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Big family and new baby?

(2 Posts)
Jessiejane123 Fri 04-Mar-16 15:50:43

Talk Parenting
Dealing with baby in big family1
Today 14:59 Jessiejane123

How do others feel having a baby when you have a big family? As hubbys family is big, we have to see a lot of them and often a lot of people around DD at once. She just ends up as pass the parcel and quite frankly it irritates me.

My in laws seem to think that as they see her once a week and I have her every day, that when they are around its 'their time' and it feels like I should take a back seat.

On days where we spend the whole day with them, they feed her, play with her, nurse her and well I'm just kind of sat there as an on looker, watching, waiting, wondering when I might get to have a hold of my child again.( my first baby btw)

I understand they want to spend time with her, get that, but it's like they want to be the ones to do everything. Even for the 5 minutes she's with me, they are in her face or mil will go 'come to nanna'. I feel like my role as mum has to take a back seat whenever they are around. If she cries, they try to settle her even if she's clearly not settling and will say 'when mummy goes back to work we will look after you for 1 day so you need to get used to us'.

We have to spend all weekend with them as SIL is up and she hasn't seen DD for 2 months, so it'll be even worse. When she hasn't got her, the in laws will, and well what about me? I've told my hubby how I feel and he says I am being selfish as his mum and dad don't get her every day like I do. But as I've said, it feels like I am expected to act like a stranger for 1 day a week and I hate it, it makes me dread seeing any of his family as they are so possessive. Anyone in the same boat?

suspiciousofgoldfish Mon 07-Mar-16 21:08:19

You sound quite anxious about this and I understand!
It's a real roller coaster emotionally, having your first baby.
There will (almost definitely) be a time in the future when you will appreciate your big family and all their help, but for now you have to do what feels right for you and baby.
If the constant family visits are too much for you ( tbh, they sound exhausting and I'm only an outsider!), then you have to put your foot down and tell your DH that you don't want so many visits right now.
It's a huge time of adjustment and you need time to rest and bond and be a family.
Don't let your DH make you feel bad.
Men will never understand what it is like. Especially not when it's his family in question.
You and baby are his family now, he should be putting your needs first. His sisters etc have years and years of babysitting to look forward to, they can wait!
If these feelings don't go away you may have post natal anxiety or something, pretty sure I did to. See your gp if you still feel a bit helpless and frustrated.
But you're not alone, it's a really bonkers time in every sense. thanks

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