Will I feel ok again?

[Dormouselike]

I know I need to buck up, sort myself out and remember how lucky I am, but I'm struggling at the moment. Six months after giving birth I feel like crawling into a hole and never seeing anyone but my baby ever again. I've never been a good-looking person but used to be able to hold my head up. Now I've got thin, receding hair, puffy skin, bags under my eyes. I used to be fit and take a lot of pleasure from exercise, but now I'm fat and saggy, exhausted, have no time and leak urine when I jog/jump anyway so it just makes me depressed. I binge eat when there's nobody looking (which is often). No clothes look nice on me, I've always been rubbish at hair and rarely have time for makeup. It's starting to affect how I interact with people - I'm just so embarrassed by how I look I don't want anyone to see me. I love my son so much and know it's shallow to be bothered by how I look but it's really getting me down. I feel sick when I see pictures of myself or look in the mirror. Can someone please tell me it can get better?

[Betty74]

Oh bless you!
Don’t be so hard on yourself!
I’ve never considered myself beautiful or attractive but like you, I felt worse after having baby. Make up, hair styles, fashion etc. have never been my thing but when I hit a low I started working out, started having little pamper, painting nails, bought good skin care products, all as little pick me ups. Sometimes you just need to take that step even if you don’t want to, do what makes you feel good and try new things xx

[theboud]

It absolutely does get better. At 6 months all of your energy and time has gone into your baby and none into you. I felt wrecked at 6 months.

But as they get bigger is all gets a little easier. For the first 6-12 months I felt like the ‘old’ me had just disappeared and been replaced by a knackered, stressed version but slowly it gets better and you start to get yourself back.

Be kind to yourself, it’s hard.

[Dormouselike]

Thank you, it's good to know other people have been there too. I don't want to wish this time away but it would be nice to feel a little bit like myself again. Had my hair cut a couple of days ago though which has helped a little bit with the bald patches!

[daughterofanarchy]

Currently in pretty much the same boat OP. Have no idea where to even start feeling like myself again, the lack of time is a big factor as well as my battle with PND. I feel ashamed and embarrassed of the way I look. I’m driving my other half away deliberately as well because I can’t face him When I feel so disgusted with how i look. So I pick an argument and it’s like I’m almost goading him to leave me. (We have other real issues too some of which are down to him and some Down to me)
I hope you feel better soon, as I hope all of us will some day

[whitsunfells]

Feeling a bit like this just now too. I've never been much into my looks but God I look like shit just now. I think for the first 6 months I didn't have time/energy to notice it but today I saw a video of me with my gorgeous baby on my knee and it's awful. HOWEVER. This is my 2nd baby, so I've been here before. It does get better. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I'm going to make teeny tiny changes to help get me looking less dire. I've started straightening my hair (short hair so doesn't take long, it's mainly the thought of it). Next step is putting a touch of tinted moisturiser on in the morning. I'm up so freakin' early I should have time for it! I'm also trying to get some nice new clothes here and there but it's difficult to get the time to shop. Slowly we'll get there. Tbh I think us ladies are usually our own toughest critics. But I really do look like shit 🤦‍♀️

[whitsunfells]

Do you follow The Unmumsy Mum? She has helped me accept the grimness but also the beauty of post-birth bodies. Our bodies have done/are doing some amazing stuff - mine will never be the same again but every time I see my tummy I'll be able to remember how bloody awesome it truly is. It made my gorgeous babies. So bugger it - I bloody love my c-section scar. I do need some more makeup though 🙈

[Notlostjustexploring]

I know how you feel. I think I managed "clean and dressed" at six months. I started to feel more myself when little one was one, although I cringe at how very fat I am in the photos. I had another boost at 14 months when a colleague complimented me on how I looked at the Christmas meal and I remembered that I could still be me. By 15 months sprog was sleeping better and I had the energy to take up netball and light jogging again and I felt and looked SOOOOO much better.

At 18 months I found myself knocked up again, and I have all the style and grace of a tent and a face I've borrowed from a corpse. But like a previous poster, I have perspective and know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It will take time, but I will get to feel like me again.

I will never look the same as I did pre pregnancy. In all honesty, I'm still not okay with that, but I'm hoping to accept it in time.

[Dormouselike]

@daughterofanarchy so sorry to hear you feel that way - I don't know your exact situation but it is so hard to find time to do anything isn't it? I recognise what you say about trying to push your partner away too. For some reason I often find myself goading my DH to agree with me about how shit I look/am, don't know why. I really hope things start to pick up for you

[Dormouselike]

@whitsunfells I know what you mean with the videos! I had a mini meltdown the other day after seeing lovely pictures of my friend and her baby hung on her living room wall - I'd love to do that but don't have any pictures with my son that I'd be able to look at without cringing.

Small things can help though, good tip. My haircut has made a bit of a difference - silly I know!

[Dormouselike]

@notlostjustexploring (love the name) it sounds like you have a really good perspective on things, thanks for sharing. I keep trying to remember that this time is short and I won't feel like this forever. I'm going back to work in a couple of months and although it will be really hard I'm hoping the routine will help me find some kind of 'new normal' where I feel ok about myself again.

[Polly2345]

I felt exactly like this at 6 months. DD is now nearly three and I feel so much better. Honestly it just takes time. My hair only started to recover after I stopped breast feeding (and I think it takes time even if you formula feed), I've only started finding time for exercises classes again in the last month or so. I actually found the time and a bit of money to go clothes shoppimg recently - but it took me ages to work out what sort of clothes now suit me and work for life with a small person (white tops now equal small child spilps food on them!)

[Dormouselike]

Thanks @polly2345 that's reassuring! Laughed about white tops though - it's difficult to get excited about clothes when you know they'll have sick and/or smooshed food on them within seconds of putting them on!

[TroubledLichen]

Bless you it’s such a difficult time but make sure you are taking the time to look after yourself as well as the baby. Start by making an appointment with the GP and insist on a referral to a women’s health physio, also ask about the bald patches. They’re not something you have to accept just because you had a baby. Find some low impact exercise you can do in the evenings or at the weekend when DH can watch the baby like yoga, cycling or just going for walks on your own. Or lots of gyms have crèches and you get stroller fit classes where you can take your baby along. Try to make time to shower, sort your hair and put on a bit of make up in the morning- when the baby naps or before your DH leaves for work, you’ll feel a million tones better. And buy yourself some new clothes, dark colours are your friend for baby stains. You’re so right that the small things, like a new haircut, make all the difference when you’re in that small baby fog!

[Dormouselike]

Thanks @somewhereawayfromhere - exercise would definitely help, and I'm doing it on and off, it's just time I need I think as it's difficult to work round my husband's shifts. I saw a GP about the leaking a couple of months ago and she said it was common and would get better with time and pelvic floor exercises - maybe it's time for a second visit though.