? to call it slow progress makes it negative when it's not

KaraStarbuckThrace Mon 28-Feb-11 21:50:17

Carocaro - you are right, it shouldn't be. But there are currently 2 threads on this board on which some posters have been unsupportive and critical of people who haven't potty trained by the age of 3.

Way to make us feel completely shit angry

I'm currently potty training DS 3.2.

JimmyTarbuck Mon 28-Feb-11 21:55:26

I have got nowhere with DD 3.2 and so thank you for this thread.

simpson Mon 28-Feb-11 22:15:16

I potty trained DD just 3 last wk and so far so good grin

For over 2mths she would wee on the toilet at her playgroup but not at home hmm

I read the other threads angry

I think there is alot to be said for waiting to potty train until they are a bit older, they seem to have fewer accidents when you do start to potty train them smile

DS now 5 was toilet trained at 2.11 (he went straight to the loo and bypassed potty totally) and he "got it" pretty quickly too grin

RachelHRD Mon 28-Feb-11 22:16:09

Thanks from me too - I haven't been able to start with DS 3.4 yet due to bowel issues and lack of interest and the criticism shown on those threads makes me very angry

KaraStarbuckThrace Tue 01-Mar-11 07:12:34

Simpson - we started on Friday, DS went to nursery yesterday, he had one accident during the day but did wee on the toilet several times, but at home he will only sit on his chair type potty, won't go on the toilet here or the little potties.
I guess it is easy at nursery as they have child sized toilets and he sees his friend use it.
He won't sit on the potty first thing in the morning either.
He also had another accident when I picked him up, despite me asking him several times if he needed the toilet (he just kept ignoring me!!).
Still it has only been 4 days!
He didn't poo at all yesterday though, so let's see what happens today!

builder Tue 01-Mar-11 10:32:39

caracaro - I was trying to be encouraging and not negative.

And - whatever you say - people do seem to expect three year olds to be out of nappies. So, you can feel discouraged if a three year old is not confirming to what is expected. And, grandparent types can imply you are humouring a child.

I am relatively relaxed and have other children, but even I can sometimes feel the pressure. (and we don't even visit the HV so have managed to avoid pressure from them).

However, if you actually find out what goes on in households, it's not so straightforward, with many children wearing nappies at night until a late age. But - this is less spoken about.

mumface Wed 02-Mar-11 10:18:17

My little boy turned 4 last week and only just started to use the toilet 2 days before his 4th birthday. been over a week now and not a single accident.
we had been trying for over a year and he just didn't care and wasn't interested. He would happily sit in a dirty nappy. Prior to this managed a few wees and had ever once pooed on the toilet or potty. People seemed shocked when I said he was in pull ups. There was talk of something being wrong with his colon, maybe we should take him to the doctors.
But something just clicked in his head when he was ready and wanted to do it he did. I was in despair, afraid he could not start big school etc, had tried everything. Rewarding, promise of toys, taking away treats.
There is hope even at age 4, it can become a battle, they can see you are upset/frustrated/annoyed. They can see it as a way of controlling you and getting a reaction, which is attention, albeit negative. When I stopped being upset and resigned to taking him to the doctors he decided he didn't want to see the doctor.

KaraStarbuckThrace Wed 02-Mar-11 10:34:36

Well I have put DS back in nappies. I think he has a tummy bug.
He also doesn't care if he has pooed or wet his pants and I let it upset me.
So we'll keep him in nappies and try again in few days.

eons26 Wed 02-Mar-11 21:05:12

My DD didn't potty train until 3.5. She was definitely ready much earlier than this but refused to use the potty or toilet.

After several exasperating attempts, we just stopped and put her in pull ups.

She just decided herself one day that she was ready - put some pants on - had a couple of accidents - but was then completely dry day and night.

I wish I'd just waited.

KaraStarbuckThrace Wed 02-Mar-11 22:47:07

Thanks Eon for the reassurance smile

He'll get there eventually!

simpson Wed 02-Mar-11 22:51:16

Kara - I think you made the right move putting him back in nappies for a bit....

Try again in a couple of months smile

Maybe get him to sit on potty while his bath is running but only if it does not stress him out....

DD did not pull down her knickers & leggings properly today so had poo all over her clothes <<nice!!>>

montylady Wed 02-Mar-11 22:52:38

I started potty training my DS at 2.6 months and he wasn't completely toilet trained until this Christmas that has just gone aged 4.2 years. I found it rather stressful to say the least but never put pressure on both myself or DS, even though I felt some people were happy to do so!

KaraStarbuckThrace Wed 02-Mar-11 22:59:11

Thanks Simpson!

Monty - yes that is exactly it, I am feeling pressured by other people but also myself - expecting DC2 in June and am worried about washing 2 x lots of nappies!!!

simpson Wed 02-Mar-11 23:00:17

kara - maybe leave it till the easter hols when the weather will be nicer <<hopefully>>

jetgirl Wed 02-Mar-11 23:07:53

This is much nicer than the other thread I ended up on! Re. night dryness, my dd wasn't dry at night until just before she turned 5, potty trained at 2.5. DS is 3.3 and still in nappies. He did stand at the toilet today, which was major! When we've tried potty training in the past, as soon as he had an accident he screamed and refused to put pants on. So I'm following his lead, and not making this distressing for either of us

KaraStarbuckThrace Thu 03-Mar-11 07:43:38

Jetgirl - yes I agree, there have some really judgy threads in here

The fact that some parents have managed to potty train at totally different ages does seem to me to suggest it is best to wait until they are ready and that there are different ages when they are ready!

I want to wait until Easter too, but DH will be able to take a few days off end of the month so we will give it another go again.

N10mum Thu 03-Mar-11 21:12:17

Kara - just thought you might like to hear that when I was potty training my DS at 2.9 he got chicken pox (which helped because we had to stay at home so really got PT sorted!) but, he then got a vomiting bug straight after and one day he told me that he didn't want to wear his big boy pants, he wanted to wear a nappy. We let him. Two days later he was happy to wear pants again. It was like he knew he had enough to deal with on those days and didn't want to have to think about doing wees and poos in a potty as well... (BTW I only started potty training him because he told us he didn't want to wear nappies any more...) Good luck!

KaraStarbuckThrace Thu 03-Mar-11 22:33:16


All these stories are very encouraging!

almosthanginginthere Mon 07-Mar-11 15:11:31

This was just the thread I needed! Up until recently, I've been v relaxed about not training yet - DS (3.5) not interested, resistant to invitations to sit on potty) and couldn't see the benefit of forcing the issue. Also, he was prem and was late with other milestones, so saw this as unsurprising.

Just got my knickers in a knot that I've been slack and should have been more proactive, as gradually the number of friends still in nappies dwindles..... The contributions above have calmed my panic no end!

KaraStarbuckThrace Mon 07-Mar-11 19:17:30

We are beginning to make progress, had DS nappy free most of the weekend except when we took him to a party and he weed and pooed on the potty!
Today not quite as successful, pooed his pants once in the morning and once after I brought him home from preschool, however at preschool he did really well - weed on the toilet and just had one small wee accident at teatime!

Gemtubbs Sat 26-Mar-11 14:38:06

My DS is 3.3 and still in nappies. We have tried a few times to potty train him, but he is not really interested. I was worried that I'd left it too late, so I'm glad to read that other parents are in the same boat. We will try again when the weather warms up and it doesn't matter so much if we make mountains of washing.

notcitrus Sat 26-Mar-11 16:02:46

lovely to see a non-judgy thread!
Ds is 2.6 and people keep asking about him 'still' being in nappies, ditto dn 2.10

Ds will tell me 'I'm busy pooing' but doesn't see why a dirty or wet nappy means he has to have a fresh one, and after a few times sitting on a potty doesn't want to. Unless he can have one like dn - an amazing throne thing with toy loo roll+flush which sings... I told him he wasn't having one of those!

Will give it a go in summer. Nursery aren't pushing it - they thought he might be ready when he was 2.0 and very verbal but soon realised he isn't. He refuses to attempt to take clothes on or off, for starters.

da55 Sat 26-Mar-11 19:37:12

thanks for that

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