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As with all health-related issues, please seek advice from a RL health professional if you're worried about anything.

PND at six months?

(14 Posts)
Purpleboa Sat 19-Dec-15 02:20:35

Hi all. My DD is 6 months. The first few weeks of her life were HARD. Painful breastfeeding, no sleep and just a feeling of utter doom and mourning the loss of my old life. Luckily, that didn't last and even though her sleep has never improved, I felt Ok in my mood.

However, recently I've felt like I'm sliding back to that dark place. I'm just so incredibly tired, she won't take a bottle so I rarely get time to myself, and it's all too much. The season doesn't help; Christmas reminds me of happier times and I'm dreading it, because it's just going to be a sleep deprived blur. Her sleep has got worse over the past few weeks and I've no idea why.

My relationship with my DH is awful. We're always arguing and I know I'm taking it out on him, but I can't help it.

I am seriously beginning to deeply resent anyone whose baby sleeps well. I feel like I'm letting my DD down by not being able to get her to sleep. People tell me it will get better...but I don't really believe them.

I adore my daughter, she's a wonder. But simultaneously, I feel like I've ruined my life by having a baby. I know these feelings are horrible and selfish, and I hate myself for having them.

Health visitor thinks I might have PND and is coming out on Monday again. But I don't know if it's pnd or just lack of sleep? Either way, I feel like I'm at the end of my tether.

Has anyone else felt like this at this stage? Any hand holding would hugely appreciated! TIA.

LadyCassandra Sat 19-Dec-15 03:40:00

I had PND caused by lack of sleep, so don't necessarily think it's either/or. Mine came on at 6 months and my Early Childhood Nurse (I'm in oz) said we get reserves for 6 months, to keep going but after that it can be really hard if the sleeping is not getting better.
Having a baby is overwhelming, i think at 6 months the realisation sinks in that life will never be the same again. It does get easier though, I promise.
If your HV is coming out, take all the help you can. I don't know what's usually on offer there, but I saw a counsellor for 3 months and it really helped.
Keep talking about it, it's a horrible secret to keep to yourself. I found that when I told people I was struggling they wanted to help, and did by taking DS for a couple of hours so I could catch up on my sleep.
Big unmumsnetty hugs x

BugPlaster Sat 19-Dec-15 05:27:11

Yes it could be PND, think I've heard that it can be PND anything up to two years. It could also be lack of sleep or a mix of the two. Lack of sleep is horrible and the worst prep for a bad night with baby is already feeling like you're on your last legs and can barely feed/wash self let alone a crying baby.
You are not alone and you are doing the right thing in seeing your Hv.
Your relationship is struggling because of lack of sleep, or the adjustment of having a baby, or other stuff? I certainly remember my marriage taking some moulding after our first arrived. Our struggles were mostly caused by lack of sleep and my trying to control and be on top of everything. I have to remind myself to go easier on myself and us.
And Christmas with a baby can be amazing...the second Christmas will be here before you know it and it definitely does get easier and more fun.

jellyjiggles Sat 19-Dec-15 06:05:13

Op yes it can be PND! It's a cruel illness to get but you can get better.

Ask for help op from your GP, HV family and friends. Remember your not well and be kind to yourself. Try to get as much rest as possible.

I know you said baby is breast fed and won't take a bottle. Try different bottles. Try a cup. Ask for help from a HV as to how to get her to take a bottle.

My friend tried everything but ended up with expressed milk in a 'Mam' bottles because these have different shaped teets. It worked. Also look at mimijumi bottles. They look very breast like.

Get someone else to give her the bottle. You can't be there otherwise she will want mummy and she will cry till she gets you. Take a day off, go out somewhere with you husband. Can you leave you baby with grandparents? My sil had the same problems as you and had to leave her dd with her mum, go out for the day. My niece made a lot of noise and wasn't happy but eventually put up with a bottle. Also try sippy cups. Give baby a dummy and blanket for comfort. Remember she'll be being weaned and on proper food really soon which takes the pressure off you!

I've had PND twice. My eldest is 8 and I left it untreated. It stayed with me till he was 4 and I then found myself suddenly get very mentally ill. It wasn't good and 4 years on I'm still recovering. I was treated and took help from everyone! I needed the help.

My dd is now 2 and I once again I got PND. I got help instantly. The sleep deprivation was horrendous and was part of the problem. My marriage has suffered but we're working on it and I hope it will recover in time.

A little time for you is needed here. Demand it op. You must look after yourself.

cathpip Sat 19-Dec-15 06:38:33

I have pnd and a 4 month old, never had it with my other three, there is nothing worse than loving your child unconditionally but at the same time resenting everything about them and not enjoying them it's a very lonely place. Go to your gp and look at anti depressants, I'm on sertraline as I'm breast feeding but there are other therapies available too. Also agree with getting your dd to take a bottle, I'm having that battle with ds at the moment, he's not happy at all but we had a break through at toddler group when a granny that comes took ds and the bottle went and sat in a corner, yes there was a lot of grumping from him but 30 mins later he had drank 3ozs and was asleep! I have tried since and he took a feed after putting up a fight, do look at the mam bottles as the teat is shaped like a flattened nipple so it's very similar to the latch they have, this is the bottle I'm using and also try changing the temp of the milk, I was trying very warm but ds clearly prefers Luke warm.

Dixiechick17 Sun 20-Dec-15 20:06:52

The sleep deprivation is an absolute bitch, my DD is 6 1/2 months and her sleep isn't great either. She is unsettled and has wide awake moments during the night that have reduced me to tears. HV has confirmed that I don't have PND but I do have anxiety. My DD has started to commando crawl, possible teething plus introduction to purees, I think it's just a combination of all these new developments. She was a perfect sleeper up until around 4 1/2 months. Utlise your HV as much as possible. Mine is giving me tips on how to get DD to self settle and getting her to take the bottle. She told me that these things take time, and not to give myself a hard time if something isn't changing straight away.

I'm offering a bottle with most feeds and she does sometimes take it, best position for me is to face her away from me.

Anyway, I just wanted to say I understand how you feel, for me this has been the hardest it's been so far.

Pinklizard77 Thu 31-Dec-15 18:57:39

I've been wondering how to address this for a while. Hope you don't mind me jumping on OP. My baby is 6 months, mostly breastfed, a terrible sleeper. He's my second. Although the first month was brutal I didn't have a problem loving him. But the longer it goes on the more I find myself feeling resentful towards him. The lack of sleep and resulting routine is destroying me, my marriage and affecting my relationship with my 5 year old. I've put on tonnes of weight comfort eating to cope with the exhaustion. Is this PND or just a normal reaction?

Lozzerelli23 Fri 01-Jan-16 12:13:03

I am feeling exactly the same as you so you are not alone! DD is 12 weeks old won't take a bottle and won't sleep, hubby can't do anything right and I feel very low like you. I hope there is light at the end of the tunnel but unsure whether it is just lack of sleep or PND xx

Purpleboa Fri 01-Jan-16 20:07:40

Thanks ladies, really appreciate your kindness and support.

Well, the hv has referred me for counselling. Really don't think it will make much difference but we will see! It's been a mixed Christmas. Apart from two fairly ok nights, sleep has been rubbish. Since we got back from visiting family, it's got worse. My anxiety has worsened so I'm not sleeping even when she does.

I think lack of sleep can do serious harm to your mental health. As you say pinklizard,it is brutal. And there's no respite. Yes, others can take the baby to give you a break, but it's only temporary, especially if you are ebf!

I am trying my hardest to enter 2016 with positivity and hope that it will improve. Things are still bit better with my DH after I had a meltdown over Christmas. But still a bit rocky.

We can only hope that it gets better! Hang on in there everyone...

LadyCassandra Sat 02-Jan-16 13:31:54

I was always sceptical about the benefits of counselling, particularly as I was convinced my depression (which was actually anxiety, discovered after counselling) was down to lack of sleep. But I found it really helpful, I had a very good counsellor who set me goals every week, and rather than going backwards it was good to look forward. It helped me to deal with my anxiety a lot, so hopefully you find the same x

ThisHorseCalledDonny Sat 02-Jan-16 13:36:05

Yeah, I was sceptical about counselling working, but it was bloody marvellous.

Pinklizard77 Sun 03-Jan-16 04:50:28

It's good to hear positive experiences of counselling. Purpleboa do you know how long you may have to wait?

icklekid Sun 03-Jan-16 04:56:35

I had pnd but to be honest until ds started sleeping (sleep training at 8 months) I didn't realise quite how low I was. The difference sleep made was immense. It still took a long time to recover but getting some sleep was vital. Know you are not alone and what you are feeling does not make you a bad person

Scattymum101 Thu 21-Jan-16 20:22:47

I was fine after dd1 but after dd2 I struggled a lot and eventually was diagnosed with PND at 8 months post partum. Lack of sleep is awful. I hope you're able to get some support.

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