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Post Natal Depression?(3 Posts)
This is my first post on the forum, I have been using it religiously for the last 4 months when my little one came along and joined our 'happy' family.
Any help that can be provided would be appreciated massively with the below issues I am currently having.
I am the father (apologies if they are required) and my wife and I have been looking after our little one quite successfully for the last 2 months....
Below is obviously from my side of things but I hope it gives some insight into why plight:
Recently, over the last month or so, my wife's attitude has changed dramatically and as a result, My mental health is starting to deteriorate to the point that last night in the middle of the night, Due in part to her constantly telling me I am a terrible parent, I had to leave the house for several hours in the middle of the night just to cool off and not do something stupid I would no doubt regret
Since baby turned up, she has been well looked after by both of us. Naturally I am remaining at work whilst my partner has taken maternity leave and as a result she is spending more time with baby.
The problem starts when I come home from work - I work shift work so I am never home for more than two days at the same time. As a result sometimes I am able to look after the little one for several hours in the morning, Sometimes in the evening and when I am working a night shift, I try to spend a few hours with the little one to give my partner a break during the day.
When we are out with friends or family, Its almost like she puts on an act. She smiles, is happy and chatty with everyone including me. There are never any issues when there are people around and it feels like we're a genuinely happy functioning family unit.
The problems begin when we are left alone to our own devices and the compliments and chatty friends stop being there in the evenings and at night.
I am constantly accused only being a parent when visiting my mother and father or other friends. As soon as we leave them and it is just me, my partner and the baby. My partners smile turns into a frown and the shouting, attitude and issues comes on.
I am constantly told I never listen but when I ask my partner to repeat herself (as I am usually trying to do something to make her life easier) I get shouted at again.
It genuinely feels like I cannot do anything right by my partner, regardless of how hard I try. I feel more like an inconvenience than anything else. Even simple things like dressing my daughter is always wrong
This all came to a head last night after around 2 months of this building up. I was bottle feeding my child whilst I was being told I was doing it wrong, I had used the wrong bottle, The milk was too hot, the milk was too cold, She was taking too much air, I wasn't burping her properly.... nothing I did was suitable for my partner.
I had to leave. I couldn't take the constant criticism
I went to the star bucks at the end of the town and sat there for a few hours just trying to calm down.
Last night was the moment I genuinely thought about walking away. My state of mind is shot, My mental health is shot. I cannot take the constant criticism being told I am not a good father and that I don't do anything.
Is this possibly the onset of post natal depression? or is there another reason for her sudden attitude change and constant 'nagging' for lack of a better word?
I am genuinely trying to be super dad when I am at home and no matter how much I give and give, Nothing is good enough and I am always wrong. Then when baby goes back to my partner, Its then my fault I'm not looking after her and the whole cycle starts again.
We've been together for 3 and a half years prior to baby coming along and we've only really ever had one arguement on the same level as we have been arguing at the moment....
Is having this baby the beginning of the end of our relationship? because I quite simply take this level of constant criticism.
Sorry in advance for the long first post. I need to vent and I need some advise that isn't just from friends or family.
I'm sure others will be along with better advice soon, but I want you to know that it is very very common for relationships to be severely tested by the arrival of a new baby. It's also common for mums to feel that their way is the right way, if they have done the majority of looking after baby. In short, you both need to look out for each other, but this is a really hard time. Try to speak about it with your wife in a non judgemental way. Good luck.
Sorry to hear you are both struggling. Your wife is probably still suffering from sleep deprivation which can make anyone act and say things they wouldn't normally do. She may have pnd but no way of us telling I'm afraid. When you next have the chance can you make sure she gets a good night's sleep and bring her a cup of tea in the morning. Explain that you feel sad that your relationship has broken down and ask if she feels like she could talk about it. On a practical level watch her when she's feeding/burping/dressing and ask her advice when you are. It feels wrong (because she shouldn't be critisising) however if you approach her first it's less likely to turn into an argument and then once she can relax about it a bit more you will both feel happier. I know other new parents who really struggled to let anyone do anything for baby because they knew best. They did relax but it took time and love to get through. I think I'm rambling but hope some of what I've posted might be of help
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