Overthinking & anxiety at 9 weeks pp please help

[MammaTimes2]

I really feel embarrassed writing this but I don't know where else to turn. Please don't judge me. My beautiful baby girl is 9 weeks old & I feel like I'm loosing my mind. I've always suffered with anxiety which flairs up from time to time but I've never been to the Drs or anything prior to this as I've always been embarrassed. ATM the anxiety and overthinking is crippling & I am experiencing a horrible overwhelming feeling of panic daily. When I had ds who is 7 I wasn't like this at all but with dd I feel I'm on the verge of loosing my mind & it's terrifying me.

I know it's irrational but I keep changing my mind about her name, I had a name I wanted to call her all through my pregnancy but DH didn't like it & we battled over her name for the first 3 weeks. At 4 weeks I had a nasty case of mastitis & the antibiotics made me feel really strange & depressed. At this point we rushed into naming & registering her something completely different which I immediately regretted. I went back to the registry office after 20 mins & the lady gave me paperwork to change her name. My DH was really disappointed & annoyed, I tried to get used to her name but I've pretty much cried non-stop since. The day after registering I broke down to the dr who asked me lots of PND questions & prescribed me Valium 2mg. He also said to go back in a week & told my HV to have a chat with me. When she did I lied & said I felt better for fear of being judged. With her name I had to tell people I wasn't sure if we were keeping her at the one we registered her at. The tricky part is I don't think she suits any of the names I like, I keep looking at her thinking who are you? I changed her name unofficially ten days ago but after a day thought that was wrong too & told my husband I wanted to keep the name we registered her at. Now I'm scared to tell him I'm still not fussed on it & I can't get used to it. He's really frustrated & embarrassed at the whole situation already. I feel like I've let everyone down & I'm a useless mother who can't even stick to a name for her baby.

I think there's more to it than the name, I'm extremely emotional & feel like I need to speak to people all the time or my thoughts take over me & I can't breathe.

Sorry for the long post, has anybody been through anything similar? I've been desperate for another baby for 7 years & I feel like I'm taking all the joy out of the early days for myself. Please help. X

[MammaTimes2]

I'd like to add in I am totally besotted with my beautiful baby and my wonderful son. I'd do anything for them, I just feel they deserve better than me.

[Dozer]

Sorry you're having a rough time. Suggest returning to your GP and being honest. They are really used to helping people with MH issues and won't judge. They're also likely to be kind because you're a postnatal mum!

Park the name thing for a bit - your DD is tiny and won't know her name for some time yet, and your older DS will just go along with things as DC do you have plenty of time. Struggling with decisions is a symptom of anxiety, and doesn't make you a bad mum at all!

[Dozer]

Also, wanting DC2 very much doesn't mean aspects of parenting a newborn aren't damn hard! You're not taking the joy out of anything - it's not all joy anyway, and you're unwell, which isn't your fault.

Bet you're a great mum. There is help available.

I have longstanding anxiety that flared up after much wanted DC1 was born, and flared up really badly on returning to work after DC2. Counselling, mindfulness and other "self help" helped, and wish had sought help sooner.

[MammaTimes2]

Thank you so much for your reply dozer, I'm taking dd for her injections this morning (something that has made me more anxious for days) I'll have an honest chat to my HV then. I've been for cbt/hypnosis twice over the past few weeks & it helped for a day or two max, then the anxiety creeps back in. I can't seem to talk to anyone other than my husband, parents & aunt about my issues. I'm hiding it from my friends for fear of being judged. I love my husband to bits but he's very black & white with things, his dad is bipolar & he doesn't have a lot of understanding or patience with him. With me ATM he's trying to understand but he wants me to snap out of it but I just can't seem to. I work full time as a teacher & think my brain is finding it hard to switch off from being busy all the time in school so I'm finding things to over analyse, even conversations with people are playing on my for days. How long did it take you to recover? Did you take any medication?

[Dozer]

Hope the immunisations go OK and you do manage to mention your MH. It's hard to say the words - there's a website that helps you prepare for conversations about Mh symptoms with health professionals, you kind of pick and mix and can even print it out to hand to them!

If the HV is busy or distracted perhaps book a dedicated appointment later.

My DH isn't very supportive either, which can sometimes make matters worse can't it. I've done better since seeking support from professionals, and taking better care of myself, which has included sometimes not doing things DH wants, eg long journeys to visit family, late boozy nights with friends (I find alcohol really bad for my MH). I don't look to him too much over it IYSWIM.

I don't take medication due to concern about side effects etc but there have been many times I probably should have! Counselling has been good for me at tricky times.

My family are not helpful at all unfortunately! Grrr.

I've almost always found friends and aquaintances to be kind and practical when have mentioned anxiety to them. Sometimes it's clear who's likely to be supportive. I've sometimes mentioned in general terms that I get anxious, but have very rarely actually talked about the nature or extent of it.

I recently attended an event with an MP and a successful businesswoman talking about their personal MH issues, including anxiety, which was inspiring and empowering.

[Dozer]

Teaching is a hardcore job! Imagine maternity leave must be a big adjustment!

[MammaTimes2]

You were right the HV was really busy today and the waiting room was busy, I saw three other mums I knew so I didn't want to bring it up. I just felt I was on the verge of tears the entire time. It sounds weird but I look at other mothers and think I wonder what their child's name is. I bet they didn't waste so much time trying to name them, I bet they just knew. I feel so disappointed in myself, my husband said last week that the baby's early weeks have been tainted with the name situation and that I've made us all a laughing stock & its taken the shine off things. I'm devastated at the thought of runining time I'll never get back with her. Thanks for being so nice and for your advice. I'm glad things have improved for you and I just hope I'll be in your situation one day and feel a bit better. At the moment I feel like a horrible, useless person.

[felineways]

Mumma call your health visitor and ask for help. I had awful postnal anxiety and the help I recived was fantastic. In my case the HV also had a bit of stern word with husband ( issues with over bearing mil). I know not all hv are good but most places have good ones keep asking till you find the help you need xxxx

I promise it will get better x

[Dozer]

Yes, if you can do call someone or book an appointment. Some places you can even self refer to local MH services and just phone up directly - my one has info online and in health centres and libraries.

sorry to hear that it was quite frantic today. Not nice to be in a roomful of people and feeling bad

You did great to get there and get the immunisations over with!

If you can, please don't heed your H's words and focus on finding support - your little DD really won't be negatively affected.

[MammaTimes2]

Thank you both, I really appreciate your advice. I'm going to phone and book an appointment in the morning. I was looking at the HV & dr today thinking can't you see there's something wrong with me. I'm smiling on the outside but inside I'm consumed with a horrible anxious feeling, my heart pounds so fast & I feel light headed.

Did you take medication felinesways? I'm really reluctant to start taking the diazepam but I feel like my brain needs to switch off, even if it's for an hour.

What would you both do regarding her name? The HV looked in DDs book earlier & said earlier 'Oh you've changed it back have you?' And looked as if I was just being indecisive but I felt like crying and blurting out how I feel.

I can empathise with the over bearing MIL, she's half the reason I rushed into registering DD two weeks before the deadline. She kept saying, everyone is asking me her name it's embarrassing. You need to give her a name, it's not fair on DS when he goes to school. Talk about kicking me while I'm down. We're not remotely close & I feel like shes judging me all the time too 😕X

[felineways]

Mamma I didn't have medication mainly because my hv picked up issues early on. I did have amazing counselling followed by cbt for 18 months. Starting weekly for 6 months then reducing slowly. I also had extra 'listening' visits from hv every couple of days for a few weeks at the start.

Honestly regarding her name im not sure it sounds like you feel bullied into it. It's ok to change it now. People will have opinions but they always do. It's impossible to keep everyone happy.

The mil issues settled down I made boundaries and effort. We're not close but she is a great grandma and has gone out her way to support me in emergencies.

Honestly once I had mechanisms to deal with the anxiety everything was easier. For me a lot of the anxiety was rooted in a difficult pregnacy and went into over drive postnatally.

I was utterly convinced Id accidentlly drop and kill my baby. I had vivid waking nightmares almost hourly about it. I cleaned the house so much I damaged my c section scar for fear of germs.

I got excellent support and things got much better quite quickly.

[MammaTimes2]

Thank you, I've text my HV and asked her to pop to see me. Think my husband needs to be present as he has no understanding at all. Last night I went up to the bedroom as I felt really panicked and teary, I was up there minding my own business & he came up saying 'what's wrong with you now?! Why are you moping around up here?' He told me I need to snap out of it & that it's draining him. If only it was that easy, I do t feel I can talk to him about how I'm feeling at all. He thinks if I can have a good couple of hours/day I'm better and should just get on with things now.

[felineways]

Oh lovely your husband sounds very out of his depth. I think it would help to have the hv support you both.

My husband did a major ostrich approach when I was poorly. And both sets of grandparents excepted Wonder Woman waiting on while they cuddled the baby the of hours. No one made even normal allowances for me having just had a baby yet alone section.

The health visitor really helped by pointing out that physically I needed more rest and emotionally I was poorly and surrounded my people being selfish. She explained that my mental health was no more my fault than a post natal infection would be. She was kind to my husband but a voice for me helped. I wonder if like me your wider family aren't helping with their own expectations xxx

[Dozer]

Suggest seeing the HV alone, but tell her your H isn't supportive and doesn't "get it". If he wants to help you there's loads of stuff online about MH conditions and how family can help.

[MammaTimes2]

HV didn't get back to me Friday & my husband has been much worst this weekend. Things have escalated to the point where he's going to stay with a relative. Feel like my life is falling apart & I can't even call my daughter her name. She received her first letter yesterday & I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach, it really upset me. When my son had his first letter I was excited & kept it. Feel so guilty & so resentful towards my husband.Thanks for your advice both. I've opened up to some friends about the whole situation now.

[Dozer]

So sorry to hear that. Please do continue to seek RL support from your friends, and perhaps try your GP for the anxiety aspects of what's going on.

[Dozer]

Un MNetty hug