How becoming parents can affect your relationship

[sunshineandshade]

It seems like all me and dp have been doing is arguing since dd was born 2 months ago. I still love him but we don't seem to get on anymore. We don't have time for eachother, and il admit i have been using all my energy focussing on dd, i want to make it work with dp, we haven't been out together since dd was born but i can't seem to allow myself to leave her with anyone else. Its got so bad that dp suggested we take a break and spend a few weeks apart to decide what to do and where to go from here. Im not sure this will help and i don't want our relationship to fail.

Has anyone else experienced something similar?
Is this normal/common?
Why does it happen?
Does it get better?

[Dixiechick17]

I think you spend so much time focussing on the baby that you forget about each other. I said to my DH the other night that I've realised that I don't cuddle him anymore or randomly kiss him. We did argue a bit in the beginning, nothing major as have never been ones to row, but we were both tired and finding our feet with parenting.

Your DD is still so young, maybe focus on doing a few nice things as a family and getting out of the house, fresh air is amazing for tiredness. We went for a few walks and lunches, made sure we found places I would be comfortable breast feeding. She mostly sleeps or is content when we're out for a walk so it gives us the opportunity to talk.

Sorry if it's not much help, your DP and you spending a few weeks apart may be hard, particularly for you on your own with a new baby when you're used to having him about. Another thing is that men can suffer from depression post birth too, it's not just women. So maybe he is struggling a bit with everything. Either way steal a moment when the baby is asleep and try and talk or go for a long walk. Hope you get it sorted :)

[Willow123707]

My DD is 12 weeks and I've argued with my partner of 10 years more than ever since she has been born. It's upsetting as during pregnancy and even before I had visions of this happy little family.

He often walks in from work, doesnt acknowledge me at all and goes straight to DD, I can understand he misses her in the day etc, but youve still got to treAt each other special. I think it's happened because the focus in our lives now is not each other, it's our child, who is amazing. I also think my partner is slightly jealous of my position (being on matenity) I've picked up on a few comments/actions where he's so obviously jealous that I'm at home caring for her and he isn't. I feel for him and think I'd be a bit upset, but I feel he's treating parenting as a competition, which it isn't. I also have over bearing in laws who don't back off and think my DD is theirs, I mean literally. He doesn't take my side so that's another reason we argue!

As for when this will get better I don't know. I think if you take a break at this stage while your LO is so long, might mean you just decide to stay your separate ways for good.