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As with all health-related issues, please seek advice from a RL health professional if you're worried about anything.

Just not interested in 'bedroom stuff'

(12 Posts)
imwithspud Mon 03-Aug-15 23:26:34

I'm nearly 10 weeks pp and me and DP have done 'stuff' (not full sex) twice since I gave birth. I'm just not in the mood, ever. I feel bad for my DP because he asks a few times a week and I usually say no. It must be frustrating for him getting knocked back all the time but at the same time I don't want to do it just because I feel I have to iykwim?

After having two babies I don't have much confidence in my appearance, I don't feel sexy - I'm tired and frumpy and I cringe at the thought of me doing anything sexual. DP is adamant that he still finds me attractive but I can't see why. Post partum hormones might still be playing a part, I don't know. Can I still use the hormone excuse at this point? I'm starting to put pressure on myself to try and get back in the mood because I'm worried it will start affecting our relationship, and I hate turning DP down all the time but all I'm doing is making myself anxious about it which of course is having the opposite effect.

I guess I just want to know if anyone else feels or has felt like this and what they did to get back into the swing of things. I hear of couples getting their sex life back within a month-6 weeks or less after giving birth and it seems to be quite common but I just don't feel ready for it yet.

Roseybee10 Tue 04-Aug-15 21:27:34

Are you breastfeeding?
I felt like BF killed any desire I had. As soon as I stopped it seemed to come back x

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Tue 04-Aug-15 21:28:40

10 weeks is such early days! Give yourself a break. Many people wait months before trying anything.

pocketsized Tue 04-Aug-15 21:39:06

My DD is 19 weeks and I have no interest whatsoever. I am exhausted, emotionally drained, stoll breastfeeding which is making me feel quite 'touched out' and pretty loathing of my body at the moment (skin is awful, bald patches from postpartum hair loss) DH and I have barely held hands or kissed since she arrived. I just can't bear the thought of any more demands or instrusion on my body right now (not that he is at all demanding, he is not putting any pressure on at all)

imwithspud Tue 04-Aug-15 22:24:14

Thanks for the replies. Yes I am breastfeeding, didn't think about that playing a part. I remember now from last time that I hated him touching my boobs in that way whilst I was feeding. I also had an implant fitted a couple of weeks ago which probably isn't helping either although I haven't had any obvious side effects from that yet. I don't even like it when my oh asks me if I'm up for anything, it automatically pee's me off for some reason. Like how dare he ask his partner for a bit of bedroom fun, I mean seriously how rude hmm

Last time I was 15weeks PP before I went all the way. I'm glad to hear it's still early days, I think people underestimate what a big thing having a baby is and how long it can take to recover fully from it. Even my doctor seemed shocked that we hadn't had sex when she was asking all the usual questions before having my implant fitted.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Tue 04-Aug-15 22:26:35

I would have KILLED dh if he'd even dared asked me at only ten weeks after having ds. Poor man was so shattered he wasn't up for it eithergrin

imwithspud Tue 04-Aug-15 22:38:35

DP has been trying his luck for weeks lol. It really irritates me sometimes to be honest, and I've told him that but I don't think he really understands how I'm feeling. Sex is the last thing on my mind at the moment yet some days it seems to be the first thing on his. I know he has needs and everything, but still.

Purpleboa Tue 04-Aug-15 22:40:46

Ten weeks?? Such early days! I'm six weeks pp and my libido is officially on the missing list. Suspect it will be well beyond ten weeks by the time DH and I dtd. Physically I'm fairly recovered, but I am permanently knackered, ebf with sore and tender boobs and sex is the last thing I want to be doing.

Do feel bad for DH although he's never pressured me. Trying to keep things physical with hand holding and hugs. Hoping that 'loving feeling' will come back, but not putting pressure on myself as I know that dtd too early would lead to me resenting DH. You're being too hard on yourself. Perhaps an honest chat with your DP about how you are feeling might help you both?

avocadotoast Tue 04-Aug-15 22:46:22

I'm 10 weeks pp too. We haven't had full sex since I was about 30 weeks pregnant (maybe a bit before).

I want to, I really do. We just don't seem to have any time together when DD is asleep! We've done "stuff" once. She's in a co-sleeper crib so I don't want to wake her up either blush

Plus I had an episiotomy so I am very worried about it being painful.

Ah, sorry for making this about me OP! But you're certainly not alone.

imwithspud Tue 04-Aug-15 22:47:43

Yes I think you're right Purple. I do need to be completely open with him. He only really asks at the weekend, maybe once in the week sometimes so it's not like it's a daily thing but at the same time I'm like you I can't see myself being in the mood for a while yet. I just have far to much on my mind at the moment what with having a toddler, a newborn, a house to run etc.

imwithspud Tue 04-Aug-15 22:50:50

Lol don't worry avocado I had an episiotomy first time round and was terrified. But when I did eventually pluck up the courage it was fine although we had to be gentle at first (sorry if that's a bit tmiblush).

ThisIsClemFandango Tue 04-Aug-15 22:56:23

I felt the same as you for months OP. Just wasn't interested at all, couldn't think of anything less interesting tbh! DP was great and very patient!
After about 4 months I felt differently.
I think it's totally normal so don't put pressure on yourself. I'm sure you have a lot of other things to concentrate on at the minute but it won't be like that forever.

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