I already know that this will probably make me sound like a horrible person / mum but sometimes you need to vent
I had a pretty crappy pregnancy with backache and rib pain, stupidly swollen feet / hands and constant fatigue. I was also pretty big considering I'm only 5'2 with a petite frame normally.
The birth was traumatic. I wanted a peaceful as natural as I could birth but was open to things not going completely my way. However things went really wrong for me and I ended up having medication for blood pressure, being constantly monitored, a cannula in and and an epidural (which I really didn't want even at the time) a catheter fitted which took 3 people 4 attempts to get in, a clip placed on babies head via me, samples taken from babies head via me, at least 15 internal examinations in about 12 hours, my waters broken which had meconium and ultimately an emergency c section which was my worst fear / nightmare
It's really affected me I think. My boy is now 4 weeks old and I cannot shake this feeling of him not being mine and really disliking him a lot of the time. I can't bare it when he cries and for some reason it just makes me feel so angry at him (I would never hurt him obviously) I feel no form of motherly instinct, and I would have no concern for him staying the night elsewhere or someone else having him for the day. Like I wouldn't worry about him and I feel like that's not normal.
I have horrendous stretch marks which look hideous and purple, I'm still recovering from the section and obviously can't drive, nothing fits as maternity stuff is too big and my normal clothes are too small and I feel like I'm resenting my baby for all of these things.
I do love him, but I don't feel an overwhelming amount of love if that makes sense.
Please tell me it gets better or can anyone else share their experiences.
My boyfriend and I spoke about this tonight and it's really upset him with how I feel understandably and I just don't know how to fix it 😭
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Postnatal health
I don't like my baby or being a mum
56 replies
2020firsttimemum · 10/08/2020 18:43
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