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HELP Postnatal depression and bullying MIL

(18 Posts)
jojo1991 Sun 29-Jan-17 02:49:44

Hi everyone

I'm new. I've signed up today to try and get some help. I'm at my wits end

I have a 2 year old DD and a 1 year old DS

DS has had gastric problems since birth and these are currently being investigated. I've been to the hospital multiple times and kept getting turned away saying he had reflux. At Christmas, he got so unwell and had blood in his poo. A nurse at the walk in told us to take him to alder Hey in Liverpool for a second opinion. A Dr there told us it sounds like a nutritional absorption issue and has sorted us a referral to a gastro specialist

That same day I received abuse from my MIL who lives next door. She didn't agree with us taking him to the walk in and accused me of having munchausens by proxy and making my kids ill in the street

We have since not seen her as she refused to apologise. She makes constant remarks that I'm an unfit parent because I've suffered with Postnatal depression and has also made accusations that I'm a liar about abuse I've suffered (there is currently an ongoing police investigation in which I am not the only victim)

A couple of months ago I contacted the charity home start as I wanted help with feeling a more confident parent.

Today she accidentally sent a message to my mum that was meant for her daughter (my partners sister) stating that our son has started looking slightly better only because we are having visits from home start and said she is glad my children are finally being monitored. That isn't what they are here for.

I'm so upset by all of this that she thinks I've been hurting my children and her constant rumours she's spreading about me to other family members are getting too much. Her reason for not liking me is because I have depression. She's often refused to pass me my son saying he needs treating gently as though I'm going to hurt him. I'm scared she will contact social services. I love my kids so much and would never hurt them. They are both fantastic kids and my DD is the best talker in her class at nursery

My partner doesn't agree with any of what she is doing and saying but he doesn't know what to do

I can't take much more of the rumours and remarks that are getting thrown at me all of which are untrue

Does anyone know where I can get help for all this? Please help x

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow Sun 29-Jan-17 03:03:22

He steps up and protect you whilst you are vunerable that what. He needs to draw a line that she mustn't cross and tell her to stop gossiping or contact with DC will be reduced.
If she does contact ss don't worry, they aren't going to take them away if they are safe and well.

jojo1991 Sun 29-Jan-17 03:10:14

Thank you. She's always been controlling and he's never dared stand up to her but he did when she accused me of that. She's making our lives a misery. I'm hoping he can now see her for what she is. I wish we could move away. She watches our every move. If we sneeze, she knows about it!

VimFuego101 Sun 29-Jan-17 03:15:03

Everything that OhWhatFuckery said. Your DH needs to stand up for you.

TreacleTreacleLittleStar Sun 29-Jan-17 03:42:46

I nearly dropped my phone in utter disgust at that!!!!

Do NOT let this woman bully you!!!!! Stand up for your kids and stop all contact between her and your children until she sorts herself out.

TreacleTreacleLittleStar Sun 29-Jan-17 03:44:52

What exactly are her general concerns surrounding you as a mother? What effect is she implying that your depression is supposedly having on your children?? And I would get a letter from the Doctor at Alder Hey and show her it. And also DEFINITELY correct her on what she said in that text. That they are NOT there to monitor your children!!!

99percentchocolate Sun 29-Jan-17 03:46:52

What a vile woman. I'd just go no contact immediately if it were me. Honestly, what joy does she bring to your life?

ImpetuousBride Sun 29-Jan-17 04:20:58

Why is she so enmeshed in your life? Don't let her know things and don't get too close. Unless you live with her you can simply choose not to see her or talk to her.

SpaceDinosaur Sun 29-Jan-17 04:32:13

If she does contact social services once, twice, a thousand times then all of your DC's issues are medically documented, your illness is too. SS know what homestart are for. There is literally nothing that SS will do other than possibly say "how you coping with this? Do you want any support or help"

Your MIL is a nasty piece of work. Is it possible to look at moving away from the bitch?

billabye Sun 29-Jan-17 06:27:03

Why in earth do you live next door to her?? I'd be looking to move and telling my DP he needs to set her straight angry

seven201 Sun 29-Jan-17 06:32:25

You need to move. Your dh needs to tell her to stop lying and to be nice to you. He needs to say if that doesn't happen you, as a family, will no longer spend any time with her. She sounds vile.

jojo1991 Sun 29-Jan-17 11:16:16

Thank you for all your replies. Basically she's a control freak who has to control other people's lives and when we don't do what she thinks we should do she has a tantrum and abuses us. She's of the belief that people with depression should suffer in silence and that if you reach out for help and let everyone know, you cleary don't care about anyone around you. She has snatched my baby off me several times in the past when I've been dressing him as though I'm doing it wrong. We can't move unfortunately due to financial difficulties. My partner already owned the house when I met him. I've asked a thousand times why oh why did he buy the house next door to his own mum!

I ended up in hospital in August after collapsing and a day later she came back from her holiday 3 days early because someone had told her what had happened with me and she blamed me for her having to come back early and demanded to know why she wasn't first to know

She's deluded

seven201 Sun 29-Jan-17 11:19:56

Could you rent out your house so you could rent somewhere a little further away? I really think it's not good for you to be near this woman. Does your dh step in when necessary?

jojo1991 Sun 29-Jan-17 11:41:15

Our mortgage is so cheap, I doubt we could afford to rent anywhere. Yeah he does stand up for me. He did when she accused me of child abuse and she told him to have a nice life. She said she would never help us again. The next day she's wishing him happy birthday and paying for our broken drain. She's very odd

jojo1991 Sun 29-Jan-17 11:59:16

Everytime they are off colour she blames me. My DD started nursery in November so of course she's brought every bug home

I ended up in respite for a few days at a time in October. She took the opportunity to get her foot in the door. She changed my kids routines, wouldn't babysit so my partner couldn't visit me and isolated me as much as possible then said I was lucky having a holiday

The earliest we can move is in 6 years as my partner is in a debt relief programme and if we sold now we would lose half of our assets in the house

TreacleTreacleLittleStar Sun 29-Jan-17 12:31:22

Personally, I'd get a Harassment Order issued on her!!

She CANNOT treat you like this!! She can't. You really really need to cut her off. 100%.

She sounds like she is jealous. One of those Mothers that will always hate whoever her precious Son ends up with. No matter who they are. So if that is the case, then NOTHING you do will ever make a difference, sadly x

jojo1991 Sun 29-Jan-17 12:41:19

How would I go about doing that? I'm scared to leave my house cos she's always looking out the window

TreacleTreacleLittleStar Mon 30-Jan-17 12:49:01

Police. Call 101 and explain that you want to make a report of Harassment. It's not serious, doesn't go on their Criminal Record, is just a Notice informing them that their behaviour is causing upset & distress. And warns them that if it continues, they COULD be prosecuted.

Feel free to PM me. I've had to get two against my my ex and his partner before x

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