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As with all health-related issues, please seek advice from a RL health professional if you're worried about anything.

Feeling so anxious, and guilty.

(16 Posts)
Kimbles12 Mon 06-Feb-17 12:40:19

Hi, my lg is 7 weeks old and is formula fed. I tried breastfeeding but I was getting stressed and so was my lg as the latch wasn't that great and I was so sore. I feel so guilty about this and have tried a few times to try again but get sore again. I know there are so many health benefits and also read that it is recommend to help lower the risk of sids. This is what scares me so much! Makes me feel sick to the stomach and can't stop crying that I'm putting my lg at risk!! I get times when I feel ok, but today I have woken up with the fear and anxiety that something bad is going to happen because of me. I don't help myself by reading peoples experiences and looking at other articles about sids.
I just can't relax, and enjoy my lg.

Kim. XX

Littlefoxy Tue 07-Feb-17 16:10:22

Please don't feel guilty: easier said than done I know. Firstly SIDS is rare, i imagine rarer than you're thinking. Plus they don't know what causes SIDS & they don't know why bf is linked to reduced chances. It might just be that bf babies tend to sleep near Mum or or that bf mums tend to drink less alcohol. So she's not necessarily more at risk.

There's so much guilt around how you feed your baby. its ridiculous, main thing is she's fed. It's not healthier if it makes you stressed & unhappy. Your mental health is as important for her development as the nutrients are. I have terrible anxiety about something happening to my DD so whilst I can tell you not to worry I understand what it's like to not be enjoying it because of the constant what ifs. I talked to my Gp who gave me something to help with anxiety & I'll be doing CBT. If your worrying feels out of control it might be worth talking to someone about it smile

Kimbles12 Tue 07-Feb-17 17:36:03

i saw the hv today, i was an emotional wreck! She has given me a letter to give to the dr, explaining how I'm feeling about things and looking into tablets for my anxiety. She has also passed my details on to speak to someone about CBT. Hate feeling like this, and keep telling myself that it's so rare but it doesn't stop the anxiety.
There is definitely so much guilt around things to do with motherhood. XX

regina492 Tue 14-Feb-17 22:26:42

I had similar situation as a new mum way back in 2001. Until this day i feel the guilt and anxious thinking the situations i had with my new baby. Being married with my now ex husband. I came here to live with him and within a year, we had our baby. She was a gorgeous and healthy baby. The problem began a day after just spent only one night in the hospital. i had tried to breastfed my daughter, and so i thought at that time that i was feeding her, there's not enough milk on my breast and it made my daughter discomfort. I have no idea what to do. I don't have any advice or support. Each day the midwife came to visits and check the progress of my daughter,her comments we're always that the baby was jaundice and won't advice me what to do as i know my daughter was not getting enough milk from me. She just kept insisting i keep on trying to breastfed my daughter although i am desperately told her that my baby does not get enough milk and i knew she was very hungry and crying. When she left, out of my desperation, i asked my husband to go to shop and buy a formula milk. As soon as he was back, i rushed to make one small baby bottle for her and estimated the scopes of milk as i saw my sister-in law did when bottle feeding my niece back home. Cooled the bottle and gave it to my daughter. In instant, my daughter had it so quickly that she feel asleep after i bottle fed her. I look back of the can of milk and i never realized that there is a print formula and measurements in the can.Until now i feel guilty. i burst to tears every time i remember how my baby would had suffer.

lostandconfused6576i Mon 20-Feb-17 22:34:43

Honestly I say this as someone who breasts feeds: please don't worry. Plenty of babies are ff and go on to be perfectly healthy children/adults.

I rolled my eyes during my ante-natal classes when they said breast feeding lowers rates of chest infections and asthma. My mum breast fed me and I havr asthma, my formula fed brother in law doesn't and never gets ill.

You'll little one will be fine.

Kimbles12 Wed 22-Feb-17 09:44:20

Thanks for your replies. Been ok the last couple of days then today I'm an emotional wreck again. Got a telephone assessment this afternoon from a mental health therapist about my anxiety.(been referred by hv) Hate feeling like this, worrying about sids all the time. Reading the statistics and stories isn't helping but I feel like I can't stop.

lostandconfused6576i Wed 22-Feb-17 10:33:51

Do you manage to get and out do much with your baby? It sounds like you need to distract yourself.

Kimbles12 Wed 22-Feb-17 10:48:22

Not really, I know I need to get out more. I do the school run and that's about it at the moment. Will have to look at groups in the area.

Littlefoxy Thu 23-Feb-17 11:06:10

It sounds a lot like the post natal OCD I had. The thoughts aren't rational but they spiral and grow and you feel like you can't switch them off or think about anything else. You could look up the symptoms to see if it fits with how you're feeling. Distraction is a good idea. I had 2 days where my partner looked after little one & I worked and I realised that I'd not had the thoughts at all. It can get better. I was distraught and thinking I would have to be sectioned or something equally dramatic because I felt so unwell but after seeing a doctor I felt better very quickly. A few weeks on and Im a different person. Something to think about; count how many adults have ever said to you that they've had problems because they were formula fed. Were you formula fed and if so can you remember ever feeling disappointed about that? Or equally have you ever felt being breast fed had advantaged you? Babies just want to be fed, loved and cuddled and as long as you're doing those things, you're doing just fine grin

Kimbles12 Thu 23-Feb-17 11:39:55

I've looked at the symptoms for post natal OCD. A lot of it sounds like what I'm going through. It's such a horrible feeling, have days where I'm ok, then I will hear a word or see something that would trigger the worry and panic then I would be trawling the internet about SIDS and getting upset and can't stop crying.
I spoke to someone yesterday and have been referred for CBT therapy, waiting for the appointment to come through.
I'm slowly feeling not as bad about not being able to breastfeed.

PeachBellini123 Thu 23-Feb-17 12:02:14

Great post Littlefoxy - there's so much more that goes in to raising healthy children than breast feeding.

You obviously love your baby lots Kimbles. Your lo will be fine and so will you.

Good you have got a CBT appointment.

RaskolnikovsGarret Thu 23-Feb-17 12:20:21

My sister's children were never breast fed. They are now teens, and have never had more than a cold in their lives - they have never even had antibiotics. On top of that, they are the nicest, politest, most popular, funniest, cleverest (off the scale for the son) children I know.

So please don't worry OP flowers. The feeding method you use is simply not an issue.

user1488794856 Mon 06-Mar-17 11:56:50

I can completely sympathise, my dd is ff due to breast feeding issues from birth, poor latch, milk supply, tongue tie, flat nipples argh!
I can't tell you how many times I have cried when ff her, the guilt was completely consuming. I still hate it, but the guilt does subside in time. The most important thing at this stage is to work on your mental health, your baby needs a happy mum more than she needed you breast milk, and you will pull through it. It will get better and there is lots of support to get you health back on track.

FartnissEverbeans Fri 10-Mar-17 06:24:44

I'm the same, OP. About two nights ago I stayed up til about 3am googling SIDS. I happened to come across an article about the babies who gave died in daycare. DS was starting nursery the following day. I handled it well as you can imagine confused

But I always, always feel better and more rational in the days I go out of the house. I can be quite antisocial but have made a conscious effort to go out and meet other mums for coffee etc. It helps massively. I'm going back to work next week - it's slightly earlier than expected, but my dr has convinced me it's the right thing to do as my anxiety about the baby is just getting worse.

My 3am googling has taught me that SIDS is hugely complex and no one factor is to blame. As Littlefoxy points out, there are all sorts of confounding variables involved when it comes to SIDS and breastfeeding (and frankly a lot - if not most - of the health claims made about breastfeeding are bollocks anyway; look up Joan Wolf's lecture on the topic online. It might make you feel better).

If you follow the guidelines your baby will be safe flowers

Bubspub Fri 10-Mar-17 10:35:04

I haven't had a chance to read all replies so sorry if I'm repeating what others have said. I couldn't get breastfeeding to work, my DS had a dreadful latch and the skin was peeling off my nipples, it was so sore. I would have actually stuck with it except that he kept losing weight, apparently he was crushing the nipple so that flow was reduced and not getting much. I was totally demoralised as constantly nursing, for up to 2 hours each time. I thought formula was poison and i didn't even have the equipment to give it as I'd had no plans to use it at all. A very nice midwife (I was having extra visits due to weight loss) told me it wasn't poison and that she herself had been formula fed and had done very well in life thank you very much! It was such a relief. My boy was a huge guzzler and I thank Cow and Gate for keeping him satisfied! He's very strong, very clever and incredibly cheeky. So please don't worry that you're doing anything wrong by your little one.

Also did you know that dummies can reduce the risk of SIDS? Have you tried one?

Kimbles12 Sun 12-Mar-17 21:36:38

Thanks for your replies ladies. Trying not to worry too much but it's still on my mind nearly 24/7. Trying not to google things as well as it makes me worse. My head is a mess some days, and try and distract myself. Always end up thinking about the poor families who have gone through that awful nightmare and putting myself in their situation. I tell myself I'm doing all I can, and that I need to relax but it's easier said than done.

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