Hi, how's old is your child if you don't mind me asking? Are you feeling generally low? I have an 8 month old and being a first time Mam has been so overwhelming. Sometimes it's so tiring it can be difficult and with all the hormones it can take awhile for things to fall into place.
So sorry for you Hun. It's difficult being a first time mum. I know myself something it's hard work and it's so tiring and you know they say the first year is the hardest but especially the first six months well they certainly are. But they do get better, it has taken me until my little one has turned 8 months to finally feel like things are getting easier. Also as they get older they get more interesting and you see their little personalities come out more. Have you spoken to a doctor? It might be worth speaking to someone just Incase you're suffering from postnatal depression.
If it helps my friend suffered from PND and felt exactly like you. It did take a while but after speaking to the doctor and getting a little help she did make it through the other side. And now she couldn't love her little girl any more and loves being her mum. You won't always feel like this, you just need alittle help; we all do from time to time. The fact you've came on here and posted this is already one step on the right direction and shows you're an amazing Mum for your child.
You are welcome. I think sometimes it can be easier to talk to a stranger as I know my family wouldn't be great either: they're all to wrapped up in themselves and just don't understand. Things will get better and one day you'll want to be that little baby boy's Mum again and when you do the feeling will be fantastic. You will be so proud looking at him and thinking 'I did that' nobody else just you. A chat with your doctor would be worth it and sometimes when we feel low we feel hopeless and like nobody can help but they can and do help lots of mums every day. This feeling is temporary and things will get a lot better; the doc will be able to help you start to feel yourself again.
Contact your GP or HV as they should be there to support you. Sometimes those closest to us don't want to hear what we are saying as it is too much to deal with. Being a new mother is hard as hell and PND (which it does sound like but i'm absolutely no expert)can be totally debilitating if left. At the moment your hormones are all over the place. Don't think about whether you love your DS or not- keep caring, holding, cuddling until you can get the help you need because your DS needs and loves you. Your love will come, or reappear from the fog you are stuck in, just reach out to those professionals to help you through
Please don’t be too hard on yourself. If you really didn’t care, isn’t it unlikely you’d be worrying about it and seeking support and advice? Definitely worth seeing the GP, and don’t be afraid to say exactly how you are feeling and the thoughts you have. They’ve heard it all before!