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Mother in law with an attitude

(8 Posts)
user1478530203 Mon 07-Nov-16 15:18:40

Hey, I have a daughter who's 10months she is my first and she's a wonderful child (has her moments of course) so my mother in law we have known each other for 10years and have never really had an issue, she can be quite controlling, doesn't like anyone making decisions without her or against her. It never bothered me too much tbh until we got married she then through a massive strop about us moving out a bit (which we then decided against because of this for now) I fell pregnant and once I had the baby the dynamic totally changed. Or I felt it did. She undermined me in so many ways. I really do still make the effort with her despite, I bring my child round every week to see her etc. Lately though her attitude had gotten worse towards me. She makes comments like " I wasn't going to stand for that...." when it comes to making decisions about my daughters childcare, she was looking after her for a day and night as we were at a wedding and the next morning I phoned to check in and she answered the phone to me with "what is it". It really took me back. Anyway lots of things like this, she never does it around my husband either she only does it to me.
She sent me a message one night saying she has decided she wanted to take my daughter for 1 day a week so I would have to pull her out of daycare that day which is fine but I would have preferred her to have brought this up that morning to me and my husband. She didn't want a discussion about it. I phoned her and explained that I have to give written notice etc and I can't just pull her out but then she started to challenge me about a few things such as why haven't I given my daughter a cough medicine for her cough and I was explaining that the doctor told me not to ( she's very old school).

Long story short I got off the phone a bit stressed and thought ok if she's going to look after my child one day a week we need to agree that we can have a mutual respect to work together. So I sent her a message (again bad idea through a message but she doesn't like to talk) I just said I was happy for her to take her one day a week but can we pleasure ensure we maintain a mutual respect and that I need her to respect me as my daughters mum. She then messaged back saying she didn't want her anymore and to just keep her in daycare. I tried to phone her and she turned off the landline and wouldn't answer the phone to me.

Does anyone think I am being really petit or do you think I had every right to ask for a little bit of respect. I did tell her I know she would look after my daughter really well that I have no worries i just don't want to bang heads.

I'm sort of made to feel like the big bad mum here. I'm still a new mum I'm anxious and tired I was hoping for more support. Especially from another mother.

Rockpebblestone Mon 07-Nov-16 15:24:01

She is behaving badly. From now on please don't make any decisions you do not want to make. You don't need to ask her permission for any decision, regarding your daughter, unless it involves her input. So tell her your decision and just let her react. You don't have to see her if she is behaving badly.

Rockpebblestone Mon 07-Nov-16 15:26:50

Oh and all information you tell her should be on a need to know basis. Over sharing will just give her more opportunity to push her opinions.

user1478530203 Mon 07-Nov-16 15:39:21

Yes I think your right. It's actually making me feel quite unhappy I feel a bit shut out. It's not heathy. She has 3 sons and so they all obviously don't get it. I have stopped talking about it but it's left me feeling like, am I the one going crazy or is this real? Am I right to take a stand on this one.

LaundryQueenHatesIroning Mon 07-Nov-16 15:49:52

What a nasty, petty, spiteful woman. I agree, stop telling her anything she doesn't need to know. Good for you for standing up for yourself though, it's obviously got her goat. Hopefully this gives you the strength to keep on standing up to her (because she will keep on trying to assert her power, this I know from experience).

user1478530203 Mon 07-Nov-16 16:02:36

Thank you. This is really helpful and I don't feel like I'm losing my mind. It's so difficult with in laws, trying to maintain that balance of being firm but not causing trouble. Especially when it's your husbands mum. Men don't understand either I think they just think it's all silly and to just get over it.

RattyCatty Wed 09-Nov-16 14:07:01

I completely agree with the advice given. You have been totally in the right. Politely but coolly still keen to your guns. You are your daughter's mother and known best.

PassiveAgressiveQueen Wed 09-Nov-16 14:16:39

Thank god, never ever be in any situation where you rely on her. Or she will use it against you.

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