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4 days PP and despairing - please help me

(45 Posts)
pomadas87 Tue 05-Dec-17 20:38:22

I gave birth to a beautiful DD on Friday - very overdue, was induced, long labour ending in forceps with episiotomy and extended tear due to DD's size (had no idea beforehand).
I found everything very traumatic and can only liken these feelings to be being involved in a horrible car accident. I feel really stunned and in the most horrible pain.

We've been at home a few days and my wound is healing apparently but the pain is completely unbearable and to much for me - the prescribed pain killers aren't touching it. I can't sit down at all, only lie on my left side. So all feeding DD is done in bed and I eat my meals standing up.

I just don't know how this will ever get better. The midwife checked the wound today and said it's healing but it's severe and will take quite a while. She said to avoid walking and lie down as much as possible.

I feel I'm missing out bonding with my daughter and I'm becoming despairing and depressed and I hate everything about this at the moment.

Does anyone have any postpartum care advice or similar experiences? I can manage a tea tree oil bath daily but it provides short relief from the pain tbh.

Please tell me things will get better.

MyBrilliantDisguise Tue 05-Dec-17 20:43:00

Oh you poor thing. I had a similar experience and you're right, it's a terrible shock to your body.

I think you need to speak to your GP. It's so frustrating that you've been let out of hospital so quickly. I was in for 7 nights and that was standard then for forceps and a 3rd degree tear.

Is this your first baby? I found days 3 and 4 the worst for feeling awful emotionally - I cried the whole time. That together with being unable to sit down must be really awful. Can you phone Out of Hours or call the hospital ward? You need to know whether how you feel is 'normal' or whether you have an infection or something like that.

Is your husband off work with you? Do you have plenty of support?

INeedNewShoes Tue 05-Dec-17 20:43:45

Sorry you've had such a tough time.

I can't help re the physical recovery but please don't feel that you're missing out on bonding with DD. I'm sure you are really and because a lot of new mums have things to deal with post birth I think a lot of us feel that there's been an impact on bonding when in reality there is still plenty of time to do that.

I would suggest though asking your GP for a referral for therapy to help you come to terms with the birth. Because it was traumatic, therapy to try to avoid PTSD wouldn't be out of place.

MyBrilliantDisguise Tue 05-Dec-17 20:44:22

As far as your daughter is concerned, at the moment she doesn't even realise you're a separate entity to her. Keep her close to you and chat to her and stroke her. The bond is there, it's just when you're experiencing pain like that it's all you can think of.

SweepTheHalls Tue 05-Dec-17 20:45:33

I hired a crazy thing called a valley cushion from the NCT at the time that allowed me to sit down while my tears healed. It really helped!

RicStar Tue 05-Dec-17 20:46:05

Oh op. flowers. Sounds like you had a dreadful time. Things will get better. Do you have support? Just take it a day or less at a time. Don't try to do too much / anything. Maybe see if you can get a phone call with your GP re pain medication. You have a lifetime to bond with your Dd. I had blood loss / anemia (despite a transfusion) and a bad wound so definitely slow to bond / understand the feeling of being hit by a truck and then being given a baby to keep alive. She is 5 now and I really don't remember / think about those days at all now.

HumphreyCobblers Tue 05-Dec-17 20:46:24

What painkillers are you taking? If they have given you nothing but paracetamol or ibuprofen then contact your GP about more adequate pain relief.

I had a traumatic c section for my first baby and I too felt SO shocked afterwards. It was like I was disconnected from everything. It did pass, I promise.

Make sure you tell the people around you how you are feeling. They are there to help.

Kit2015 Tue 05-Dec-17 20:47:14

I could have written your post. I thought the pain would never end.
I spent about three weeks lying on the sofa alternating sides and feeding DD.
What pain killers are they giving you?
I promise you that the pain will go. Please be kind to yourself and I'm sure you are/ will bond with your baby.

HumphreyCobblers Tue 05-Dec-17 20:48:10

Oh and I didn't immediately 'bond' with my baby. It took a while. This is very common and lots of women do not experience that rush of love that seems to be expected. I felt a tremendous sense of care and anxiety to get everything right, but not a huge amount of actual emotion towards him. That also came but a bit later than I was expecting.

Cantchooseaname Tue 05-Dec-17 20:48:27

The thing she women are out through!! I’m so sorry you are in so much pain, and struggling. Day 4 is prime time for hormone ‘baby blues’ too. It feels like so much to deal with, but you are perfect for her, everything she needs. Try for some skin to skin, in whatever position works for you- it has benefits for both of you.
I really hope you have good real life support.

LoveYouTimMinchin Tue 05-Dec-17 20:49:39

Things will definitely get better. It has been 4 days! 99% of women who have given birth feel absolutely terrible after 4 days, I guarantee it. I was still in hospital 4 days pp with both children.

Just hold on and rely on every offer of help and support from the people around you. If the midwife says the wound is healing then I'm sure she is right.

PasstheStarmix Tue 05-Dec-17 20:49:51

Firstly congratulations on your beautiful baby. Secondly, of poor you flowers
Thirdly I can only promise you that this does and will get better.

4 days is so early in terms of recovery. There's women who had less than you and are still in pain at this point. Similarly to yourself I was overdue (2weeks) and had to be induced with a complicated labour. My baby got left too long with broken waters and ended up with sepsis and had to go back to hospital at a day old in SCBU(very traumatic). Luckily we spotted signs and caught it in time and ds is now thriving. Appalling hospital but that's another story. I didn't however have forceps or epio. I got away with mild second degree. I didn't have as much of a birth injury as you and it took me some time to recover and I was still in a lot of pain at 4 days pp. I bled for about 3 weeks and it took ages before I could go to the toilet properly and feel everything properly again. However it gets alittle better with every week that passes I promise.
I recommend lots of warm salt water baths. Don't use bubble bath as somebody told me that this can disintegrate the stitches. flowers

PasstheStarmix Tue 05-Dec-17 20:50:10

oh

SeaToSki Tue 05-Dec-17 20:50:59

Try ice packs alternating with a heating pad. Avoid lifting as much as you can and take small steps. Also go back to your GP for help with the pain medication.

I am so sorry you are feeling like this, childbirth can feel like being hit by a truck with an uncomplicated delivery, so dont worry too much that you are feeling rotten. The shower is a great place to cry, just go in and have a good howl under the running water.

sending hugs

Christmascardqueen Tue 05-Dec-17 20:52:18

Your body will heal in a very short time. Snuggle your little one to your hearts content.
Remember to eat well and drink your water, if you have prenatal vitamins left you can take those.
Paracetamol can help reduce the pain and Tucks Hemmoroidal pads feel soothing as well.
When lying in bed, on adequate padding letting your bottom air dry again helps healing.

PasstheStarmix Tue 05-Dec-17 20:53:06

And not everybody bonds with their baby right away. A bond will be harder to establish when you're in such pain. As you heal and start to feel better that bond will come!

pomadas87 Tue 05-Dec-17 20:55:19

Thank you everyone - i really appreciate it.
I was discharged with dihydrocodeine (sp?) and max strength paracetmol and ibuprofen.

I told my midwife about not managing with the pain today and she seemed to think I just need to keep going with what I've been given and give it time. She also checked stitches and there's no infection.

DH is doing everything around the house which is great but i don't think he knows what to do when I cry and cry, he is so happy with DD's arrival.

heyhosilver Tue 05-Dec-17 20:56:40

I was in exactly the same situation as you. I couldn't walk properly or sit comfortably for 2/3 months. I really thought I would never heal and I'd ruined my life (yes the pain was that bad and I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel) I'm now completely healed and feel fine! Take as much help as possible and rest all you can xx

AnonEvent Tue 05-Dec-17 20:56:41

I can't even imagine: Day 4 is HARD, even if your bits remained intact.

Add to that the pain and physical trauma you've been through. Hats off to you.

I had a surprise csection, also felt pretty invasive (though I imagine the healing was less painful). And I felt the same about bonding on Day 4, and 5 and up until Day 11 or so. Peaking Day 10.

It got so much easier, so quickly. A couple of weeks after DD was born things started to fall into place. By the time she was four weeks old, I felt much better (both physically and emotionally).

Hold tight, relax as much as you can. You are doing a wonderful job.

MyBrilliantDisguise Tue 05-Dec-17 20:58:36

Can you get yourself into the bath two or three times a day when you've fed the baby?

Phalarope Tue 05-Dec-17 21:01:06

Did the midwife take a swab? Mine also thought stitches looked fine, but a swab showed infection.

It will get better, really. I think if you are generally a healthy person who's been fortunate enough to avoid serious illness or injury in the past, the physical impact of labour is quite shocking in the days afterwards. Hang in there.

Lules Tue 05-Dec-17 21:04:56

Don’t worry about bonding. You have ages and ages to get to know and love her. It doesn’t have to be immediate. Also 4 day baby blues are normal even if you’ve had a straightforward birth.

lazyleo Tue 05-Dec-17 21:07:15

I know someone who delivered a 10lb 15oz baby by forceps and by god was she in pain. The tear & stitches was awful. One thing that I know did help and it sounds nuts - a swimming rubber ring - put it on the chair and put a bag of frozen peas wrapped in a tea towel in it to make the sitting easier. That was her own mum who was obviously much older who did that - sometimes the old solutions are definately the best. I know it sounds nuts hmm but it did give some relief when sitting. Salt baths as well.
I don't think they'll give much more than dihydrocodeine and paracetamol, I remember having diclofenac after my c-section. I never experienced vaginal birth though so you have my utmost sympathy and like the other posters say, you are at a real trough of emotions here - you are very sleep deprived, in very much pain and the adrenalin has all gone. Be gentle on yourself. If you can't cope with the pain and its not improving make sure you keep asking for something else and make sure you are spreading them out the best way for impact - I think if I remember right ibuprofen lasts longer so is good at nighttime etc. Hopefully someone who has been through more recently will have a better memory on that.

Monstamio Tue 05-Dec-17 21:14:54

I was in that place 9 months ago with my second. Forceps, 3rd degree tear. On day four I was sobbing on the toilet while breastfeeding and feeling like I was being pulled in pieces. And I also couldn't stop crying. Day 4 and 5 is pretty much peak time for bruising which is why you might be feeling worse than you did a day or so ago. Add the mental hormones that are flooding around and it's no wonder you feel low. I rang my GP at this point who prescribed diclofenac over the phone for my husband to collect. I didn't have the codeine so don't know if you can take both together but worth checking with your GP. Be aware that codeine can make you constipated which is the last thing you want when you've got a lot of stitches so I would really advise taking steps to avoid that. Plenty of water, lactulose etc.

And I promise it does get better. Keep having the baths (I did sea salt and lavender oil). I also soaked a pad with witch hazel to help with the bruising, but I don't know whether or not it did anything. Arnica tablets are supposed to help too.

And please don't worry about your bond. All babies want at this stage is to be close to you. You're doing brilliantly. flowers

whereareyousleep Tue 05-Dec-17 21:33:25

I had a complicated forcep delivery with episiotomy with my DS. Day 3/4/5 are definitely the worst as the bruising is at the worst then but then it does start feeling a little better everyday. I found witch hazel in the bath and leaving them to air for 20 minutes after really helped them heal quicker and keeping on top of the painkillers. Don't be too hard on yourself there is an end to it.

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