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As with all health-related issues, please seek advice from a RL health professional if you're worried about anything.

Post natal relationship ... and health.

(5 Posts)
LittleNettle Thu 16-Jun-16 06:51:39

Hello,
I had my baby six weeks ago after a pretty traumatic birth.
Since then my partner has gone back to work leaving the baby to me - and I am struggling. Is this normal? Motherhood is not what I expected and I am becoming resentful of everything.
My partner wasn't great during pregnancy (in fact he was drunk/hungover the night/day I went into labour) and has had nights out since/still sees his friends/has time to be an grown up around other people at work ... but complains about how challenging it is and how he would find my role easy. It's making me very resentful and after the exhaustion and loneliness if pregnancy and labour I just can't manage it. Being around a baby 24/7, getting up every night with them and sorting everything for them is difficult - of course it seems easy for two hours a day having had everything bought/organised/cleaned etc for you ... I just feel totally taken for granted.
Our relationship is suffering hugely - I have stopped trusting him due to his selfishness and unreliability during pregnancy, resent him ... at points don't like him and would genuinely rather be on my own - is this normal?
I have very little family and his family are also not really around to help practically much - not that I really trust anyone to look after my baby properly.
I dont know how to cope. I cry a lot, feel like crying a lot and feel painfully lonely - but hide the true extent of it. I second guess everything and - and this is awful, but at points regret everything (my baby is the best thing ever, but this just cant be it ...)I have started tablets for my mood, I just ... I don't even know anymore. Can anyone relate to this? Any advice would be great.
Thanks.

mumto1babyboy Thu 16-Jun-16 06:57:58

Bless you. I can relate to this so much, my partner is useless with our 7MO And completely shocked me since I got pregnant. Very distant etc and lack of support even during labour . Thankgod I had my mum with me..
I think you should tell him how u feel. And maybe join a baby group or something just to get you out socialising with other mums. Of course Ull proba hate them like me I dread going but it is good for baby and mum on some level.
I felt lonely too at the beggining of motherhood too it's totally normal Hun. I think there is lack of support from health visitors too I don't fully trust mine I think they portray themselves as people who just make sure your looking after your child properly rather than supporting mother and child after birth.
Sending u hugs and support your not alone xxxx

LittleNettle Thu 16-Jun-16 09:56:47

Thank you mumto1babyboy.
Does it get better? I have looked into groups - it's just a scary thought going!
Thanks

mumto1babyboy Thu 16-Jun-16 17:47:51

It does get better, I got a bit more confident as time went on (im quite shy!) OMG I'm the same!! I absolutely hate the thought every week of going I some how make my self go and once I'm there I'm ok!
There's always going to be these over "confident"'mums who look like they got it all together but it's just a front I reckon lol!!
I think it's so easy to feel secluded after having a baby, was u in full time work before hand??

LittleNettle Thu 16-Jun-16 22:01:23

Mumto1babyboy - thanks! It's good to know it passes and I just need to be brave! I think I have just started feeling okay after the labour too - it's a lot physically to get over with pregnancy and birth without even thinking about actually looking after the baby!!!
I was in full time work and focused on my career and now suddenly I am stuck in with a baby and very few friends and of them none have babies. It's so so isolating. I feel bad for even thinking all of this sometimes! I am with you - 'confident' mum's have spent the morning cleaning up poo, not sleeping, rushing about and have maybe recycled yesterday's top from the laundry just like the rest of us!!!!

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